BTS ONESHOTS❤

SUFFOCATING

Love. A term that makes you think of it in so many ways. Affection, luck, your whole world, cruel, unfair, harsh. These are just some ways to describe it. Yet I thought of it as something else.

Suffocating.

Your existence had been the only thing I'd been thinking of for weeks. I tried to get over it, to move on. But my love for you was too suffocating to ever forget.

You were already with someone else, happy and content. Every time I saw you with him, I clenched my fists and willed myself not to get mad. After all, I already had a chance.

And I failed.

It was at a cafe. I sat down, trying to get my work done. It was final exams, and I had to pass them to get out of college. I ransacked through the countless number of papers, trying and trying to get work done. But I couldn't stop staring at you.

When you walked into the cafe, I saw a happy glow on your face. I've never seen anyone this happy. I tried to get myself to look down and study, but I couldn't tear my eyes off you. Till this day, I still remember what you ordered.

“An iced americano for Hoseok, please.” You called out. It wasn't only me that was infected by your happy virus. The barista looked entranced, and he, Hoseok, he said his name was, had to snap him out of it.

Hoseok, huh? I tried rolling it off my tongue. It felt right, more right than any name. I was captivated by this man. Was this love at first sight?

When I saw him walking over to me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. A feeling of euphoria swept over me and I could do nothing but stare at his beautiful profile.

“Hey, hey! Can I sit here?” You asked me, snapping your fingers to get my attention. I snapped out of my daze and shyly nodded yes. For the infinite time today, I tried to look down at my notes, but you were like a bright ray of the sun.

“Hey, what's your name? I'm Hoseok.” He turned to me with a bright smile on his face.

“Yoon Gi,” I could barely hear my own voice as I told him my name. I was so shy at that time.

“Yoon Gi, huh? Nice to meet you!” He rolled my name off his tongue. It was the most pleasant sound I've ever heard. He stuck out his hand for a handshake.

I shook his hand shyly and mentally chided myself. After all, I was supposed to be studying, not chatting.

This continued on for an hour before I had to leave. I stood up and told Hoseok I had to leave. The answer he gave me surprised me.

“Wait for me, let me walk with you!”

I was taken aback, after all, he did sit through an hour with me just sipping his iced americano. I was surprised enough that he didn't leave, but he also wanted to walk with me?

I replied with a hushed, “Sure.”

During the walk back to my dorm, I discovered many things about him. The color green was his favorite color. I found out he goes to another college half an hour away from here. He exclaimed excitedly that we could meet up every week at that cafe.

Being the mute I was, I just nodded yes with a slight smile on my face. He was truly an infectious happy virus, the way he could talk hours about everything.

And from that, everything began. We talked more frequently, we met up at that cafe almost every day, we exchanged phone numbers, we talked about everything.

And I could feel myself warming up to you. I let down my guard around you. I genuinely enjoyed your company. Nothing mattered when you were around. I felt myself falling for you. And I always tried to compress these growing feelings for you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I suffered. For you. For our friendship.

Then, my opportunity rolled around. It was Valentine's day, and we were allowed to bring any date to the Valentine's dance. And I knew instantly, that I would ask you. It was my chance.

So I waited at the cafe patiently. I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I wanted to ask you to the dance as soon as possible. So I waited. And sure enough, you were there. But, something was different. You had someone else with you. A male. You were holding his hand, chatting happily with him. I could see your eyes light up when you were with him. And I recognized that expression.

Love. You were in love with him. I realized that. I couldn't bear to see someone else making you happy. It was too much, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I plastered on a fake smile and asked who was the lovely man you had brought.

“Oh, this is Jimin, my boyfriend.”

Once I heard that word, my whole world crashed down. It was official then. You found someone else. You never saw me more as a friend. But again, I didn't want to destroy our friendship, so I pretended to be happy for them, even though I was close to breaking down in tears.

I felt sick with every flirty move you made on each other. I could feel tears brimming in my eyes. But I didn't want them to suspect anything, so I politely told them I had an emergency, and I left.

I went straight back to my dorm, and a foolish part of me hoped that you would chase after me, saying this was a mistake. But I was stupid to trust that part of me. He never came. But I couldn't blame him.

Needless to say, I never showed up at the Valentine's dance.