memento vivere

ten // ❝ camila was love itself. ❞

normal days weren't existent for me. but sitting here under the roof that i felt like might crumble down by the tenth day that we stay here for. it took us a day and a half to know that there was an organ stored down in the basement, we didn't even know about the basement until we discovered it—the door being near the kitchen's side. before anything else surprised me, i was thinking of just keeping the organ collect dust below there until camila went over to play a complete melody.

i watched behind her, seeing how her fingers pressed down on each key and it created so many symphonies and i could feel every centimeter of my soul and my body being dragged along with the instrumental. in reality, i may look subtle and compact but i was really beginning to lose myself in whatever that camila played. i didn't want that to happen for all i knew, so i sat down to her right and just acted like it was a concert in the first row.

she stopped playing the organ. “was it good?”

“it was like you,” i said and pressed down hard on three keys, creating a nonsensical sound.

“what do you mean?” she asked, facing me.

“when i look at you, i feel like i want to lose myself in you in a way that i would feel complete. when i look at you, there's this feeling in my stomach that makes me highly unstable and it just feels right. i suppose none of this makes sense to you.” i scratched the back of my neck and smiled towards her.

camila returned the smile. “it's okay, go on, i wanna hear it.”

“why? you know i'm not good with words,” i declared, laughing.

“you're not! come on, keep going, please.”

i stared at her again, it was not something i would be tired of whether it had to be done forever. forever was a long time, and sometimes it was short depending on how it ended but i was willing to give camila my forever if it meant just being with her. it fucking does not make sense because love never occurred to me at first sights, not with my family, not with my asshole friends, not with the girls that i knew about. but when i look at camila? i start to lose it and i forget all about everything about me.

she made me feel like i was in heaven.

and maybe if i lost her, i would feel like i was in hell.

“comparing whatever musical piece that was that you played to, you were like it in so many different ways because i feel this thing in every atom of my body where it's not like i was wasted by family, that i hadn't felt being like shit for all the time you weren't here—the same time before we met. you just taught me things that i thought i could understand and now that we met, i figured that i know better with you.”

“man, i get carried away so quick.” i laughed it off and saw that camila was intently giving a hard listen to my words.

“can we dance now?” i stood up from the provided stool and camila repeated my actions. we both walked over to the middle of the basement where it had a more spacious area.

“there's no music, how can we dance?” she asked and looked around, maybe looking for a stereo or something that was a source of music.

i chuckled. “we don't always need music to dance, do we?”

camila gave me a simper before she slightly leaned her body on mine. i enclosed my left hand with camila's right hand as my other hand went to her hip, and at last her left her went to my shoulder. we didn't move that second and started to think something was awfully wrong.

i decided to question it. “do you know how to dance?”

she bit her lip. then she let it go. “no, actually.”

“follow my lead and we'll be fine.” i watched her nod and i inherently let my body do the dancing. i was used to dancing this way when i was still younger, all the moves and where my feet should step next, how i should have moved with the melody in the background that was, unfortunately, not provided as of now.

“when did you learn how to dance?” camila inclined her head on my shoulder and adjusted her hand (that was not holding mine) to my back where i thought it was in a better position already. i waited for how many seconds before i answered.

“my dad,” i started, painfully. “he taught my brother this. i watched them from my bedroom. i wanted to learn, too. so i peered from afar and listened to his instructions. my dad was undoubtedly a good dancer and it was only once that he said to my brother that he used to dance with mother like this.”

camila's hand on my back felt like it squeezed me more, indicating that she knew how much of a sensitive subject every thing was to me. even when it came to dancing, it was sensitive and nothing that i enjoyed talking about. nonetheless, camila knew more than anyone else about me, which i found out of place for a long time.

“you learned a thing from him,” camila recognized.

i almost let out a sarcastic laugh when she said that. but then i realized that it was true all along. the most unnecessary father on earth taught his daughter a thing or two, lesser that it was not directed to her, anyway. public school barely taught my mind things that i was supposed to know, things that i wanted to learn from school—like how to love, how to live a life, how to save my fucking brother from committing suicide, how to make my parents really proud of me, how to fix a family that was broken, how to figure out what you have to do in life to make yourself satisfied and happy enough to just live.

but no, they taught me mathematics. it was not like i would calculate how many blood cells that camila had in her body. i learned things that i was not using now. i didn't care about the digestive system, it did me nothing good when it came to sex. i didn't need to learn about the heart and the fact that it pumps blood, because all i needed to know was that i'd die if it stopped beating.

“i did, i guess. now we're here dancing.” i was about to make another move and camila beat me to it by lifting her head up from my shoulder and i saw her eyes again. it was the only pair of eyes that i thought would be only ones that i fell in love with. i was right.

“y/n,” camila called. “you know what?”

“what?” i looked deep into her brown eyes. it was the same as ever. i loved it.

“i love you so fucking much.”

“camila,” i said.

“what?”

“i love you so fucking much, too.”

fin.

[ a/n: a happy ending for those who wanted it.

there's a sequel, i wouldn't leave the story like this, of course.

(sneak peek: the title's MEMENTO MORI, meaning remember you will die.)

update, january 2020: i decided that this won't get a sequel. maybe it's better off leaving it like this (:

thank you for reading, though! i've written this book in the span of two days. from august 30 to august 31 of 2018. i hope you enjoyed and liked whatever it is that i have written. thank you for reading and thank you for tolerating my cringy writing.

cheers for more? ]