Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 38: Going Home

This one's for you twilightgirl... for being an amazing fan & never letting me down!!

Feeling generous after a slew of great comments... so here's the next chap :)

Sorry it's short, but it's touching.

Enjoy :D VOTE, Comment, perhaps fan...  

Crissy =:)

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Recap chap 37:

So I bided my time. I kept the blood with me at all times. I held it close to me in case an opportune moment arose. I would have saved her no matter the cost. I just needed to have stayed vigilant, to have waited for the right moment.

This was the plan. I hated it, but I was desperate and it was all I had.

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Chapter 38: Going Home

Arianna POV

"Xavier?" I called to him from the couch in his study where I had been curled up while he worked. He had rarely left my side in the last two weeks. He worried about me and the baby obsessively. It pained me to have seen him in such constant agony.

"Yes love?" He asked as he peered up at me with tormented eyes. I looked away, ashamed at what I'd put him through. How could he have looked at me? How could he not have hated me for choosing death... over eternal life with him? How could I not hate myself?

"Don't hate me please." I begged as my eyes reddened and held back the tears I knew would have spilled automatically. All consuming pain radiated from the depths of my soul.

"Humph." He sighed heavily and came to me. He gripped my hands comfortingly and stared sympathetically into my wet eyes before he spoke.

"Don't do this now Aria, please. I don't want to fight with you right now. We have precious little time left and I don't want to waste it." He responded as he shrugged off horrific thoughts that I assumed consumed him completely.

"I just feel awful that I upset you so much... that you don't understand. I don't want you to hate me." I was honest in my confession. His pain troubled me. Had I made the right choice? For once, my conviction faltered a little, before I quickly regained it.

"I understand, but that doesn't mean that I agree with your choice. I could never hate you, because I love you more than I had ever thought possible." He responded sweetly and pressed his lips to mine. He was self-less, truly self-sacrificing. He stood by and forced a happy smile while he watched me die.

"Fine." I knew he wanted me to have made a different choice. He struggled with coming to terms with it. He still wanted to change me, tried to convince me almost every day, same as Ronan. He had partly accepted it, yet partly refused it at the same time. Yet he never forced me. It had always been my choice.

"Can I see my father then? He doesn't even know about the baby, or that I'm..." I stopped myself when I saw the agony and fear in his eyes. I regretted that I had put the thought into his head. I imagined it, his thoughts as he envisioned my death. It brought an abundance of guilt that weighed heavily on my heart.

"If that's what you want. You can always have whatever you want." He appeased me, he always had. He never dared refuse me. My wish was his command.  

I had wanted to see my father again one last time, before I met my death. He needed to know how happy I was with my choice, with Xavier and with the fact that I'd made him a grandfather.

I was going home for the last time.

We drove silently to my family's estate. Leaves had begun to change color and had fallen from the dense trees that lined the drive. It was a beautiful sight, calming and serene. I only wished that what I was about to do could have brought me the same serenity. It hadn't. It only brought sadness.

Xavier helped me up the steps and knocked on the door. I waited apprehensively yet excitedly, to see my father again. The last time I had seen him, was at my wedding.

"Arianna, Xavier what a nice surprise." He exclaimed as joy spread across his face when he opened the light colored oak door. I forced a weak smile onto my own. I hated to have deceived him like that, but it was entirely necessary.

"Stefan." Xavier nodded in salutation and ushered me inside. My father grasped me tightly. When he let go, Xavier, always a gentleman, removed my coat.

"Let me look at you my dear. Oh my..." When he stepped away from me he looked shocked. His eyes were wide as they grazed over my body.

"Yes father, I'm having a bay, soon. In a few weeks in fact." I admitted before he had the chance to question me. Another smile adorned his face.

"Come, sit down. You should not be standing in your condition." He commanded thoughtfully and led us to our seats. My father had auburn hair like mine and the most interesting shade of blue eyes I had ever seen. I loved the way his nose crinkled when he was deep in thought, like he had been a moment ago.

"Well, this is a happy surprise. I can see that you waste no time." He announced with a hint of humor in his tone. Xavier shifted uncomfortably beside me.

"Stefan, you see... we aren't certain..." He struggled to explain but I cut him off immediately. My father should have been spared the details of this sordid situation.

"We aren't certain of when the baby is coming, so we wanted to see you beforehand. It may not be possible after..." I hesitated. I had not wanted to turn our meeting into a pain fest.

"After the baby comes. There's so much to do... caring for a newborn is time consuming or so I hear." I finished and sighed under my breath. I looked to Xavier. He seemed upset that I hadn't told my father the truth, but he went along with it anyhow. He gripped my hand supportively.

"Arianna I can see that you are very happy with Xavier. I'm glad that you two... worked out your differences." He glanced at Xavier then me, and then smiled from ear to ear. Xavier gave me a questioning look, like he was unhappy my father had known something was wrong between us from the beginning. He was always the last one to have known.

"We are very happy. Happy to be married, happy to be in love and happy to bring a child into this world." I stated confidently. It was all true. I had just left out all of the bad parts, like some torture and impending death.

"Your mother would be so proud of you if she were here." My father announced with a smile and a loving tone. His words only brought a round of confused and painful emotions concerning my mother. I assumed this was the opposite effect of what he had desired to accomplish.

After a few hours I had grown tired and it was time that we had left. I pulled my father into a tight embrace. I started to get teary.

"Goodbye Arianna, I love you." My father pulled me closer and whispered in my ear.

"Goodbye father... I'll miss you. I love you, so much." I muttered, tried desperately to hold back the tears. I never wanted to have let him go. My father released me and Xavier pulled me outside swiftly.

His strong arm curled around me as I sobbed all the way back to the palace. That was the last time I would have ever seen my father.

I would never again have looked upon his crinkled nose.

I would never again have gazed upon his wide smile or stormy blue grey eyes.

I would never again have his comforting arms around me.

I lied to my father because I loved him, and it hurt like hell to have said goodbye.

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Sweet huh?

what will happen next?.... The story is coming to the climactic end :0 only a few chaps left:)

COMMENT, VOTE... do the right thing cause I know you want to!