move on ⁀➷ h.hj ✓

43

hyunjin pov.

I got home from the milkshake shop I went to with Y/N, greeted by my brother in the living room playing video games. I take off my backpack and throw it onto the floor, jumping onto the couch. I groaned, leaning back into the couch.

"What's wrong, bro?" Minhyun asked me, his eyes glued onto the TV screen.

"I really want to tell Y/N how I feel... but what I did to her is holding me back. I'm afraid she won't take me back if I tell her. Hell, I don't even think she likes me like that." I vent.

Minhyun put the controller down and paused the game, turning his body and facing me. He looked at me with a glint of sympathy and guilt, as I looked away and stared at the ceiling to avoid his gaze towards me.

"Do you want her to move on and be happy again?" He asked me.

"Yes.. but with me. But at the same time, it'll take a long time to gain her trust again if I tell her." I mutter.

"Are you ever going to tell her what you did?"

"Yes. I tried, like a week ago. But I couldn't find myself to say it." I sigh contentedly.

"Telling the truth may not turn out well, but it will be beneficial. She'll appreciate that you told her honestly what happened, although you spent all that time not saying anything to her. When you do tell her, if she gets upset, let her have some time to think. Y/N has a kind heart, she's going to be hurt for sure. I know you regret what you did and as your older brother, I know you're not a bad boyfriend, or guy in general. I know you love her a lot and you made a mistake you should've never made in the first place."

"But tell me, Hyunjin. Why did you cheat? What was the real reason behind it?" He asked.

"Because.. I felt hurt and insecure. I felt hurt that she was closer with some other guy than her own boyfriend. I felt hurt that she showed more love to her bestfriend than to her boyfriend, I was afraid that she'd eventually leave me and replace me with him. I wanted her to feel hurt too.. make her finally realize and know how I felt. So I left her and replaced her with Yujin. It was dumb, I should've trusted her. Why didn't I? Because I'm a jerk and a coward. I wanted her all to myself, because I was insecure. I should've listened to her when she told me that he was just a friend and that she loved only me.. but I decided not to listen. I distrusted her, and she had every right to be upset at me, but instead, she tried to work things out with me for the sake of our relationship, she dealt with me even though I was being a little kid and acted difficult."

"I should've tried to work things out too.. but like I said.. I wanted her to know how I felt when I saw her with someone else. I didn't even try. I gave up. I took her for granted, and I shouldn't have. Looking back.. it kills me to realize that she was the only one who was really trying in the relationship. I should've put effort into it too instead of going out and cheating on her behind her back. If I had tried to work things out... none of this would've never happened."

My heart was already breaking at this point.

"I regret everything. I regret breaking up with her.. I regret lying and saying that I didn't have a girlfriend even though I had Y/N the whole time. I regret agreeing to date Yujin. I regret acting like a jerk and a little child who didn't know how to treat his own girlfriend correctly." I breathed out, my voice shaky.

"I love her so much.. it's killing me."