We are still Beating

Ch. 10

TRIS:

I smell fresh air and sweat and mint. I feel something resting on my head. Something rubs my hand. My side, back, and arm, feel like they are on fire. My eyes feel heavy. Someone's heartbeat pounds in my ears- but I don't think it's my own. I sit on someone's ankle and leg, just like in Tobias's fear landscape. Tobias. The smell. The heartbeat. My hand. Sniffles. Not Tobias, too weak. A girl. Christina. It comes back to me. The Weapons Lab. The gunshots.

Tobias. His blue eyes tearing up at the sight of me. Am I really alive? I hear whispers.

"She's stirring." A deep voice. Tobias.

"Let's try to wake her- like you would if she was just sleeping," a shaky, lighter voice but still strong. Christina. "Tris! We gotta go! We have training!"

A deep laugh vibrates through me. "Is that how you'd wake her up during initiation?" Tobias.

"Yah, why?"

"Way to get her up gently," he mutters.

"Well, why start a day gentle if its not going to be gentle?" Christina says matter-of-factly.

"Point-taken. But let me try," Tobias says.

I feel him plant a kiss on my forehead and say, "hey, Good Morning Tris." His hand brushes my uninjured side, trying to coax me into waking up.

My voice comes scratchy but I say,

"Shh maybe if you don't acknowledge it, it'll go away." just as I did this morning- or maybe yesterday morning? I've lost track of time. I smile. I open my eyes to see Christina with her eyes wide and mouth open, and Tobias turning his head around me to look at me; to make sure I'm really here.

"See?" He says gently.

"Point taken," says Christina. "Oh my God, Tris!" She wraps her arms gently around me, obviously holding back not to hurt me. She's shaking against me and I see tears run down her face.

"Hey, its ok, we're ok," I whisper in ear. "I wasn't kidding when I said you wouldn't loose me. I'm not exactly a fan when it comes to giving in." She laughs in my ear, still shaky from crying. When she pulls away, I turn slightly and look up to find Tobias, cheeks blotchy and eyes tearing.

"Hey," is all I manage to whisper before he fits his mouth to mine. He pushes hard and I push back, both of us desperate for the other. I feel tears fall against my cheek, but I'm not entirely sure they are just mine. His hand trembles, as it holds on to the back of my head, holding me in place. My hands, shaking from how intense the kiss is, find the hem of his shirt and slip under it. Up his spine, running over his tattoos, once again feeling his shoulder blades and how his body retracts and expands under me. He is strong. He is mine. I feel his other hand, unsure of itself, not sure where it will hurt me; when to press and when to pull back. I move my hand and find his, guiding him to my left side, at my hip. He laughs against my mouth and pulls me into him harder and harder until the space between us is gone. The pressure of his lips have long since pushed mine apart. I run my hand through his short hair. I am his. He is mine. We are one. It's just Us.

I pull back and look at him. His face is covered in tears. I pull my hand from behind him and wipe his face.

"Hey," I start, already choking on my words, "you know I love you too much to leave you." Tears flood both our eyes and he pulls me into his arms. He shakes so hard I'm scared he's about to pass out or something.

"I love you Tris, and I'm never leaving you like that again. Never," his words are shaky from tears but sure and strong. When he says it I realize: I never want him to leave.