Circus of Hell (Oliver x Fukase)

Breakdown

Back in his room, the only thing echoing through Oliver's ears was his own shaky breath. It was so thin he was afraid the oppressing silence surrounding him could shatter the bit of energy he had left into pieces. Only reluctantly, he let his fingers strive across the pulsating areas on his chest, his eyes fixed on the wall to focus on every little sensation. It felt weird. There were no bruises but only these tingles, as if Fukase had pushed him only a few second ago - with the exception that this has actually been hours ago now. Oliver couldn't get the scenario out of his head. Again and again the same few seconds replayed, sending shivers down his spine. All of this still felt so surreal, as if it was just his imagination.

Oliver looked down carefully and stared at his hands. His skin has become awfully pale and a thin layer of sweat covered his palms. It was scary. Why did he feel like he was about to pass out any second? The blond didn't dare to make a move, too scared he'd lose consciousness again. Too scared he'd be left alone with his thoughts in his subconsciousness.

He didn't want to think about it. All of this just couldn't be true. This was only a terrible illusion made up merely in his head. Oliver chuckled. That's probably it. He was just imagining things and his mind wanted to persuade him to believe it. The blond chuckled a little more. His mind couldn't trick him. He knew Fukase well enough to know how the redhead would react to seeing his friend again. This wasn't Fukase. Not the caring, clumsy but pure Fukase. He wouldn't dare to touch Oliver like that, he would never talk to Oliver like that. This was all a dream Oliver simply had his trouble getting out of. Nothing more. Oliver nodded heavily in agreement and looked around in his room. Nervousness built up inside of him and his eyes wavered across the walls wildly. His grip on his shirt became tougher and Oliver panted terrified.

"But why does this feel so real?" Oliver screamed across his room and fell forward on his knees. He couldn't lift his head up and stared down on his bruised knees in fear. Fukase couldn't be a circus monster. Fukase couldn't be that harsh to Oliver. That simply couldn't be Fukase. But why did his body fight so much against that very assumption? Why did all of this feel so real?

Oliver whimpered and tried to hold back tears. It was scary. The thought of having Fukase go through the same torment. He couldn't handle it. Not when he knew it was all his fault.

It was only for a second that a memory of both of them trying to escape invaded his mind. Oliver flinched. Both of them looked so peaceful and happy, compared to now. That was real. That was Fukase. Not the guy who looked like he had to go through so much within a few weeks already. Oliver coughed as his chest felt like tensing up, wrenching his heart painfully. He couldn't handle that. This weigh on him was about to suffocate him and all the blond could do was somehow gasping for air while trying to not hyperventilate. However, the longer he beared with that the more his sight became blurry and Oliver's body felt light. He let go of his loosely body and sunk back. His breathing continued to quicken.

With a loud scream, Oliver tried to get back to his senses. He didn't care his lungs burnt from screaming so much. He had to come back to reality. Tears now streamed down his face as his heart seemed to twist inside of him. The thoughts, these feeling he couldn't figure out were all too much. They were about to overwhelm him and all he could do was hopelessly plead for it to stop. They didn't stop, whatsoever. It kept on torturing him.

Oliver gasped in pain and clumpsily crawled to the wall to get some support. He couldn't sort his thoughts anymore, his mind making him feel like he was about to go crazy any second. Ruffling his hair, he flinched and leaned down to his knees once more, hoping to ease the pain inside of him by transferring it to somewhere else. He needed to distract his mind somehow. These thoughts were captivating him too much.

This was not real, was it? All of this was only his imagination. This was not Fukase. These were not his words, not his movements. Oliver sobbed. This wasn't him. It was not him. There was no way. Once more, Oliver scratched over his skull, trying to find somewhere to hold onto. This was a lie. Merely a trick of his imagination. Nothing to pay attention to. Oliver sighed and let himself fall to the side. His hands slowly lost grip of his head. All of a sudden his energy vanished and left him shiver. His sight got blurry once again. It was not Fukase. It was not him. It was not him. It was not him.