My bully , Ashton Irwin

chapter 21

(!! PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END !! )

Ashton's P.O.V.

 

As my eyes opened , the first thing that I did was notice my surroundings . I was in a small room with plain white walls . I looked beside me and there she was . Her hands around my waist , her head was resting on my stomach . My left arm was wrapped around her . Suddenly memories from last night came in my mind . I went to a party  and drunk one drink after another  . Then I came here . I still dont know why . My feet were making their own way and before I knew it , I was on her doorstep .I remember her helping me wear clothes, me smashing an object against the wall .

I remember the look on her eyes when she removed my hands from my head , preventing me from hurting myself , as she said . She looked like she cared for me . No one really cares for me . I remember that horrible nightmare that I saw . Lizzie said she hated me . Then Chris came and I hugged her and I cried . She comforted me like no one has ever done .I have never really cried in front of someone . I looked at her again . Eyes softly closed , lips slightly parted .Her brown hair was out of her face . I looked at her hands . I observed the scars that were clearly visible . The scars that I have caused .

How do I feel about this girl ? It most definetely is not hate . I dont hate her . But then why am I causing her so much pain ? When I kicked her in front of Luke , I felt guilty , I felt disgusted by myself . I shouldnt have done that . I wonder how she felt when we kissed . Did she want to pull away ? Did she like it ? When I told her to leave , I didnt mean it . I wanted her to stay there with me . But I couldnt tell her that . I just couldnt .

I want to keep her safe in my arms . Just like we are now . What will I tell her when she wakes up ? I cant face her . I gently unwrapped her arms from my waist and got off the bed . I covered her with the blankets and slowly left the room . I changed into my previous clothes and folded the clothes that I used . I placed them on the couch . I took a piece of paper , wrote a Thank You on it and placed it on the clothes , before leaving her house .

Chris's P.O.V.

I woke up , as I felt strangely cold .The warmth that I felt had disappeared  . Ashton had left . I got up and searched around the house for him , hoping that he was in the bathroom or something . But no , he had left . I will never understand him . Why did he leave ? I noticed a piece of paper on the perfectly folded clothes on the couch . I sat on the couch and took it in my hands . The Thank You , was written sloppishly but yet it was readable . I felt a knot in my stomach as I read the two words repeatedly . What is this feeling ? I have been having this for a while now . Since our lunch at Margaret's .

The door opened and dad came in . I quickly hid the paper in my pocket . He is clearly drunk . I stood up from the couch and headed to my room . I dont want to face him right now . I hate it when he is drunk .Which is all the time. I turned my head to see him passed out on the couch .I wish he stopped drinking .I wish mum had never left us . I am mad at her for giving up on our family . I was thirteen , when she said she couldnt take it anymore . She said she was too stressed out . She promised that she would come back . But she broke that promise .

flashback 

'' Mum , where are you going ?'' I asked as she headed to the door , holding a suitcase .

'' I just need a break , honey . I will be back before you even know it .'' she said , her voice being unstable . 

'' Mum dont go , please .'' I said choking in my tears . I grabbed her arm trying to get her inside .

'' I have to .I am just too stressed out .Everything will be alright .'' she said . 

'' Promise me to come back .'' I sobbed .

'' I promise .'' she said . I released my grip and she closed the door behind her before leaving .

end of flashback 

That was three years ago . I was aware of the fact that my parents had been having fights and that their relationship wasnt going good , but I never expected mum to leave us , to give up on us . Tears started streaming down  my face . I need to feel something . I quickly went to the bathroom . I took out the small blade and pressed it on my skin . The red blood started coming out from the fresh cut , as I managed to make another one . The pain made me feel alive . I looked at my scars . I really hate watching them . I remember the story behind each scar . I remember each day . I wipped the blood off my cuts and put my sleeve down , in order to hide them .  I dont know why I even hide them from dad . Like he will care for me . Nobody cares for me . Grandma cared and she died , mum cared and she left . I have no one in this world . No one cares

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Hello , my beautiful , amazing , awesome readers !! How are you ? Amnesia's video is out and I am certainly not okay at the moment . Did you like this chapter ? I think it is kinda boring . Tell me your thoughts .So , I was with a friend and she showed me a really nice website that I want to share with all of you . It is called thenicestplaceontheinter.net ( quite big , huh ? ) I am not going to tell you exactly what it is about , because I want you to visit it , but I am going to tel you that after visiting this website , you will feel better .  I am always here if you need anything . You can PM me everytime . If you feel sad or alone or just crazy :P you cant talk to me . I am here to listen to every single one of you .

SOOO , do u like the new cover of the book ? I looove it . @Samsquid made it and I have to say a big thank you to her and a huge sorry if I was being annoying . Go check out her story '' Why Me ? '' . She will be making a cover for the first five people to request and she also has her own discusion , which I will link in a comment down below . 

Also shoutout to @xxlovexxwavesxxyouxx ( hope that I wrote that correctly ) she is super sweet and nice .

 If you want a shoutout , just ask :) ALSO  for those who want to read or were reading my Michael story , I am sooooo sorry , but I deleted the story . But dont worry , I will probably repost it on September . This author's note is so looong . Anyway , I think I am going to stop now .

Love ya , bye 

xoxoC.