true memoirs of a Christian trans boy who tries to balance his faith with his sexuality and gender identity, all the while fighting off depression, anxiety, and a self harm addiction.
I've been tracking my daily moods since October 2017. Back then, it wasn't unusual for me to have bad days, or even horrible days. That was just life. It never got better than "okay." I would spend hours self harming, and stay up late at night wondering whether to kill myself or not. I had so much dysphoria I could barely shower or get out of bed.
I went to the psychiatric hospital four times, a total of ten weeks. Then I went to a residential treatment center for three months.
The difference between then and now is astonishing. When I first got to treatment, I hated it so much that I said I'd rather die than be there. By the time I was finished, I'd been clean from self harm for three weeks, I was able to be around a group of people for many hours without having a panic attack, and I was able to talk myself down from most major dysphoria.
It gets better. I promise.
Here are shots of my monthly mood, the first five from November 2017 to March 2018, and the last from this month, September.
No matter how bad it gets, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. There's always a good life waiting for you. You just have to have the courage to find it.
November 2017
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December 2017
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January 2018
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February 2018
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March 2018
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September 2018
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To everyone struggling with mental health: you are stronger than you know, and braver than you thought. And you have to endure it. Because no matter who you are, or where you come from, you are valuable, and someone out there loves you. Someone out there will miss you. And if you can't think of anyone like that, I'll be that person for you. I love you. I need you.
I added some hotlines because you can never post these enough.
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