Swell (Complete)

Chapter Twenty-Three (Part One)

"I'm dying to know what it is that you're thinking,
And I'm desperate to know why it is that I'm sinking,
So deep beneath my sheets,
And I'm struggling to find sleep."

....

When the envelope fell out of her locker Monday morning Adora's heart stopped. Her jaw trembled as she looked around the hall. Nobody was even glancing her way, more concerned with catching up on the weekend gossip or their own lockers.
She knelt down and put her backpack on the tiles, picking the envelope up with both hands. The trembling spread from her jaw to her fingers as she turned the enveloped over in her hands and saw her name on the front.
The same handwritten cursive from the other card.
She put it on the floor of her locker and closed her eyes for a few moments.
The last card had been about Brett; he was going home sometime this week from the hospital.
Was this card about him too?
She took a deep, shaky breath and opened her eyes. Should she just take this straight to the police? Unopened?
She didn't really want to know what it said inside.
Did she?

She blew the breath out of her mouth and started to open the envelope.
She pulled the card out and held it in her hand for a few moments, her eyes closed and her heart wishing for one of her friends to come up behind her so she wasn't alone.
After a few moments when nobody appeared, Adora squeezed her eyes tightly and opened them.
The back of the card was plain white, it almost felt like a relief, but when she turned the card around she had to brace her body against her locker to remain upright.
A thick bear was holding tightly onto a little cat, across the middle of the card was a banner that said 'I'll never let you go.'
The shaking was almost so violent she could barely open the card without losing grip.

'Dearest Adora,

I'll never let you go like they did. I will always be here to catch you when you fall. I promise you will never hurt that much again.'

There was no sign off, but a roughly drawn picture of a razor blade, a band-aid covered arm.

Adora felt faint. She wanted to drop the card, she wanted to scream and throw it away, she wanted to collapse and wake up again somewhere far away.
She couldn't move, the bell for form assembly rang in the background, but she barely heard it.
The voices behind her faded away and she swallowed a thick lump down in her throat before she finally forced herself to move.
"No." Her jaw tightened and she put the card back into the envelope. This was a stupid game, and she wasn't playing it. She packed her bag for her first sessions, closed her locker and head down the corridor to her form room.
The first bin she saw on the way received the card; tucked back into its envelope and loosely closed.

"Adora, are you alright?" Marti asked later in the day, the two girls were on their way to English after lunch.
"I'm just tired." Adora said quickly.
She could feel Marti regarding her uncertainly, she could tell her response had convinced her friend.
"I didn't sleep well last night."

They entered the classroom and Marti pulled Adora gently to the back row. "Was it because of Gus?" She asked as they put their bags on the floor and sat down.
Adora looked up at Marti in surprise. "What?"
"I'm worried he's suffocating you." Marti confessed quietly.

Adora's lips parted and she felt her cheeks burn. "Oh, um, no. That was just him having one last go." Adora shook her head and forced a small smile. "No, I just couldn't shut my brain off last night." She was only partly lying.
She hadn't been able to stop playing over her realisation in the forest about her feelings.
She had played over and over several scenarios, trying to imagine what the results would be if she told him, the reactions from everyone else.