Gasoline

Hold Me Now

Diana stared at Hopper, stunned. "You're fucking kidding me right?" Diana spewed. "Language!" Lynnette snapped. "Oh fuck off Lynn! You don't have shit to say to me, you're not my mom. And Rudy, don't bother saying anything to me because you're not my dad either" she felt her face get hot as the tears began to pour out of her eyes. "Diana.." Hopper began but she put a hand up to stop him. "Im done. I cant listen to anymore of what any of you have to say. Please. Please just leave me alone" she fled the room, running up the hallway stairs two at a time, slamming her bedroom door.

Rudy ran a hand through his dark hair "Well that didn't go as well as I had hoped" he let out a nervous chuckle and looked over at Lynn, who had been staring straight ahead since Diana screamed at her. "I figured that was going to happen" Hopper crossed his arms as he stood up from the table. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. It was selfish of me" he removed his sheriff's hat and threw it down on the table "Now what?" he asked. Rudy shook his head "Now we wait for her to calm down then try talking to her. We better leave her for tonight so she can settle down. She needs time to adjust and she has always done the best adjusting on her own. If we try to talk tonight we'll spook her and she'll shut down, trust me". Hopper nodded and looked over at Lynn, who still hadn't said a word. "You alright?" he asked, she nodded "Fine" she replied quietly. Lynn flinched as she heard a loud crash from upstairs. "That's her adjusting" Rudy told Hopper, then closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, looking defeated.

Upstairs, Diana smashed a glass coffee mug against her wall, shattering it. Tears flowed freely now as she knocked pictures off her dresser. She picked one up of her and her mom feeding one of the horses down the road when she was about nine, and stopped dead in her tracks. She ran a finger over the photo, gasping for breath as sobs escaped her. She wondered how all this had come to be. She had always thought her mother had sent her real father away, when in reality he had been within arms reach all along. She wondered how a woman as loving as her mom had just cast aside the man of her dreams, and father of her child. In that moment she hated her mother for it. She hated that she had lied to her all these years. She tossed the frame on the bed and went to her window. She opened it and popped out her screen, looking at the trellis that was leaning against the fence, climbed out the window, scurried across the roof and down into the garden.

She landed in the dirt on her back but she didn't care. She started jogging down her street. The November night was cold and there was a dampness in the air. All she had on was corduroy skirt and off the shoulder shirt from earlier. She ran down the street in her moccasin slippers, wishing she had put on real shoes. She felt the tears melt away as she picked up speed down the dimly lit road.

When she stopped running she found herself out front of the small white house on Cherry Road. Billy's house. She only saw his blue Camaro parked in the driveway so she figured his parents weren't home again. She went up the dark steps and tapped on the door, shivering as she waited.

The porch light flickered on and a tired looking Billy wearing nothing but grey sweatpants opened the door. He looked at her confused, then concerned. "What the fuck happened to you?" he asked, stepping aside so she could step in. She had her arms wrapped around herself, her face red and puffy from crying, mud splatters covered her slippers and halfway up to her knees.

She looked up at him, tears brimming her eyes, threatening to fall. He pursed his lips then circled her in his muscled arms, squeezing tightly. She rested her head against his chest as she wept.    

He led her to the bathroom, turning the shower on hot. He left, returning with a well worn Metallica tshirt and a pair of blue boxers. "Here. Shower, you're covered in shit. You can wear these as pajamas" he set the clothes on the counter and shut the door behind him as he left. She hopped into the shower, the hot water warming her cold bones almost immediately. She stood under the tap until the water went cold.

She wandered down the hall in the clothes Billy had leant her, walking toward the only room with a light on. Billy was pulling the covers back on his bed when she walked in. "You look much better, Red" he said softly as she entered the room. Her long red hair hung damp to almost her waist, her green eyes almost glowing. She offered him a small smile as she sat on the edge of his bed. "So, you gonna tell me what had you so upset?" he raised an eyebrow at her as he took a seat behind her on the bed.

She looked over her shoulder at him as he laid back, pulling her in between his legs so that she could lay back on his chest, his tan arms circling her. She took a deep breath as she relaxed into his arms. "Apparently my real dad is Chief Hopper" she said. "Oh, that all?" he asked. "Is that all? My mom tossed him out of our lives completely, never even gave the man a chance! Then she married poor Rudy, basically forced him to be my dad. Don't think I didn't see how much they soooo didn't love each other. He'd go on trips for work and my mom would spend every day with Hopper. Then she dies and Rudy marries Lynn like five months later. Yeah, seemed like a healthy set up they had going" she stiffened in Billy's arms.

"Ok. Im sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that" he said defensively. The two sat quiet for a moment before he spoke. "My dad married Susan pretty quick after my mom died. She had cancer, for a long while. My dad never did shit to help her out, and I know he was screwing Susan behind her back, while the woman was dying no less" he said, disgusted. "When she died, Susan pretty much moved right in with us. Everyone just acted like my mom had never existed, moved all her stuff out, replaced it with Susan's shit. My old man got worse too, I mean he was always an asshole, but he just got straight mean after my mom died." Diana looked up at Billy, his blue eyes sad.

"Im so sorry Billy. I know how hard it is to lose your mom. Mine had a brain aneurysm that nobody knew about until one day she just up and died. We had plans that evening too. We were going to make peanut butter cookies, I think" she felt her eyes begin to well up with tears again.

Billy rubbed her arm comfortingly. "We moved here so I could 'have a fresh start'. Honestly, I just coast through most days. Just like I coast through most girls. The popularity kept my mind off shit, off how fucked up I am. I know Im not worth saving, Diana. I know it. So please tell me why, every time I look  at you I feel like I could be more? Like I could actually amount to something? Like I could be loved.." he trailed off as she turned to look at him, her arms on either side of his hips.

"Billy, you are worth saving. I see it inside you. You may think that this hard exterior you put out is who you actually are but I see it now. The guy who saved me from that creep at the movies. The guy who came to check on me when I was sick at the party. I see you. The real you. I couldn't see it before, but I see it now. And I don't ever want to stop seeing you. Ever."