Summer, 1983 (I'll call you by mine)

To Forgive?

"Yes, I think I would really like to hear this too." Chris added.

"I left because I didn't want to live that life anymore. The drinking, and the yelling and feeling like I was stuck. I knew your dad would take care of you better than I could. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was because I love the both of you. I just couldn't hide behind the mask anymore. I knew your dad loved me at some point but I also knew that that love was there only because of you two. When I found the letters and the book I knew that I was going to have to put on a mask and live behind that. Every trip he made I always had a dread that he was going to see him and that your dad would never come back. I couldn't live in that fear anymore. After I told him to leave I realized that I wasted both of our lives. If I'm honest with myself I was only happy those first 4 years, then I found the letters. I hid the drinking and the depression for as long as I could. I blamed your father and Elio all those years. I've learned to understand why your dad tried to live the life he did, times were different and your grandfather would have disowned him and tried to have him committed. It took me a long time to see that. But feeling like the victim suited me more, it made me feel better until it didn't anymore. I told a lot of lies to try and make myself feel better. But when I met my husband and I told him that my ex-husband left me for someone else. He made me feel like I was worthy."

"But you denied our existence, which hurts us more than anything else you've done." Jona spoke low.

"I know but I never stopped thinking of you. I actually got to the school doors when you graduated but I couldn't make myself go in. Shame is a terrible feeling, but I knew I didn't deserve to see you, two graduate. I didn't see you two do a lot."

"You were there most of our lives the last 13 years doesn't erase the first 16 years. We know a lot but god damn it mom you showed no sympathy for me because I look just like dad. I used to go to his house every night and sneak it just so I wouldn't have to go through the hell I went through with you." Chris growled out.

"And me I was so fucking smothered, you didn't let me do anything. You treated us both so differently after you kicked dad out it made me sick. I hated it. If you wouldn't have run off that summer Chris and I were going to go live with dad. You made it sound like because we were apart of him you couldn't stand to look at us like you wanted to forget your life. But I guess you did. What the hell does your new husband think? Oh, and I guess it's nice to know we have a sister too."

"He knows, he wouldn't stop hounding me about my run-in with Christopher until I told him. He was very angry, he's a minister so lying to him about things like having children it's always pleasing to him."

"Well, there goes meeting him out the window for me. I'm pretty sure he thinks the same about my way of life the same as you do." Chris scoffed.

"I don't agree with it."

"Oh well, that's good to know. The fact that Chris and I both have people who love us is what we hold onto. We learned from Dad and Elio's relationship, they taught us that when you find someone who you can share every secret, every thought and when you can't tell where they begin and you end. They are the person you are meant to be with. It doesn't matter what gender the other person is if a man made me feel about him the way Lea makes me feel. I would be with a man, but Lea is who I fell in love with. Same goes for Chris, I fought for Chris to be with David. If it wasn't for me sending a package from B, they would still be apart. So you either accept both of our life choices or you can just honestly go to hell."

"I didn't come here to fight Jona. I came here to be apart of your lives again. I want to meet my grandchildren and your partners." She pleaded.

"One talk isn't going to change our feelings overnight. Jona leaves to go back home at the end of the week and I go back to Connecticut tonight. Besides I'm only here till Christmas and after that, I have no reason to come back."

"I want to make things right even if it takes ten years I want to make it right."

"Honestly mom it may take that long." Jona got up from the table. "You ready to go, Chris?"

Chris looked up at his younger brother, then at his mother. She had begun to cry.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go." Chris tossed her a card it landed in front of her drink. "If you want to contact either of us, there is our numbers. If we answer then we will give you our time. But Jona and I need to talk first. Give us a few days."

She picked up the card, as they walked out of the hotel she had run after them.

"I love you." She yelled after them. Neither of them stopped and acknowledge what she had said. They drove back to their dad's house in utter silence. They both had too much on their minds, a lot to process and a decision to consider. Forgive their mother or to forget her.