The Official Douche Bag Travel Guide of Chad Barrington

Travel Tip #3: Make Friends

     The ride to the resort actually took close to two hours, because the bus got a flat that had to be replaced by the driver. Harrison wasn't as annoying as Chad thought he would be but it still made for a long, uncomfortable drive. The fact that Harrison was going to be staying at the same resort also meant that the odds of bumping into him again and again were greatly heightened. Rather than dwell on the bad, Chad preferred to look forward to the good things that were to come, such as warm pools, free bars, and a lot of hot women in string bikinis. As much of a pain Harrison seemed to be, he would be more than tolerable as long as he didn't try to move into his suite. Once he was checked in, Chad rested for about an hour before leaving his room to explore. It was very warm on the tropical island, so he replaced the jeans and sneakers with shorts and sandals before wandering around. The resort was enormous, to the point where it took over an hour to walk around it. The pool was massive and actually looked like a lagoon, which was smart marketing on the resort's part. He passed by the place where he would be eating his meals, a massive hall with a buffet that served three meals a day, only taking an hour between meals to break. There were also a few massive barbeques outside the eating area, which one of his brochures explained was the daily fire pit to grill meat for the evening meal. Chad smiled at the thought, as he looked forward to consuming a lot of charred meats the entire two weeks he was here. But the longer he strolled around the massive resort, the more he noticed the weird looks he was getting. Despite what Harrison knew, he was doubtful Councillor Douche Bag had gone that viral, so it was evident that his loner act was starting to creep some people out, which was something he was definitely going to have to counter if he was going to have a good time at this resort. Part of Chad wasn't too worried about it. He understood that those that were creeped out were likely to sensitive and fragile to handle his personality and were not worth hanging out with in the first place. Yet he was feeling displaced and he hadn't been there more than a day. Chad was afraid that the longer he was seen alone, the more creepy and stalkerish he would look. He needed to find some friends to blend in with, but he wasn't desperate enough to chum up with Harrison just yet. He needed something that helped his image, not looked more desperate than himself. Chad was back in the massive lobby of the resort, watching people as they came and went while he pretended to read a magazine. He had sunglasses on so that no one would know what he was really looking at, and it seemed to be working as he was able to observe many people and how their posture and attitude told him as they all strolled by. His couch was in the middle of the lobby so it gave him a prime view of several spots in the massive resort, perched like an eagle that was looking down for his prey.

     It was at this point where a young boy, no older than twelve, walked over and sat himself down on the other couch opposite of Chad's. While it partially blocked his view, he didn't say anything as he was trying to keep his presence on the down low. Chad was unaware that his approach had the opposite effect on the young man.

     "Dude, you are totally creeping over there." The young man called out.

     "Excuse me," Chad said as he took off his sunglasses, "How so?"

     "First off," the young man started, "You're either the slowest reader in the world, or you're clearly using that magazine to hide the fact that you're people watching."

     Chad sighed, "Not turning the pages fast enough?"

     "Precisely," the boy confirmed, "If you truly want to look distracted, use a tablet. No pages need to be turned and you can be pretend to be watching a movie or a video on youtube. I would also recommend ear buds, so that way people will think you can't hear them and talk louder and that would make your eavesdropping a lot easier."

     "This sounds like experience rather than theory," Chad said as he tossed the magazine onto the table. "You're a lot smarter than you look."