Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 18: It Will Only Hurt If You Want It To

*****WARNING***** This chapter containsa brief sex scene.*****

Fan if you want, also comment & vote... My very first sex scene :/

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Recap chap 17:

I carried her to the room and set her on the bed. She admired it for far too long. Yeah, it was nice, but a bed is a bed. I hadn't understood her fascination. I unbuttoned my shirt before she even noticed. She stared at me as she always had, with wonder. I was sexy after all. What could I have said? She looked pretty sexy herself.

"Welcome home Princess." I smiled.

"Welcome home My Prince." She smiled in response.

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Chapter 18: Only Hurts If You Want

Arianna POV

  "Arianna, my friend, my love, my wife, you gave me the greatest gift I could ever receive, your love." I blushed at his sentiment.

I really loved him and I wanted him. I hadn't realized how much desire I had burning in my loins. He sauntered over, removed his shirt and lay next to me on the bed and I stared in to his golden eyes. I was lost for a few moments, and then I began to speak.

"I want to give you another gift." I removed my veil and tiara and threw them to the floor.

I unlaced my corset, which was a difficult task, and started to remove it. I was nervous, I admitted that to myself, but I wanted this so badly. Maybe not in the beginning, but in that moment, there was nothing I wanted more. I had saved myself, resisted temptation since the age of 15 when I discovered my sexuality. I had done that for him, a man I'd never met. He stopped me with a gentle hand, just as I'd started lifting my dress, before I exposed myself to him.

"You don't have to do this. I know what I said before about the rules, but rules were made to be broken." He was thoughtful and sincere.

I hadn't known him to be so honorable. I was confused, hurt. I thought he had wanted this, more than anything. Was it me? Was I not good enough, not sexy enough? Was I too inexperienced for him? Surely Selene had more experience than I.

"I thought you wanted this. It’s what you've been waiting for. Don't you want my body? Don't you want my blood?" Pain and confusion covered me as I realized my fears.

He hadn't seen me the same way. He couldn't bear to have been with me in a sexual way after what happened to me. He hadn't wanted to touch me. I was broken unclean, and dirty just as I'd thought I was. This was the only explanation. I beat back the tears of rejection, but they overflowed anyhow.

"I don't want to take what you're not ready to give." His eyes were pained, because he felt the guilt. He grabbed me securely when he continued. "I don't want to hurt you, I could never hurt you. You're not ready for this." He spoke with compassion and conviction.

I was angry. I hadn't liked that he told me what I thought and what I felt. I was the only one who knew my mind, my heart. It wasn't me who wasn't ready, it was him. I pulled back and looked into his worried eyes.

"I am ready. It's you who's not ready. You can't even think about touching me. I want to give myself to you. I want to feel you." I stated, partly begging and partly aggravated.

"Your fear holds you back, and you can't give in because you're afraid of me, afraid of hurting me.  But that's exactly what you're doing, whether you realize it or not." My words were no longer angry, they were passionate and truthful.

He was silent for a few moments. He seemed to be warring with his inner demons again. This was not what a wedding night should have been like. I had never had one before, but I was sure it wasn't supposed to have been like this. It was supposed to be love and passion, not fear and arguing.

"You're right." He admitted after a few moments of thought.

Then he jumped on me, pushed me to the bed and straddled me. He pulled my top down so half of me was bare. He had given in, Hallelujah! I thought I would have had to beg. He was awfully moral for a lust-filled vampire. I was giddy when he kissed my neck and massaged it with his tongue.

"Is it going to hurt?" I questioned, though I hadn't wanted him to answer because I was certain I'd already known the answer.

"Aria, it will only hurt if you want it to." He smirked and winked.

"You perv!" I joked. I felt incredibly nervous again. Butterflies swirled in my stomach relentlessly.

'"Only a little, I'm sorry but the first time is uncomfortable." He'd spoken softly because he was serious now. I grimaced in response.

"You've had worse, don't worry this will be nothing." He looked away regretfully, as though it pained him to mention it.

It had been pure agony and suffering those months I was held captive. It had turned me apprehensive and skittish, but that couldn't have been helped. He was right though. I'd been through much worse. Surely a little bloodletting and the loss of innocence was no comparison to what I had endured.

"Well..." I brought his face to mine and breathed on to his lips seductively. "Don't keep a girl waiting. I'm not getting any younger."

With those words of approval, he unleashed his pent up desires. He trailed his cool fingertips softly across my cheek, to my jaw, down my neck and across my collar bone to my shoulder. He followed this line with his lips. He passionately placed kisses on my hot skin.

It sent such desire burning through me and other sensations I wasn't quite sure of. He returned his lips to the crook of my neck. My veins bulged beneath my thin flesh. My heart pounded with anticipation and reservation. I knew I'd have to be bitten and give up my innocence, I was uncertain if I had the courage for both in one night.

"Are you ready?" He whispered and nodded subtly.

I pulled a calming breath into my lungs and felt the pierce of his sharp fangs into my body. It was painful. I felt the sting, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't have endured it. I'd become a little lightheaded, undoubtedly due to the loss of blood, but I was also exhilarated.

I saw his enjoyment when he drank the sweet nectar of my body. It pleased me immensely. I struggled to shake off the pain when his mouth left my skin abruptly. He must have had enough. I stared into his eyes. Rivers of satisfaction from tasting my blood had overflown
in them.

He kissed me and I responded fully even though I tasted traces of my blood. I was lustful, so I grabbed fistfuls of his lustrous, long dark locks and pulled him tighter into our embrace. He pulled away slightly, loosened my dress and brought it over my head.

"You've done this before." It was a statement, not a question. A hint of jealousy and nervousness rose in me because he'd have been my first and only lover, yet I wouldn't have been his.

"I'm 25 Arianna, how long would you expect me to wait? It’s hardly an easy task for a young vampire male. He sighed. I blushed at the thought of him with another woman.

"I'm not going to lie, it's happened a few times before. It's very hard for vampires to control the lust at times. Sex and blood have grown and become entwined." I sighed, a little disappointed with his confession. I wished I was his one and only everything.
 
"It's okay Xavier, I understand that men have needs that mustn't be ignored." I stated, a bit of jealousy had risen in my tone. I'd better not ever meet one of his whores or it wouldn't have been a pretty sight.

"Don't worry. It was long before I met you." Well, that didn't make me feel any better. I felt he wasn't entirely truthful about the sheer volume of his sexual escapades, but now was not the time for discussions of other women and past conquests.

"I've never had a virgin before." He added with a sexy smirk. If I hadn't loved him so completely, I'd have left already. Yet I couldn't have held his past against him, especially before I'd come into his life.

"Well that makes me feel better." Sarcasm oozed from my mouth in waves. My moth and mind were at war.

"Don't be jealous. You are the only one I want. Forever, I will only ever have you." He got up and removed his clothes rather seductively.

I gazed upon his naked form. It hurt to look at his beauty. He was like a statue carved in marble. He was smooth, muscled and defined. I almost looked away out of sheer surprise. I was lost in thoughts of how I would have endured him, when I realized I was gawking.

"Do you want to you know?" He smiled inquisitively. Embarrassment covered my face.

"You are a perv! No, I don't want to. That’s just, ugh." I lied. He was devastatingly sexy and I wanted to explore every inch of him, but I couldn't have admitted it.

It made me feel a bit unease that he'd be stuck with me for the rest of my life, when he was gorgeous. I was desperate to feel him but I needed to build up more courage first. He lay next to me naked, and caressed my body lightly which sent shivers throughout my body.

"You're beautiful." He breathed in a sultry tone. "You've always been beautiful, since I first laid eyes on you at 12 years old."

I hadn't agreed with my husband's summation. I knew the scars were nearly imperceptible, even to the advanced vision of the vampire eye. But I'd still seen them every time I looked in the mirror, still felt them when i closed my eyes. I hadn't forgotten. They would never have healed, but I hadn't let those shameful thoughts interfere with the moment.

"So sexy, that I can't control myself any longer." Desire oozed from his lips but I never said a word.

He stroked my body gently almost seductively. Soft moans escaped my lips when I was overcome with lust. I just wanted to have felt him, gotten the full experience. I had finally found the courage I'd sought after.

"Be gentle." I urged quietly, nervously.

"You're sure you're ready?" He questioned. His voice was concerned and husky. I nodded wantonly. I wasn't certain that I'd found the will to endure him, but my conviction was strong.

The feel of his naked body and mine connected in desire and love, was too much to have contained.

Our hands and lips moved desperately and ferociously. I could never have gotten enough of his perfect body. Soon enough, I writhed in rapture I had no idea if I'd done anything correctly, but electricity surged throughout me so I gathered that I had. I shuddered when the tidal wave of overwhelming ecstasy overtook me. He kissed me passionately, devoured me with all he had.

"I love you." He panted breathlessly. I was exhausted as well.

I reveled in my rapture for a short time. It was the most joyous moment I had ever experienced. We had become one, melded together like two halves of a whole. I hadn't thought I would have been grateful for his previous experiences, but I was in awe of his skill, passion and love. He was a true man.

"And I love you." I responded blissfully. I would have loved him forever and nothing could've changed that.

Xavier POV

I shivered with pleasure. Impatient moans escaped me. I couldn't stand it any longer. My lust overflowed and I had to take her. I never wanted her touched by another man, not after what Gabriel had done. I'd hoped I wouldn't cause her much pain, but I couldn't be sure. I couldn't harm her, not her. She nodded with reservation, so I complied.

Her heart pounded. I'd never felt such rapture when I was inside of a woman. But this was not any woman. She was the woman I loved. While my mouth attacked hers, I filled her with all of my affection, my pleasure, love and desire. I gave her everything I had to offer, all my unbridled emotion.

"I love you." I panted. I never thought, before that moment, that I could have found my other half, but I had and it was her. In some ways, I had known it from that very day I'd seen her so many years ago.

  "And I love you." She uttered breathlessly, struggling for air. I marveled in the ecstasy, the love I felt for her.

We had come finally come together and would be one forever.

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There you have it... the deed is done! Comment & vote :)