Star Crossed

Chapter Fifty Three- Close your mind

Since the Valentines dance and myself and Tom had still not spoken and had actually avoided contact altogether something that was becoming ever more frequent yet Tom was not the only one avoiding me...
"Lazarus... Lazarus!" I called across the grounds wrapping my cloak tighter around my body to block off the late February chill that still clung to the damp air.
The thin figure finely stopped allowing me to catch up to him.
"What?" he murmured.
"We need to talk don't you think?" I asked tentatively.
"Talk? Now you want to talk." he scoffed.
"Don't be like that Lazarus, I didn't feel well that's all." I sighed trying my best not to fiddle with my hands.
"Look at you, you don't even have the decency to tell me the truth do you." his voice seemed to break a little making my whole chest contract in that moment I had never hated myself more.
"Okay... the truth." I sighed with a shudder taking a deep breath. "I'll tell you the truth ok?"
Lazarus repositioned himself folding his arms over his chest as he stared at me expectantly.
"Be quick about it then I have Care of Magical Creatures in five minutes." he grumbled, I cringed I could not remember a time when Lazarus had been more unhappy with me.
"Look me and Tom we..." I began but Lazarus cut me off with a snort of angry laughter.
"No wait!" I shouted holding up a hand. " It's not what you think just hear me out." He sighed averted his eyes for a moment before focusing them back to my face reluctantly.
"We... we got into a disagreement that's it, that's all there is to it. I got angry and I left."
"And nevermind me right? Your date? Once again he takes precedence. What did you even disagree about?"
"Lazarus look... we just... I had heard that he had said something that's it."
"What did he say?" Lazarus rose his eyebrow at me.
"Does it matter? It's over now." I huffed beginning to lose my patients.
"Hmm." Lazarus huffed.
"Look if I tell you every detail you wouldn't let it go so I'm leaving it here because that's where I want it left here ok? Am I sorry that I left without explaining to you? Yes I'm sorry, so incredibly sorry. Can you forgive me now?" I pouted with a sad smile, the harshness in Lazarus's face seemed to soften a little as he sighed.
"I suppose." he grumbled, I grinned at him and pulled him into an embrace breathing a sigh of relief.

"Grisha," Wiglaf greeted me as I entered the room of requirement.
"Wiglaf," I smiled as I took my seat, up to now there was only me and Wiglaf that had arrived I looked at the clock I was not early... I groaned as I sensed that Wiglaf had perhaps told me a different time to that of Tom and Lazarus. My suspicions had been confirmed as he closed the book he had been reading and placed it to the side.
"Lazarus was really upset." He said resting his chin upon his hand which was propped on the arm of his large leather chair.
"I know, I apologised." I sighed looking towards the floor trying to hide my annoyance at having being lectured again.
"Good so you should have." he replied coldly.
"Yes I know. Thank you Wiglaf is that it?" I hissed not able to stop myself causing him to raise an eyebrow at me.
"Sorry." I murmured.
"Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?" Wiglaf asked cocking his head to the side. "What happened and don't lie to me I know more than you think."
"Then why are you asking me?" I sighed rubbing my temples.
"Because I want to hear it from you." he pressed leaning forward in his chair resting his arms upon his knees as he stared over at me.
"Look just like I told Lazarus me and Tom had a disagreement that's it."
"Are you sure you don't want to elaborate?" He asked tapping his finger upon his knee.
"No." I replied simply.
"Hmmm." he smiled weakly, "I am here when you do but Grisha?"
I looked at him expectantly.
"Be careful it is in a Slytherin's nature to practice self preservation make sure you are not a sacrifice to this."
"I am no ones sacrifice Wiglaf." I said firmly looking deep into his blue eyes, he nodded at me slowly as if on que the door to the room opened revealing Tom and Lazarus the atmosphere between the two of them a little more strained than usual.
Tom however chose not to take his usual seat beside me and instead sat between Wiglaf and Lazarus, I rose my eyebrow at him.
"I suppose you have heard about the auruos visit? They are visiting to advertise the career to those in fifth year and above assuming those in sixth and seventh year are taking the necessary NEWT subjects." Wiglaf stated. "Of course I believe that it would be an invaluable experience for us and with Grisha and Lazarus's OWL examinations coming up what better time than to see what is out there if you study hard enough." He grinned at Lazarus who rolled his eyes at him.
I remained silent for a moment as I realised that I had not given my future career much thought... Tom also remained silent as he lounged lazily upon his armchair.
"I'm in." I agreed with a smile.
"Me too." Lazarus grinned, causing everyone's eyes now to fall upon Tom who still sat quiet unresponsive.
"I don't think an auruo is the career for me." He smirked.
"Why is that?" Wiglaf asked firmly, "Not brave enough? Or do you just not wish to risk yourself for the wellbeing of others? If that is the care why are you even here?"
"Now, now Wiglaf so defensive." Tom smirked raising up a hand. "One does not need to be a lap dog of the Ministry to do great things in the world. I find the Ministry to be very... constrictive."
"Indeed..." Wiglaf replied with narrowed eyes.
"However knowing more about how they work would not hurt." Tom smirked, something hidden behind the blue sparkle within his eyes.

It was later that week and myself, Wiglaf and Tom were gathered once more in the Room of Requirement Lazarus was not with us as he was serving one of his Prefect patrol's.
"How are you progressing with your occlumency?" Wiglaf asked looking up from the book he was reading.
"Ummm," I replied sheepishly avoiding his gaze, I had not paid it much attention for some time now... I knew I had to master the ability but I just couldn't focus my mind at the moment it felt as if there was always something sitting there blocking me from clearing my mind... something or someone....

"Well let's see shall we," Tom smirked placing down his own book and picking up his wand from the arm of the chair.
"Remember your mind is yours only you can give me permission to take it. Control." Tom held his wand out towards me and I closed my eyes with a deep breath readinging myself trying to clear my mind of my thoughts.

Suddenly the familiar searing pain shot through my skull as I felt Tom push for entry my walls crumbling under the pressure I groaned.

"Focus." I heard him say but he sounded so far away as I screwed up my eyes trying to force him out a battle of wills, a battle that I was losing I screamed as I felt my final barriers collapse forcing memories of my mother, my father, the first time I saw Hogwarts...
"That's enough Tom." I heard Wiglaf say as I felt the pressure fade away and my mind become my own once more I opened my eyes refocusing on the room around me, my head in a constant state of dull aching.
"She must learn to defend her mind." Tom hissed.
"Yes I agree but she needs a break." Wiglaf replied tiredly running a hand through his hair.
"No, I can carry on." I said firmly staring defiantly at the two young men stood before me.
Tom smirked and winked at me.
"You see." He smirked at Wiglaf who sighed throwing his hands into the air and taking a seat in the nearest armchair.
I took a deep breath and readied myself once more.
"I'm ready." I breathed closing my eyes before the familiar unpleasant sensation struck me again but this time Tom pushed further, further back into my subconscious towards the memories that I had stored away.
"Stop..." I whispered but I could hardly hear my own voice over the beating of my heart.
"You stop me." I heard Tom say in the distance causing me to push hard against him with a groan but it was no use as a saw a memory flash before my eyes... my mother's body lying there in the coffin cold and empty... tears stung at my eyes.
"Enough!" Wiglaf shouted but it did not stop, there I was stood in my Father's office as he threw the family portrait across the room it smashing at my feet, I screamed inside but I could not regain control.
"Now!" I heard Wiglaf shout but again another memory flashed before my eyes,
'Please Daddy you promised, it's my birthday do you really have to leave?' unable to take anymore I screamed pushing with all my might throwing my wand in front of me I did all I could think of to counter Tom as I yelled, 'Legilimens' all of my emotion forcing forwards I could feel the power surge through the hand and into my wand and suddenly I wasn't in my own mind anymore...

'I'm not mad!' the familiar dark haired young boy screamed as a man in a white coat dragged him down a dark narrow corridor his small legs kicking trying to break free.
The memory faded into another the same small boy was being strapped to a chair in an empty dusty room using thick leather belts which where cutting into his arms.
Suddenly the boy was in another room, just as bleak and dark but this time a tall woman with a blonde bun pulled tightly into a bun was staggering around the room as if intoxicated a fire poker in her hand I winced as she brought it down on the boys back, he screamed and tried to back away from her but she advanced on him again and again...
I gasped as I felt myself thrown out of his mind I was sat on the small leather armchair that I had before my eyes wide as I stared at the same little boy now grown into a young man leaning against the table in front of me, his skin pale and clammy his face emotionless.
"I..." I began but stopped as I saw the anger in his now darkened blue eyes.
"Grisha perhaps you should leave." Wiglaf breathed.
"But I..." I began but Wiglaf looked at me firmly, biting my lip I picked up my satchel and walked towards the large wooden door my hand on the doorknob I turned around to look at Tom once more, he was not looking at me he was still staring intently at the spot I had been sat.