Moonlight | lrh

2.6

0 Days Clean.

“When we first started talking, I never meant to grow close to you,” Luke said softly. We were in the living room alone, Luke having asked the others to collect the food. They went easily, and thankfully took Beth. Luke was sitting on the couch across the way from me, his hands clasped together between his knees. “Beth just wanted me to help you. I never… I never thought you would be who you are.” I kept my gaze lowered on his black vans on his feet. The black vans that I had told ‘Calum’ I loved.

“When Beth gave me your number, it didn’t mean anything to me. You were just another fan. But, then we grew close and you told me about your past. How could I leave you, Lee? How could I live with myself knowing that I took away one of your friends when you needed them? I couldn’t do it. I decided to tell you I was Calum so you wouldn’t totally freak out. I don’t know why I did it, I really don’t. Afterwards, I didn’t want you to hate me because I didn’t want you to go back to doing what you used to do. But I always crawled back to you, Lee. You were constantly in my head day and night and you’ve just messed me up.” He breathed out, glancing up at me. “I couldn’t even listen to our songs anymore because I always thought of you and what you’d think of them. I couldn’t even sing Wherever You Are without tearing up because of you.” Luke was beginning to get uncomfortable. He continuously ran his hands through his hair and bit his lip. By now, my eyes were connected with his.

“I was completely selfish, I understand that. I never thought what would actually happen when you found out I wasn’t Calum. I only thought about the good side of things, like how you would react to finally meeting the rest of the boys. You have no idea how many brunettes I hugged today and wished that it was you. But, as soon as Beth walked in and I heard your accent, I was crushed. I knew nothing would be the same again after you came into the room and that’s why I wanted to talk to you before you came in. So what happened wouldn’t happen.” I lowered my gaze and studied the Irish Claddagh ring on my finger. It was the only thing I have left of Hayley. When I raised my gaze again, Luke was watching me with a faint smile on his face. He knew what the ring meant to me. He knew practically everything about me.

I wasn’t angry anymore, I was just hurt. I was hurt by Luke but especially Beth. I truly trusted her.

“I really, really hope I haven’t fucked up whatever we had between us. I hope that we can continue on as we were because I don’t want to lose you, Shanley. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you, I know you hate me but that was never my intention. I just hope you can forgive me…” Luke trailed off, looking at me hopefully. My mind raced with thoughts. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could hate Luke. But at the same time, I don’t know if I can trust him again.

“I don’t hate you,” I spoke for the first time since arriving back at the apartment, rolling my ring around my finger. “I’m just… hurt.” I said quietly, looking up at Luke.

“I promise, I never meant to hurt you,” Luke said softly, reaching forward and grabbing my hands. He intertwined our fingers and gazed at me.