Never Gonna Happen (ON PAUSE)

Chapter 25- Thoughts

Think positive thoughts Winter. Positive though—

I gripped my books forcing myself to walk past the whole squad to get to my locker. I could feel their eyes training on me whilst I acted oblivious to their existences. I was still angry at them all but it had slowly begun to diminish except the unsettling feeling of loneliness that remained by my side.

That was my problem. I easily forgave, easily forgot. Not this time.

What did we just talk about? POSITIVITY.

I opened the locker combination and grabbed my calculus books slamming the door shut and walking to my first class. I didn't need to be stressed out, or to even overthink about what had happened. What I did need to do was revise for calculus in my first period because on my second period I had a test.

Tests. That's what my mind would be concentrating on. Not on boys, best friends or friends in general, but tests.

I seated myself in my usual back seat and opened the book scanning the contents page.

Quadratics and derivatives of functions

I open the page. Take my pen. Then begin to answer the questions.

The slope of quadratic functions

I draw a graph and begin filling my page.

The anti derivative

Cos x dx = (sin x) + c

"You're not even worth it".

My mind began replaying every detail of the night before. Specifically, Tyler's words and my head throbbed painfully like some wood pecker was hammering inside my head repetitively.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about him.

"Fraternising with the enemy".

The nerve that girl had.

STOP IT WINTER, STUDY.

Numerical integration

Input data, easy. Make the spreadsheet. Lower and upper interventions and integrands. Okay, got it.

"I can't believe you're involved with him. I thought you were cool. I guess not".

He thought I was cool? Was he serious? Didn't Trevor say something about a secret of his? Maybe seeming as I ain't cool anymore I would go and find out what his secret was. Maybe then he would learn not to look down on people.

Ugh I give up with negotiating with my own mind. By all means Winter, think about everything they said to you. That would make you sure feel better right?

"Seriously though Winter? They're all right to do so. He was the one person I asked you to stay away from and you couldn't do just that?"

They were right? What a best friend Jay was. Thank you, thank you so very much.

Someone slumped into the chair next to mine disturbing me from my dark thoughts.

My resentful mood is about to harshly shout at this person until I realise it's Coco when I look up to see her.

"You look like shit", she states and I stare blankly at her before looking back at the equations I had written inside of my book.

A few moments later awkwardly go by until she finally clears her throat to speak.