I'm A Monster - Wolfstar

3

It's harder to pick songs than I first thought it was.

Something jabs my leg somewhere along the cut. I let out an "ow!", as my eyelids flutter open. I quickly shut my eyes again when I see Madam Pomfrey holding some sort of thermometer in the bloody mess. It looks worse in daylight. I couldn't bring myself to think of what it looked like, other wise I'd have to lean over the bed and vomit all on the floor.
"Have you finished whatever you're doing?", I ask with my eyes still closed. It doesn't really hurt, but I didn't want to look at it.
"I'm just stitching it up, but I've put a hex on your leg so you can't feel it"
"Oh. Well, thanks". I shut my eyes tighter and try to remember why I'm in there.
It had been a full moon, that much was obvious, but what had happened after all that? I remember smashing a mirror, my robe all ruined, shoes missing, whatever I had done to my leg, and...
I bolt up.
"I'm sorry, Mr Lupin, I've just finished. Did the charm wear off a second or two early?"
"Sirius", i say in reply, looking around wildly. "Where is he? Can i see him? Did he die? Where is he buried? For the love of god, let me see him!", i start crying again.
"Mr Lupin, calm down, there really is no need to get yourself in such a state. Mr Black is fine, he was just unconscious. His breathing was slow and unsteady when you brought him in, so you wouldn't have been able to see or feel it properly. So he's not dead, see? He's over there", she gestures to a bed with the covers pulled over somebody's head. "He won't let me touch him, so maybe you can convince him to let me heal him. It makes me feel mean to do it if he's screaming at me"
I pull myself out of the bed and despite Madam Pomfrey's protests about how it might put too much pressure on my leg and loosen the stitches, I limp my way across the room to Sirius' bed.
I cautiously pull the cover away from his head. He's wide awake, but seems to be looking straight through me. He doesn't look any better than he did that morning.
"Padfoot", I say, jiggling him a bit. It pains me to see him like this, knowing it's all my fault. "Padfoot, you're making me feel bad, please"
"Mmh", he grunts, and closes his eyes.
"Padfoot, mate, I'm sorry. I could have killed you. I told you not to come, so really it's your fault that... No. Who am I kidding. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been like this in the first place. I'm a monster"
"Don't be... stupid", he whispers. "It isn't... your fault". He sounds like every word takes his breath away, and makes me wonder if he'll say his last that very day.
"Don't talk if it hurts you", I tell him, "Do you want me to sort out your hair?"
He snorts with laughter and opens his eyes a little. They look more normal now, so maybe he was just sleeping with his eyes open a minute ago.
"I'm in hospital... and all you can... worry about is my... hair?"
"Well, I thought that's what you would worry about"
"Well yeah, but I think... there are more important things... than that"
"So is that a yes?"
"It's a... thank you, but no"
"Ok. Madam Pomfrey says you won't let her heal you"
"That's because I... won't. I didn't want to make you feel... bad about it"
"You could have just let her do it while I was still sleeping though, couldn't you?"
"She was... healing your face the whole time... you were asleep and... I wasn't"
I turn to look in the mirror and see two fresh new scars going from my chin to a little away from my nose. They're more red than the pink ones that have been there for a while and starting to fit in more with my skin.
"Please let her heal you", I plead, moving his hair out of his face like i did back in the Shrieking Shack.
"Yeah, whatever", he says.
"Mr Lupin, get back in your bed please, you'll damage your leg even more. Oh, and Potter, Pettigrew and Evans all say they're coming to visit you both"