Star Crossed

Chapter Seventy Five- Broken down

I leaned against the strong oak tree my heavy winter cloak wrapped around me to block out the icy Sunday morning breeze, I just needed to be away from everybody just for a little while. I did not want to talk about my Aunt or Celia or worse bump into either of them. I was half expecting my Aunt to come looking for me before she was to leave but then again I felt nothing more than an embarrassment to her. 

I sighed, I missed my Father. I had never felt so alone, being back at Hogwarts at helped but I wouldn't be here forever... I felt as if my life before had been snatched away from me, as if the memories were not my own. As if that little girl who had lived so happily with her mother and father in a house within the trees was someone else all along but then... who did that make me?

And then there was Tom... Tom Riddle. The boy I had met all those years ago... the boy I had hated, the boy I had befriended... and then... I don't know. It tore me apart every night that I found myself thinking about him... the pains in my chest everytime that I looked into those electric blue eyes that hid so much depth, so much intelligence, so much pain... I had never felt like this about anyone... but what was this? Pity? Curiosity?... I fear not. I fear that what I feel is deeper... and that scares me. In all honesty I have never felt any less a Gryffindor than I do right now. I had always been brave, courageous, reckless... but now... now I was cautious, withdrawn... worst of all I was afraid. The Heir of Gryffindor? I had always been so sure... so sure of my destiny of my purpose but now... now I feel as if my purpose is changing, evolving... caught in a storm for which I may run and hide and wait for it to blow over or seize it... embrace it and challenge it and really there was only ever one choice for me. 
I turned my head as I heard the sound of frost bitten leaves crunch underfoot. I squinted to see a dark figure walking along the edge of the lake, their head bowed under their heavy black hood. I did not move nor make a sound I merely stood watching them draw nearer, they stopped mere feet away from where I stood looking out across the cold still waters of the black lake they seemed to be completely unaware of my presence but I already knew who they were. 
I walked towards them not attempting to stifle the sound of my footsteps or the whisper of my breath on the air but still they did not stare.
We stood now arm to arm staring across to the snow covered tips of the mountains, I buried myself further into the warmth of my cloak. Standing in silence, it was peaceful, calm and yet something was not right... disconcerting. 
I breathed the feeling of hopelessness lying heavy upon my shoulders like the thick blanket of cold winter air. "No winter last forever,"  I whispered. 
"I  prefer the winter." He replied, his voice was quiet, horse almost. "the harshness, the stillness... I'm used to the cold." 
I shivered, blowing my own warm breath upon my frozen fingers, what did he mean? 
"Just because  you are used to something doesn't mean that you have to accept it forever..." I replied hesitantly, both of us still staring out across the the misty lake.
"Somethings you do have to accept forever... seasons, time, death. Those things not even the greatest of powers can change." 

"Tom..." I breathed, I turned my head to look at him his face still concealed by his heavy black hood before he slowly turned his head towards mine. 
I almost gasped as I looked into the handsome face of the young man I knew. His piercing blue eyes seemed to have had the colour drained out of them surrounded in darkened heavy circles. His skin was not glowing as it normally did it was dull and lifeless, his defined cheekbones made even more prominent by his sunken cheeks. 
I swallowed hard unable to find my words I involuntarily reached my hand up towards his cheek but with lightning fast reflexes he grasped my wrist with his cold long fingers stopping my hand halfway between us, he stared down at me.
"I..." I stuttered removing all tension from my arm I surrendered causing Tom to realise his hold upon me. I dropped my arm back down to my side. 
"You're not okay." I stated my eyes unwillingly filling with tears as his pain transpired into my own chest and through every nerve in my body. Why? What was wrong with him?
"In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first must burn." he whispered his own eye seemed a little softer than usual. I did not think that Tom could ever cry but if he could then this would be the closest he would ever get, I saw it hidden in the depth when his walls were weak.

"You were never ashes." I uttered a single tear threatening to fall down my frozen cheek.
"If you could even begin to understand where I've come from, you would say differently." He replied his voice a mere whisper as he stared down at me, his eyes heavy and tired so different from there usually alert fierceness. 
"Then make me understand." I breathed in ernest, Tom dropped his eyes from me for a moment before replying plainly.
"Someone like you could never understand." 
I felt my body tense at his words, the coldness... the bitterness. 
"Someone like me... do you even know me Tom?" I breathed. "Do you truly understand where I've come from? Do you really know me? Have you ever really taken the time to get to know anyone? You think you have everyone all worked out... if there was anything for you to ever rise from... it's that." 
I stepped away from him, leaving him stood by the lake his head bowed slightly as he looked out once more across the lake. 
"You have no idea who I am, what I've been through, what I'm capable of... nor do I you. But the difference is... I'm here for you, for who you are now, for whatever you are going to go through because it doesn't matter who was in  your past it's about whos in your present and is there for your future. Don't push us away Tom." 
I turned my head away wiping a tear from my cheek as I chose to walk away from him that day I felt my heart shatter and it was then that I realised that this... this was more... I could never walk away from him... because this was... love. I walked and walked and walked until I dropped into a heap upon the floor of the astronomy tower unable to walk any further. I cried and I cried and I cried. No it couldn't be... we were friends... this wasn't the way it was supposed to be... I was stronger than this, independant, a warrior, an heir to the Great Godric Gryffindor and yet here I was... crying over a boy... a boy who could never feel anything but bitterness... pain... and anger.

"Grisha..." I let out a breath as I recognised the familiar voice calling my name, I quickly wiped my cheeks and straightened myself up turning to face him.
"Do not try to lie to me Grisha." He whispered and he dropped down next me, his icy eyes gazing into my own. "But more importantly do not lie to yourself." 
"There is nothing to lie about." I murmured sniffing a little my nose blocked by my tears.
 "Tom is a dangerous person. He is damaged and damaged people are dangerous because they know how to survive." he replied. 
"Then why are you friends with him?" I asked suddenly. 
"Because I tend to see what you see... potential." he smiled weakly. 
"And do you really think there is hope for him?" I breathed. "He shares nothing. He is so cold, so shut off. I can't break him." 
"I believe that... if Tom cares about anyone other than himself... that person is you." 
I scoffed, "Don't think that's true." I murmured. 
"No?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Tom came to you when you in your darkest hour."
I breathed slowly as Wiglaf's words sunk into my chaotic thoughts... 
"But..." I breathed, Wiglaf looked at me with a small smirk. 
"You are a sister to me." I said wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "I will not see you crumble you are Gryffindors Heir. Stand tall. If this truly is love then love is nothing to fear nor to be ashamed of. If this truly is love that it is not a death sentence nor a binding contract, it is their privilege and your honor. You are in control, remember that." 

I felt a surge of calmness and warmth wash over me settling my beating heart. Wiglaf was right. I was Grisha McLaggen Heir of Godric Gryffindor and I was powerful and I was strong and no man would ever be able to subdue me, if I was to love then I would do so with the same ferocity in which I fought my battles.  I smiled at Wiglaf and threw my arms around him tightly. 
"Make the right decision Grisha." he breathed into my hair. "If the time comes." he added. 
I nodded into his shoulder.