Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 21: Confessions and Revelations

"WHAT? He left? When did he leave? Where did he go?" I questioned forcefully. I needed to know what happened. Who or what he told about my current circumstance.

"He left last night. He said there was an... issue he needed to resolve." His tone was flat, devoid of any emotion. He hadn't liked Ronan much. Zander thought he'd taken advantage of me when I'd first arrived. That he dragged my heart into some sick game that he enjoyed playing.

"When is he going to return?" I never would have thought I could have been so perverse. I worried about a man who violated me. I worried about his safety, and when he would return. What was wrong with me?

"He's not coming back Arianna. I'm sorry." He was regretful. He held my hands gently in an effort to comfort me. Tears streaked my face. He wasn't coming back. We hadn't spoken much in the last few weeks, but I knew he would have always been there. He would have always been waiting. Suddenly he was gone.

I was angry at him because he hurt me, even angrier that he left me. The loss hit me like I was punched in the chest. Why hadn't I hated him? How could I have felt this way? I knew the answer. It was suddenly shockingly clear. I still loved him. Not as much as I loved Xavier, but I still loved him, even though he hurt me in the worst possible way. What kind of a sick person was I?

"Look Aria, I know there's more going on here than you're willing to admit. Please tell me." He demanded

"I can't." I had no words. I was numb, devoid of feeling.

"How bad is it?" He embraced me.

"It's pretty bad." I sighed heavily, defeated. I attempted to regain feeling in my mind and body.

"Did you sleep with him? Is that why he left?" He questioned warily, in an accusatory tone.

"Not exactly." I responded weakly. He seemed a little annoyed. He hadn't understood.

"How could you do that to Xavier?" His words were angry. I could have let him continue to think the worst of me, but he needed to know the truth.

"I didn't do anything. What happened was not my fault." I tried to convince myself of these words, as well as him. I grew weary of explanations and innuendos.

"You didn't do anything. You 'not exactly' slept with your husband's brother, but it wasn't your fault. I don't understand." He shook his head and tried to find meaning behind my words. I should have been clearer. I took a deep breath, let it out with an exasperated sigh and confessed.

"He..." I had no words. This was by far the most painful thing I had ever attempted to admit. I searched my heart and found the courage to let those few words escape me.

"He raped me." The words tumbled out with a gush of emotion. Tears that I hadn't know existed fell like rain. They beat heavily on my cheeks.

"He raped you?" He gasped, shocked and desperate for understanding. He gripped me tightly. His arms conveyed his regret at the realization that he'd forced me to admit my 'dirty secret'.

"Yes, he raped me. Last night he came to my room and lost control. He wasn’t himself." I was dismayed.

"You have to tell someone. You have to tell Xavier. Ronan must be punished for what he's done." He ordered.

"I'm not going to tell anyone and neither are YOU!" I was angry, how could he have forced this on me?

"I don't understand Aria. How can you protect him?" He was just as angry.

"I don't need you to understand. I need you to keep my secret and I need you to be my friend. I need you right now, you're all I have." I was defeated because there wasn't anything more I could have said.

"I'm always your friend Aria, never doubt that. I'm here for you. I will keep your secret, but if Xavier ever asks me straight out... I'm not going to lie." He was adamant. Zander was nothing if not honest and true.

"I don't expect you to." I embraced him.

"Thank you. You're a great friend." A better friend than I deserved. I rested my head on his shoulder while he comforted me.

It was all he could have done, and it was all I wanted.

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At least she doesn't have to go through it alone!  

Zander is a good friend!