I Wont Lose My Fallen Angel ( BVB Fan Fic )

Chapter 15

ANDY’S POV

            “Come on just one more!” Jinxx shouted, as we all began to chant Jake’s name. We all let out a cheer, as Jake took another shot. Seeing as how I too was drunk off my ass, I’d lost count of how many he’d taken a while ago. All I knew was that in the morning, we’d all have killer hangovers. Well, all of us except for Heather, who hardly drank at all. After her first shot, she complained that it burned her throat too much and something about it hurting her more, because of her illness. Long story short, she just had a beer and watched us all get drunk. From what I could see, through my drunken haze, she was having a good time. I’d lost track of C.C. and Gretchen a while ago, but the last time I saw them, C.C. was trying to convince Gretchen that if she put a beer bottle under her pillow, a beer fairy would come and grant her three wishes. Is it bad that I wanted to try that? God I’m drunk. I laughed at myself.

            Ashley pointed his bottle at me and with a drunken slur shouted, “What’s so funny mister!?” I laughed to myself again and shook my head.

            “Nothing. Nothing.” I laughed. Heather was cracking up at Ashley, because at that point I’m not even sure if he was speaking English anymore.

I got to bed at about three a.m., but as always I wasn’t tired. No mater how drunk I was, I couldn’t get Heather off of my mind.  “She’s going to be fine.” I tried convincing myself. I wanted to believe it, I really did, but I just couldn’t. I sat up in my bed and turned on the TV, in hope of distracting my already drunk mind. I flipped through the channels at least 100 times, but nothing seemed any good. Eventually, I settled for a show that was either a comedy about some family or a drama about some girl. Either way, I had no idea what the fuck was going on. A half hour later, when the show was over, I had to admit to myself that I probably just spent a half hour staring at a TV and not even watching the show. Seriously what the fuck did I just watch? I shrugged my shoulders and continued to watch whatever was going to come on next, and again I had no idea what show it was.

“Umm… Andy?” I heard a quiet voice ask.

I turned my head to the door and found Heather leaning against the doorframe. She looked nervous, but I couldn’t really see straight, so I couldn’t be sure. “Yeah?” I asked calmly.

She walked into my room, but kept a distance from me. “I need to tell you something.” I nodded, letting her know to continue. She took a deep breath and looked sadly into my eyes. That time I could tell that she was nervous, drunk or not. “I can’t stay with you guys. You have to go back without me and continue touring.”

My eyes widened and I stood up abruptly, walking straight towards her. “What the hell did Ashley do?” I asked, grabbing her shoulders. I swear if that guy did something to hurt her, I’m going to kill him!

She looked down and removed my hands, with a pained look on her face. “No, Ashley didn’t do anything Andy.” A confused look grew on my face, so she continued explaining. “I’m no good for you guys. I make you all worry and I ruin your plans. Once fans find out that I’m the reason that you guys cancelled signings, they’re going to be pissed.” I put my hand sympathetically on her shoulder.

“The army would never be mad at you for something like this. They’ll understand. Besides, if they don’t understand that we need to be here for you, then they aren’t true army members.” I smiled softy, but Heather still looked worried.

She cringed and once again, removed my hand from her shoulder. She crossed her arms and without looking at me, shook her head. I hated that she couldn’t even look at me. I hated that I let us get this distant, where she couldn’t even look me in the eyes to tell me something that worried her. We used to tell each other everything no mater how hard it was to say. “It’s not just the fans Andy. And you don’t have to be here for me. I’m alright on my own and you’re better off without me…”

“Heather, how can you even say that? We-“

“Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I’m blind!? I can see the way you guys look at me. I can see how much it hurts you to see me, in my current condition. I hate to think that I’m hurting you! I hate that I’m causing the only people I care about pain! I love you Andy and I love Ashley with all of my heart, but if me being here is going to cause you pain… I can’t take it!” She shouted, with tears welling in her eyes.

I felt a pain in my chest as I tried to comfort her the best I could. “Heather, we’re alright. You don’t bring us pain and we love seeing you.” I tried to bring her into a hug but she slapped my arms away.

“Don’t touch me!” She cried. “You don’t think I see the scars on your arm!? You don’t think I know I caused them!? Deny it all you want, but I’m hurting you! I’m a worthless virus that just hurts people wherever I got. I deserve to go back to the hospital and you deserve to go back to you’re life where you were strong enough not to cut!” She began to sob and back away from me.

Ashamed with myself, I crossed my arms, trying to hide my arm. Despite the fact that I was wearing long sleeves, I could still tell the scars were there. “Heather I… It wasn’t your fault…” I mumbled. My head began to spin, so I sat down on the edge of my bed with my arms still crossed.

“Don’t lie to me Andy…”

“I’m not.” I promised. I stood up and once again walked over to Heather. Despite her refusal, I wrapped my arms around her. I could see her cringe, as my scared arm brushed her back, but I wouldn’t let go. I kissed the top of her head, as a tear rolled down my cheek. “We’re no leaving you Heather.” I told her. “We would never leave someone we love like this.” Weakly, she raised her arms and wrapped them around me. “In fact, we’re leaving tomorrow and you’re coming home with us.” I smiled. I realized after I said it, how difficult that would be. Not only would we have to find a hospital for her medicine, but also I wasn’t even sure if she could handle an airplane. However, in my worried, drunken state I didn’t care much about that.

With a glint of happiness in her eyes, Heather looked up at me. But she quickly shook her head and looked back down. “I don’t want to cause you or any of the guys pain.” She whispered, trying her best to hold in tears. She looked over at my arm and rolled up my sleeve, revealing fading scars. “I still can’t believe I made you do this.” Her voice cracked, as she forced out the words.

I stole my arm away and looked seriously into her tired, red eyes. “No. Heather I swear to god, you didn’t do this. I did it. I was stupid. I made the mistake. I should be the one to feel the guilt, not you!” I tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault, but I could tell that I wasn’t getting through to her. I took a defeated sigh and whipped a tear from her cheek. As my hand brushed her face, she placed hers over it and leaned her head into my hand.

She closed her eyes and let out a weak whimper. “Please promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself on purpose again.” She whispered. I didn’t reply and I could tell it worried her. She looked back up at me, still keeping my hand on her face. “Andy?” She asked shakily. He voice quivered, making me even more ashamed for worrying her the way I did.

I forced a smile onto my face and looked softly into her eyes. “I promise. Cross my heart, hope to die I will never do something like that again.” I promised kindly. I hoped that my words had eased her worry, but it was hard to tell. “And I’m not leaving without you.” She nodded and removed my hand.

A sweet smile flashed across her face, but was soon replaced by a quiet yawn. “Okay Andy.” She smiled at me once more and left my room.

I stood alone in my room rethinking what just happened. When did Heather see my scars? How could I have been so careless, as to let her see? I don’t even remember taking off my jacket yesterday and I was in long sleeves today. Suddenly I remembered something from earlier. After about my fifth shot, I bet Ashley that I could lick my belly button… I have no fucking idea why I would do that, but I’m pretty sure I ended up falling on my face. I took off my shirt to do that, so that must have been when Heather saw it. I was such an idiot! I should never have done something so stupid. By that I mean the taking off my shirt; I do not regret trying to lick my belly button. Why did Heather talk to me sooner? How could I be so stupid!? I should never have gotten drunk in the first place!

I fell back onto my bed, with a sick feeling in my gut. I covered my face in my hands and tried to focus, but I couldn’t. For the first time, I was thankful for the alcohol, because I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t so wasted I never would have fallen asleep.