Imagine that with Demi Lovato (Lesbian Stories)

Under The Sky

Trigger Warning - depressing/dark thoughts. hints at self-harm. hints at suicidal tendencies. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One of my favourite things to do is to simply lay down and stare at the sky above. Day or night, it doesn't really matter to me and I know some may consider it boring but that will never matter to me. Stress is unavoidable but how we deal with it is different and depends on a variety of factors. In addition, other things come into play rather quickly. My mental health isn't the greatest. From my late teens to early adulthood it progressed until I needed a way to cope. I've tried various methods. Nobody said self-harm had to be cut. But none ever felt like enough and probably never would. Faking a smile was what I knew best because ultimately no one actually cares about how you're feeling. People only start to when they're forced to deal with them because they've been confided in. I've never been a big talker so hiding behind a mask was my first and only option.

Now my love of the sky is one of pure selfishness. It stems from a place of envy. An ugly emotion and one often considered a sin. I always found sins to be ridiculous without them are we even human. I know I must sound insane but I truly envy the sky. Every part of it. Because for me, I'm not really living, I'm simply existing.  I do the bare minimum to stay alive. However, the sky doesn't really exist, does it? It's more of a concept. The colour stems from how light reflects in reaction to our atmosphere so without that light would we even have a sky? Or would we be staring into what the outside of our planet truly looks like?  I wish for that in more ways than one. That sense of beauty and effect but without really existing in the first place. Since I was little I've always wanted to make an impact in some way or another but being alive seems like too much work. And thus my love for a distant dream was born and I've lived with it ever since. 

One day, I met a girl at my local park. I was just lying down, in the middle of a field, on top of a checkered blanket, doing what I love most. It was early evening so people were beginning to make there way home but I stayed, not like I was in any rush to get back to that feeling of emptiness back home. Stood over me, she told me she was curious as to what I was doing.

"Looking at the sky," I responded like it was obvious because to me it was. She clearly didn't understand the logic behind my answer as another sentence came to bother me.

"You can't watch the sunset by staring directly upwards."

I finally looked at her, my brows furrowed. She was a brunette. Not all that tall. And was sporting an off the shoulder, white dress with a tiny floral pattern. "I don't want to watch the sunset."

"I do though. Do you mind if I sit?"

I didn't answer her because I didn't own the park. She was free to sit where she liked. For some reason that meant she wanted to sit directly next to me. I never spoke to her again that day nor did she speak to me. We just sat admiring the sky in completely different ways. It was kind of nice to have some company for once.

 Following on from that day whenever I found myself in that park, she was always there. I even tried moving to a different spot but still, she showed up. One day I finally asked her why to which she responded.

"To watch the sunset with you."

"I told her I'm not watching the sunset, I'm just admiring the sky, the sun going down was irrelevant to my enjoyment."

And "I know." Was her response. "But you're always alone so now I'm admiring the sky with you. While you're watching the sunset with me."

Her words were cute if not a little annoying. I didn't care that I was alone in fact it was the way I liked it. I'd never had many friends so doing things alone was basically my default setting. I found out her name was Demi that day and we were around the same age. I wondered about her love of sunsets but I never gave her the satisfaction of questioning her. 

After learning her name, Demi had decided that that meant we were friends. Suddenly, she felt like we could talk more and began listing off things about her life almost every time we met. I was more of a silent type so I just let her talk. When she took an interest in my life I was almost ashamed to tell her. I felt like my life wasn't worth sharing but I told her anyway. It wasn't that I had anything to hide anyway, I just wasn't all that exciting nor did I desire a life more exciting.

We did eventually become what I would consider friends if not more than that but unlike most stories or films, my life didn't suddenly change for the better. Having someone new in my life didn't magically make my entire life worth living. She just became a part of the increasing black hole that was my existence. There were days where things were 'good' and she was the perfect distraction from the things eating me from the inside out. While other days, Demi felt like she was deliberately pushing me over the edge. It was okay for a while until I guess things just became too much. The last time I saw her was on a date if you can even call it that. We just went to the park like we always do only this time the sun had already set and we were looking at the stars. A little basket of food was brought along too. Demi told me she through the stars were beautiful and held a beauty almost unbeatable in comparison to anything else. I was waiting for a cheesy line about how I was more the only thing more beautiful but that never came, thankfully. She talked about her week. She talked about her day. Talked of the sky. And finally of us. Of her plans. That's when I stopped her and tore my attention away from the view above. I didn't have plans, I took everything one day at a time and her bringing up hers had set off something inside me. I confessed to her the real reason I loved the sky. Not just because it was pretty but because I envied it. I hadn't told her because I wasn't sure how she'd react. I wondered if she could work out the meaning behind my words but eventually, I just told her that existence had always felt more like a chore to me. What I got in response felt like pity and in response I fought back. Every word of concern met with vicious ones.

Now I look at the sky alone again. You could blame me for pushing her away but it didn't matter because I didn't value my life or the things in it anyway. I hate to admit it but I can't deny Demi's impact. Existing became more bearable for the moments we were together but it never made my wish come true or have me wish for something else. I was still that girl with a head full of dark thoughts. I'd always be the girl who envied the sky for existing without really existing.

The last thing she said to me were words I couldn't forget and just added to the thoughts in my head. I often found myself thinking of Demi without realising. I even took a few chances to admire the sunset instead of just the blue canvas above. But it instead of feeling the small sense of joy, I was met with a familiar but unwelcomed pit in my stomach. Even the occasional tear as those very words haunted me.

"I love you, Y/N."

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Well, hello there. I know I haven't been updating a lot and this is a very weird imagine to come back with but I just feel really shitty as of right now so this is what came out of it. It may not make total sense to you and that's fine, it doesn't have to and it's probably a good thing it doesn't. If it does... I'm sorry. 

On that note, I'm working on Say Something pt.3at the moment BUT I would love it if you guys had any ideas for imagines that you'd like to see?? I will write anything if the idea works so please just message me and we can talk about it because I have like zero ideas.

Comments and votes are appreciated!!