Only You (J-Hope x Reader)

Fighting

~Hoseok's P.O.V. (Part three)~

~"Smiles"~

As kids around my age past me, I saw a smile on their face. It was like they didn't have a care in the world. They were free and happy. While I, I had to fake smile- a smile that didn't show real happiness. I'll use it on a daily just to fool the people who actually care about me. But the thing was, I didn't know how to genuinely smile. It was complicated in a way, but it's like some people could do it without any effort. Perhaps it was the people they hung out with that supported their smile, or maybe they truly felt a sense of happiness. Would that ever happen to me? I can only smile when I'm with Kim, because she's always there for me. But sometimes I feel like I'm faking it for her as well. Was my smile fake because I was used to faking it? Will I ever have a real smile?

"Hoseok," my mom called my name. "Yes mom?" I faked a smile. My mom stared at me, "Are you okay?" she asked. I gave her a rather confused look, "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" "Lies," I thought, I hated lying to my mom, but it was the only solution. "Are you sure? You've been acting off lately. Your smiles aren't like they used to be," she pointed out. "What does that mean? Am I not smiling the way I used to?" I asked myself. "That's only because I'm happier with my new friends," I lied again. With the, she happily accepts the words that spilled out of my mouth. "Kim is here to work on homework with you," she informed. I nodded, smiling brightly even if I didn't want to, "I don't want to fake my smile anymore. I want a real one."

I stared blankly at the sheet of paper set in front of me. "You okay?" I heard Kim ask, and I immediately turned to look at her. I tried my best to give her a genuine smile, but it felt like I was faking it. "Kim, how do you know if your smile is fake or genuine?" I asked. She stopped writing before sitting there for a moment, thinking. "A fake smile is one you force it, while a genuine smile happens naturally," she explained. I nodded before thinking.

...

As kids past me with a smile, all I did was simply watch as them. Maybe a genuine smile wasn't meant for me, maybe I couldn't be the little sunshine my mom used to call me, or maybe it was locked away. I couldn't help but want to give up on it. I hated the feeling of not being able to genuinely smile. "Smiles, genuine and fake, smiles," I muttered. I hated that I couldn't smile. I wanted to so badly, but everything happening in my life has gone so wrong. What was the point of smiling if nothing is going right? I'm losing friends, losing interest. I constantly feel isolated in my own world. While others prance around me merrily, I'm in a abyss of hatred.

I want to smile no matter how much it hurt. No matter what I needed to go through, I will smile. Smiling is a natural thing, so I need to wait for it to happen. I hope it'll happen soon. I want to smile for real and not fake it. I wan to show everyone I was okay. No matter how hard I needed to try, I wanted to be happy and have a genuine smile. I wanted to be a sunshine again.

~"Lonely" and "Alone"~

With the amount of things I have gone through at this age, I had started to question if I was the only one experiencing this. Was I experiencing this alone? I feel as if I am, constantly having a feeling of loneliness and being alone in this fight. Was I the only one feeling this way? It didn't seem like anyone had it, my family was happy and the kids at my school would constantly smile while having fun. I'm alone in this feeling, aren't I?

"Hoseok?" I heard Kim's voice ask before knocking on my bedroom door again. "Go away!" I shouted, "No! Stop locking yourself in your room! Let me in. Hoseok, it's Summer Break! We need to have fun!" Kim shouted back. "I'm not going to have fun! I want to be alone!" I didn't like the words that had just left my mouth. I didn't want to be alone, but that's the only feeling I have been feeling for a long time, lonely and alone. Even if Kim is my best friend, she wouldn't understand, I'm fighting with war alone. "Please Hoseok; let's have a talk about this!" Kim shouted. I sat there before hesitantly getting up and unlocking my door. Kim was smart; she knew more than I ever could. I envy her and her happy life.

Maybe she wasn't happy...

"What has been happening to you Hoseok? You've been acting strange. You're isolating yourself in this room," Kim gave a concerned face. "Kim," I paused, "Should I really be telling Kim this? She doesn't care does she? She's just trying to be kind because that's who she is. Kim helps everyone at school; I'm just someone she might look down at." "Never mind," I said. Kim gave a confused look, "Please tell me Hoseok, I want to help." "Why? Do you think I'm like the others? You sure treat me like the others, I'm not important to you am I?" with my words, Kim slapped me. "What do you mean Hoseok?! You're my best friend! Of course I care!!! You're crazy, what has gotten into you?! I'm here for you! You're important to me!" Kim shouted, clearly convinced that I wasn't acting like the normal me. I felt as tears formed in my eyes at her words, "Kim... I feel lonely, I feel alone, I feel as if no one understands or cares for me. I'm fighting something alone. I don't know what to do." I felt Kim wrap her arms around me and pulled me to her. "You're not fighting this alone Hoseok, I know you're having a hard time. I'm here by your side fighting along with you, so are your family members. We love you Hoseok, you'll push through, I know you will. And when you do, you'll notice that you're not alone. You'll no longer be lonely," Kim said.

"We'll fight together, no matter how long it takes. I'm here for you, and I will never leave your side. You're important to me, and you deserve to see the end of this war."

That's right; Kim has constantly told me to be patient. I should be patient; I want to see the end of this war that I'm fighting. I'm fighting a war but I'm not alone; I'm with a person who cares. I'm not alone, and I won't be lonely after this chaos dies down. I want to be happy and surrounded with friends, and I'll be patient until that day comes.

I'm so sorry! This may take a long time until Hoseok's past officially ends! I really want to include a lot of information! So this may be up to five parts, hopefully.
Anyways I hoped you enjoyed!
~XutieMiako