(18+) Smooth Xscape (Complete)

Ch. 12: Of course not!

"JOE?!"

"MISSY?!" we screamed simultaneously.

"WE'RE SINKING!!"

"YOU ARE PREGNANT?!?"

We stared at each other, barely taking in what the other had said. Then Joe repeated himself.

"A-are you p-pregnant...?"

I scoffed loudly.

"What?! Nooo! Of course not! Where did you get that idea?"

"The man says... Well, he says a lot of things I don't understand, but he's patting his belly and points at you. I-is th...."

I cut him off with annoyance written all over my face.

"Listen, mister! The only one pregnant here is the man who suggested it. And frankly, I don't give a rat's ass to try to explain to him, that..."

I turned to the Mexican with an angry glare, and saw him cower a little.

"...I'm notos preggos, assholos! Capish?! Do I look fat to you?!"

Then I turned back to Joe and repeated myself.

"Do I look fat to you?!"

"Of course not, Missy! But you have been sick several times the last hour, and..."

"BECAUSE I WAS AIRSICK, JACKASS! OKAY?!"

"But we're not up..."

"The only thing you need to wrap your head around, is that this birds nest we're sitting on, is fucking sinking! Do you hear me?! SINK-ING!"

Joe blinked a few times, and finally managed to tear his eyes away from me. He glanced quickly back to the Mexican, who looked like he wished he was on a different planet. And honest to God, I didn't blame him. I mean, I wouldn't mind... Then Joe's eyes caught sight of where I was pointing.

"That... Wasn't under water...earlier," he mumbled.

"Exactly! Now, if you don't mind, I would appreciate if you came up with a clever idea of what to do. What? Nothing? Yeah, I thought so..."

I tried to comb my fingers through my hair, but gave up because it was so wet and tangled, so I stomped my foot in frustration instead.

"W-we can swim...?"

Joe's incredibly stupid suggestion made me roll my eyes so hard, that I thought I'd never be able to see straight again.

"Really... Swim? Did you by any chance grow fins and gils, and a friggin balcony on your back for me and the foreigner to stand on, while you swim us to safety?! No? Darn... You just got my hopes up!"

"Uhm... Per definition, the Mexican is less of a foreigner than we are, so I don't..."

"Will you shut up?! We need to get our asses to shore!"

"I know! And I suggest that we swim, bec..."

"We! Are! Not! Swimming!" I screamed at him.

"There really is no limit to your idiocy, is there?"

I sighed and tried to calm myself.

"If we swim, Joe, we're gonna die. Twice!"

"What?! No! And how ar..."

"First of all, it's too far to swim! And second..."

I waved my arms dramatically around in the air in front of him.

"...SHARKS!!! They eat people!"

"But, Missy... I'm sure..."

"Don't Missy me, powderbutt! If I could, I would fucking beat the puberty out of you, and force you to be a man, because I've never met someone as useless and retarded as..."

The Mexican cut in between us, and my eyes snapped up at him. I hadn't noticed his body odour before, but I most certainly did now. And this was after he had taken off his clothes and bathed in the sea....! Needless to say; I puked...

He jolted aside, and barely got out of the way for my sudden outburst, figuratively speaking. But truth to be told, I was too angry to really get embarrassed. And Joe knew how agitated I was, so he didn't dare to rub my back this time. Instead he kept his distance, while resting his hands on his hips and a slight pout on his face.

"Alli viene un bote."

Both of us looked at the Mexican and discovered that he was pointing at something in the distance. Joe saw it before me.

"A boat! Missy! We're saved!"

Spontaneously, and totally without thinking, he jumped over to me, wrapped his arms around me and picked me up in the air. And then... He kissed me.

"Nooooooooooo!" I yelled, and he groaned loudly.

"I just puked!!!"

I pushed him away, and saw him blushing and smiling like an idiot. But then he kissed me again, and groaned for the second time.

"Stop kissing me! I taste bad! It's disgusting!"

I tried to get away from him, but he had framed me like an octopus. And the intensity in his kiss made me lose all focus for a moment, only able to process the feeling of his soft, hungry lips on mine, and his tongue that teased my teeth. And I'm pretty sure that the hefty makeout session would've escalated fairly quick, if it weren't for the half naked, smelling man next to us. He didn't say anything. And I swear, that embarrassed me more than if he'd interrupted us, either verbally or physically.

"You are a bundle of beautiful when you're mad, Missy. And I don't mind becoming a father at all!"

He dug his face into the crook of my neck, and sighed like a fool.

He really believes that? He thinks you're pregnant? ARE you pregnant? When was your last period? When did you get your last shot at the doctor's office? Gail...? Gail! FUCK! You might be pregnant!!!