Imagine that with Demi Lovato (Lesbian Stories)

Him or Her? - pt 2

I started at her blankly before my cheeks flushed pink and I pursed my lips. She didn't kiss back which both confused me and disappointed. It was then it hit me that she couldn't kiss me back because it meant giving in to me. Giving into something I'm not even sure I wanted. I have a boyfriend. I looked to the street and saw just a few paparazzi. Returning to her feet, Y/N suggested I should leave. And I had no reason to argue. I debated leaving batman or not but eventually deciding to bring him. I went back to the car. Through a tinted window I stared at her and I could tell she was sad. Maybe I should have left the dog but it didn't seem right, I'd end up having to get him at a later date. As we drove away I watched her walk back into her house. Head hung low. To say that my heart sank would be an understatement. Days passed. Weeks passed. And I couldn't get her off my mind, I hadn't broken up with her yet. I couldn't bring myself to do it. He kept asking when was it gonna happen. How was I gonna do it. But every question was met with a shrug. How was I gonna break up with someone who has such a strong presence in my life. In my heart. It's not something I took lightly. Everything continued as normal but with added pressure of course. I saw her occasionally to keep the illusion alive but we never really hung out any more. Just us. I would have liked to but it just seemed wrong for some reason. As time went on I knew he was getting sick of this. Sick of waiting for me to end it but I just couldn't do it. We weren't even together but the world didn't know that and I guess if it's still out there, it's not over. I wasn't ready for it to all be over yet. Late one evening I fell down next to him. My legs tangled in sheets. The only sound our breathing. He looked at me, his cheeks flushed. In between breathes he gave me an ultimatum. It was now or never. I text Y/N saying we needed to talk and set the meeting. This was it and I wasn't gonna back down. I loved him.

Another hot day, another meeting. I walked in with batman by my side only to be greeted by my team. And her. She sat chatting with Phil. I watched batman instantly run to her as I released him from his lead. Her face lit up to match my puppies excitement. You could tell she really loved that dog. Glancing over to me she flashed me a quick smile before returning to the dog who was now sat on her lap. It took the entire meeting for me to realize this was going to happen whether I liked it or not. She'd fulfilled her purpose so it was time to move on. Even if I didn't want to. Not that anybody knew that. I held my head low texting him to confirm today was the day we'd tell the world until a shadow appeared over me. Y/N held Batman in her arms, placing him gently on my lap before smiling. Despite it though I could see she was sad. That she knew this was the end then again maybe she was just gonna miss my little bundle of joy. She didn't say much before leaving. Not even goodbye. Turning, my team were already working on everything while my mind focused on the girl now exiting my life. I reattached the lead to the yorkiepoo's collar. I needed to leave and think. If I wasn't in love with her then why did this all hurt so much? 

I walked casually through the streets of LA. The buzz of the paparazzi following. Asking questions. Generally invading my privacy. When my phone buzzed. It was him thanking me. At first I frowned then I sighed,  guess the world finally knew. Y/N and I were no more. I was, in there eyes, back with him. An on slaughter of hate invaded my social networks.  There were the odd few who were happy but the rest were vicious. They acted like they knew the whole story instead of just hearing that I broke up with the girl. And from that day we practically went our separate ways. Limited contact. Business as usual. But every time I'd see her post a new picture on Instagram, I missed her. I missed her so much I became distant from my own relationship. It was strange as I was still sure that I loved this guy. That he was my person. But at the same time I wanted her. I wanted to listen to her stupid stories again. Listen to her gentle laugh. Hold her in my arms and just never let her go. I just wanted her in my life. The same way he was in my life but I knew that I couldn't have both. But god did I want both. Why was I still wanting a girl who was no longer in my life. We promised to still be friends at least that's what my team told everyone. I wanted to stay true to that, at least, but whenever I arranged something she'd back out. This girl was apparently always busy now. After a while I took the hint and began focusing on the relationships I already had. My relationship with him was in needs of improvement but something had changed between us. A shift from what we once were which left me feeling more alone than ever. I pushed on. I focused on myself and my mental wellbeing but as I lay beside him at night my mind often wondered about what would have happened if I had chosen Y/N.

In my line of work having time off is rare but beautiful. And on this particular day I was out for a stroll with Batman. No security, no business and oddly enough no paps either. Though the more I walked the more familiar everything became until I stood by the gate of a familiar house. My stomach dropped as I dared to go knock. It was time to prove that I could just be friends with this girl because that was what I wanted. At least to have someone in my life who I felt I could talk to because he no longer seemed to be interested. As her face swam into view all my feelings came flooding back. I smiled brightly and she returned it. There was clearly no hard feelings between us. I was glad to see that. I would have been glad either way. I missed having her in my life more than I imagined. She invited me inside but I was reluctant. Was this okay? Was I doing the right thing or would this turn out to be a mistake. I let Batman off his leash and he ran inside before I cautiously entered. We sat in her living room and she spoke to me like I was any other person. Not like I was the girl who used her. Or broke her heart. Just another normal person. As she went off to make tea, I surveyed the room and my eyes met a photograph. Narrowing in, I stood and made my way over. Only to be shocked by what I saw. Why would she keep this photo? Was it not just a horrible reminder of everything. Her voice drifted to my ears and I turned sharply. Unsure of what to say I awkwardly smiled. Y/N laughed as she realized what I was investigating. I asked her why she kept that picture in particular and she told me it was special. It was the moment that felt the most real. The moment she knew her life would change. Then she stopped, her head dropping. Told me it was silly and she'd get rid of it eventually. My grip tightened around the frame. I wanted to tell her it wasn't silly and that I knew exactly what she meant but the words remained frozen in my throats. All I could do was look at the picture. The memory of the day coming back to me. Everything did change after that day in a variety of ways. Some good and some bad. Putting the picture back I returned to my seat. The mood now more solem then before but who was to blame but myself. I couldn't help but keep looking back to the picture. The caption fresh in my mind. "My love 😍🔥" Calling my dog, I said goodbye to Y/N. Taking one last look I walked away and knew exactly what I needed to do. Going home I sat down with him. I explain how much I liked Y/N. I told him we were drifting apart but I still cared. He asked me the obvious question. Did I love her? I nodded before adding that I loved him too but not the way I used to. I ended it there and then and it felt nice. Sad but nice. And that night as I lay alone, I text Y/N and asked  her to meet up tomorrow. So as I walked into Starbucks with a fresh smile on my face and a strong craving for some coffee. I ordered and went over. Y/N was lost in her phone. Her Y/E/C eyes met mine and all I did was sigh as I slid a cup of coffee over to her. Taking a deep breath I let my words into the world. I told her I love her. That despite everything I loved her so much. I fell for her despite the lies. And on that night, when she told me her true feeling I was dying to say them back. But I didn't because of everything. Because I loved him...and I still loved him. But I also loved myself. And for that reason we couldn't be together either. With that said, I said goodbye and walked away.

I was confused. Did I love him or her?
The answer was I loved them both which was why I couldn't be with either of them. It wasn't fair to them.

And in all honesty, I'd rather them be happy even if it meant without me.