If I Could Tell Him... [modern LAMS AU]

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Shout-out to Lamsismyotp827, and SmolGayTurtle!!

Alexander Hamilton P.O.V

I look at Peggy's small figure. She looks mortified. Well, she has the right. Her wide eyes seem to be torn between surprise and fangirlism.

"Peggs... I can explain..." John starts. Peggy starts running. We get up and start chasing after her. Damn, she's too small to be this fast!

We finally catch up to her and hold her arms. She struggles.

"Peggy, listen to us," John says. "Will you please just listen to me?"

He proceeds to do the Johnny eyes. They are more effective than puppy eyes, so they have their own name.

Peggy's expression is like a father who can't give candy to his child. She sighs and gives in.

We go back to Eliza's room, were I let John do the talking. He tells her what happened and he is holding back a smile.

"Peggs, you know how I feel about him and how much I cried when he said he liked Eliza... I know I can't ask you to give up your sister for me, but I'd appreciate if you could keep this secret for a bit... At least until we can figure out what to do".

He sighs. He looks like he's about to cry. Peggy hugs him.

"Oh, John... Of course I'll keep this a secret! After what you guys have suffered for each other!"

John smiles on her shoulder. I imagine what it would be like if she officiated our wedding. "Oh, I remember the day they started dating! I walked into my sister's room and they were making out on the bed. They were such a lovely couple".

Yeah, not happening. I put a hand on her shoulder. She pulls away from John and hugs me. She's adorable, honestly. Like a little sister.

"You listen to me you son of a bitch, you hurt him, and I'll hunt you down and torture the living hell out of you, until you die a bloody, painful death".

Yup, adorable! I'm gonna watch myself though, just in case. I give her a quick nod and she smiles. John looks confused, but he smiles.

"Um, guys, you know I'm very supportive and shipping, but, Angelica's gon kick your ass," she says. Ah. I forget about Angelica's existence some times.

John's eyes are wide in fear. Peggy is right. Angelica is strong, sassy and protective. We are both dead shit.

Unless...

"Nobody needs to know..."

They both look at me.

"This could always remain secret until Eliza and I break up naturally," I explain. "Nobody needs to know we kissed today".

Peggy has a omg-you-haven't-even-left-the-room-and-you're-already-fucking-up-boi face. John sighs.

"Sure". I look at him. "That'll do," he says. Peggy realizes we need a second alone. She gets up and leaves.

"John..." I start. He cuts me short.

"No. I get it. You have a girlfriend," he whispers. "I am the one who came and ruined it..."

"John, honey... I like you a lot... I really do," I say. He looks down. God, I feel horrible. I reach out to place a strand of hair behind his ear. I caress his cheek.

"I'd leave Eliza for you, I really would..." He looks back up again. "But right now, I can't. I have to wait a little. I can't break her heart like that..." He gets up. He's mad.

"What about my heart?!" The tears start running down his cheeks. His face is red. "I loved you first!"

"John... I-"

"NO! I've had enough of your shit! You and Eliza can get married for all I care! It's not like I was willing to give you my heart!" His voice finally breaks and he looks down crying.

Ok, now he's just being overly dramatic! "I don't owe any commitment to you! We made out! That's it!"

Before I can react, he slaps me across the face. He runs a hand through his hair.

"I never wanted your commitment..."

He runs out of the room before I can assimilate what just happened.

The slap mark on my face is burning. I think I'm bleeding. I don't care. I feel dead.

John is gone, Peggy is probably pissed, Angelica will kill me, and Eliza... Eliza is just going to be so heartbroken...

God... I break everything I touch... That's why my father left, that's why my mother died.

Why am I still alive?