Imperfectus | ON HOLD

XXIX.

. . .

Mahinang kumatok si Hansol sa kuwarto ni Seungkwan bago pumasok. Nakita n'ya ito na nakaupo sa kama at kaharap ang laptop n'ya.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?" tanong ni Hansol bago umupo sa tabi ni Seungkwan at niyakap ito.

"Booking our flights."

Naramdaman ni Hansol ang pagbaliktad ng sikmura n'ya sa narinig. Sa susunod na araw na ang alis nila papuntang Jeju. Sure he's excited to meet the parents of the man he loves the most but he can't help but overthink.

"Boo. . ."

"Hmm?"

"I know we never really talked about this at hindi ko alam kung ayos lang ba sa'yong pagusapan natin 'to pero. . ." bulong ni Hansol. Sinara ni Seungkwan ang laptop n'ya at humarap dito.

"Ano 'yon?"

"Does your parents know you're. . . gay?" nag-iingat na tanong ni Hansol.

Seungkwan was taken aback by that but remained composed. Ilang segundo s'yang hindi sumagot at tinitigan lang si Hansol habang nakangiti.

"Hindi."

Nakita n'ya kung paano agad na bumalot ang pag-aalala sa mga mata ni Hansol. Inabot n'ya ang dalawang kamay nito at mahigpit na hinawakan.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll be fine."

"Paano kung h-hindi ka nila matanggap? I mean, p-paano kung paglayuin nila tayo?" nauutal na sabi ni Hansol.

"Ano naman? It doesn't matter, Sol. As long as we have each other nothing else matters."

"Pero Seungkwan, mga magulang mo sila. You can't just turn your back on them like that?"

Hindi s'ya sumagot. Nanatili lang s'yang nakatitig sa mga mata ni Hansol. The smile he was wearing earlier was no longer visible.

"Ano'ng gusto mo'ng mangyari, Hansol? 'Wag na lang tayo tumuloy?"

"I didn't mean it like that, Boo. They're your parents."

"I mean, kung ayaw mo ayos lang naman sa'kin. Kahit itago pa natin sa lahat kung anong meron tayo, ayos lang sa'kin." Seungkwan tried so hard not to sound sarcastic and bitter but he couldn't help it.

"My point is, pamilya mo 'yon. Hindi maliit na bagay 'tong sasabihin natin sa kanila, Boo. Paano nga kapag hindi nila tayo natanggap? We can't just run away."

How Hansol was acting was making him feel heavy. Pakiramdam n'ya ayaw ni Hansol na tumuloy dahil natatakot s'ya. Pakiramdam n'ya hindi s'ya kayang ipaglaban ni Hansol. Pakiramdam n'ya hindi kayang hamakin ni Hansol ang lahat para sakanya and that hurt.

It was the opposite for him. Para kay Seungkwan even the heavens and hell can't separate the two of them.

Kung pwede lang ay ipagsisigawan n'ya pa sa mundo kung gaano n'ya kamahal si Hansol. Cliché but he'd really do that.

"Then so be it, Sol. Ano'ng gagawin natin? Itatago lang sa kanila? I told you magiging maayos din ang lahat."

Hindi sumagot si Hansol. This is what he hated the most, ang magtalo silang dalawa. Kitang kita n'ya ang pagpipigil ni Seungkwan ng inis.

"Boo-"

"Inaantok na 'ko. Dito ka ba matutulog?" malamig na sabi ni Seungkwan bago tumayo at pinatay ang ilaw. Humiga s'ya sa kama at tumalikod kay Hansol who sighed before moving closer to Seungkwan. "Boo, I'm sorry."

Seungkwan was hurt. Maybe he was being a little too sensitive but that's what he felt. Gagawin n'ya ang lahat para kay Hansol kahit pa talikuran n'ya ang lahat and he never hated the thought of running away with Hansol.

"What I am saying is, nag-aaral pa tayo. Hindi naman pwedeng iwan na lang natin ang mga pangarap natin nang ganun ganun lang pag hindi nila tayo natanggap."

Humarap sa kanya si Seungkwan so they're both now laying in bed, facing each other.

"Sinasabi mo bang you wouldn't run away with me if things went wrong?" Seungkwan whispered.

"Hey, that's not what I meant. I'd go anywhere with you pero not so soon. What if we do? We can't survive na walang suporta ng pamilya natin. Hindi tayo mabubuhay ng pagmamahal lang, Boo." Hansol carefully said before running his fingers through Seungkwan's hair. 

"I told you, it's gonna be fine. Magtiwala ka lang sakin, please?"

Hansol remained staring at Seungkwan. Gustuhin man n'yang maniwala ay hindi n'ya pa rin mapigilan ang kabahan. 

"Okay, Boo."

Seungkwan smiled and hugged Hansol. Kahit s'ya ay kinakabahan din at hindi sigurado kung matatanggap ba sila ng pamilya n'ya pero hindi na 'yon mahalaga. Gusto n'yang makilala nila si Hansol.