We are still Beating

Ch. 18

TRIS:

It was a very relaxing day with everyone which I enjoyed but eventually everyone started to leave for their own reasons. Caleb was the last one here. Tobias came back after walking the group to the door and sat down by my side, taking my hand in his. I leaned my shoulder against his and sat and looked at Caleb.

"I can leave if you two want," says Tobias.

"It's alright Four, you can stay," Caleb says. I just squeeze his hand to answer his question and he stays put.

"Tris?" Caleb asks me.

"Yah?" I answer.

"Why? Why didn't you let me go?" Caleb asks, his voice shaking.

"Because, Caleb," I start. "Because I love you. I couldn't watch you die just because you felt guilty! Even though you went against me, and I was furious about that, you are my brother. I could never not love you," I say. Now my voice is shaking. Tobias presses his hand to my back, in between my shoulder blades. Tears stream down Caleb's face.

"Beatrice, I'm so sorry. For everything. I love you. I love you so much. I promise I'll be here to support you from now on. Always," he replies and just as the words escape his mouth, I pull him into a hug. He hugs me back and it is the best moment we've shared together. We pull away and stand up. Tobias stands to. Caleb goes over to Tobias and stands in front of him. They look straight into each others eyes.

"Thank you Four," Caleb says. "For taking care of her. You're really good to her and I know you always will be." They pull each other into some sort of embrace and pat each others' backs. Caleb whispers something in Tobias' ear and he just nods. They break apart and Tobias and I walk him to the door.

"You're sure you don't want to spend the night here?" I ask.

"No it's okay. I want to find Susan anyways," Caleb replies. We say goodbye one more time and then he leaves. Two strong arms wrap around my waist.

"Now it's just you and me," he whispers into my ear. I laugh and lean into Tobias. He kisses up my neck to my jaw and then I spin around and press my lips to his. He cradles my face in his hands and I run my fingers down his back visualizing his tattoos. We break apart and go up the stairs hand in hand to the bedroom. Once we are there we both get ready for bed considering how late it is. All I do is take off my pants, considering that the shirt is practically a dress on me. Tobias comes out of the bathroom with just a pair of shorts on. We both crawl into bed. I lay down with my cheek up against his bare chest over his heart and my leg draped over him. Tobias just strokes my hair and holds my knee on him.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I love you more," he says back. I lay and listen to the constant beat of his heart.

I have been laying in bed for what seems like hours, not being able to sleep. The events of the last couple weeks and months flood my mind and keep me awake. Some of the memories I enjoy, like when I jumped. Meeting Tobias. Kissing him by the Chasm. That moment when I was ranked first, and the date Tobias and I went on. The most recent was the night before releasing the memory serum when we were able to just enjoy each other's presence. But most of the memories keep me up because they are horrifying and depressing. Seeing my mother and father die. Killing Will- which is probably one of the worst of them. Almost loosing Tobias to the serum. Seeing Marlene, Lynn, Tori, and Fernando die along with so many others. Being held at Erudite. Caleb leaving me. And so many more of fights and war and sadness that I can't bear to dwell on. But one that I can't skip over no matter how hard I try is that day under the terror serum. Seeing Tobias kill himself. For me. Silent tears fall down my cheeks. All those times worrying about Tobias and if we would see each other again. More tears.