Ashton's Baby

Chapter Thirty-Seven

He packed all day yesterday and the next morning. Luke offered to help, but Ashton swore it wouldn't take him that long...

Luke was nervous to be alone that long. He wasn't sure why that was. He knew he would survive. It wasn't like he'd have to scour the streets for food or money. And he could always count on the warmth from his bed. The blonde just didn't know what he would do while Ashton was away.

Heath sat on the edge of Ashton's bed, keeping him company while he packed. The older man patted the dog's head.

"I'm glad you're here to watch Luke for me. He's still getting better, Heath". The dog placed his head in his arms. Ashton sighed, "let this week go by fast".

Luke was downstairs watching some sort of cheesy comedy. He was wearing a long sleeve black shirt and black sweatpants. Ashton couldn't look at him without picturing him breaking in half from being so thin. He really hoped his week away wouldn't hurt the boys recovery.

* * *

"The history test is next week, right?" Luke asked Michael who was sitting at the bar counter with him. The blonde boy had his head barely above the book and his coffee cup was nearing empty.

Michael frowned, "it's this Thursday"

"Oh shit" Luke growled, slamming his math book closed. He felt a raging pain burn is his chest.

"You're good at history. It will be a breeze for you". Michael assured him.

Luke only glared, "I am not good at history. It won't be a breeze. I don't even know where to start".

"That's why we're studying now".

The younger boy shoved all of his texts in his bag and closed it sloppily as he darted to his room. Luke's classes were slowly becoming more intense and covering many more topics than ever before. He wasn't sure he'd survive this semester.

Michael didn't know what came over Luke. He figured the boy was just stressed without Ashton and trying to figure out how to readjust to the situation.

Luke's chest felt heavy. It was a a familiar heaviness that he didn't know how to describe. The floor just seemed like it wanted to come up and meet him.

Luke sucked in a breath. The heavy sobs of an anxiety attack lied in his chest as well.

Evil thoughts rang through his mind, "idiot," "you're so stupid," "you can't do this," "your life is worthless,". The blonde bit back a sob as his tears fell. The last thought always got to him the most. His body heaved forward and he found himself sobbing to himself. All Luke wanted was to be happy, to find a way to live his best life, but day after day his classes made him feel so stupid, worthless.

Michael didn't know it, but Luke wasn't eating. Ashton had been gone for four days and his charge was starving himself all of those days. Luke found that he could easily spit his food into napkins or feed it to Heath because Michael wasn't as perceptive as Ashton was to those things. And Luke did his best to hide his feelings.

Three days until Ashton would come home and find Luke a mess. The blonde pulled his comforter over his head and sniffled. It was the feeling of worthlessness that brought him to nearly craving the feeling of no feelings at all.

Luke wanted to feel pain. He wanted to feel something and pain was such a sure feeling. So, he took to ruining his body when Michael wasn't around. Calum would stop by for about an hour every night and just check in, but he never checked for very much.

Luke wondered then if Ashton or Calum really enjoyed his presence. His guilty crush, guardian, and cheerleader probably didn't want such a depressing kid living with him. Luke sighed, he didn't even like himself. He wondered how anyone else could like him. He loved Ashton more than Ashton probably loved him. The more Luke thought about his crush on Ashton, the worse it became. He wanted to not like him at all, but Ashton was loveable. He was supportive and manly, but boyish all at once.

And Calum was their brick. He settled the air when tension would rise.

Luke liked them both, but wondered if they liked him back. He didn't even think Michael liked him anymore.