26. Blow Away

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All I got to do is to love you,
All I got to be is, be happy,
All it's got to take is some warmth to make it,
Blow Away, Blow Away, Blow Away.


Too soon, daylight invades through my thin bedroom curtains. I feel like I haven't slept at all. I have been lying here, unwilling to miss a moment of just being with George, enjoying the feel of his skin on mine, watching him sleep beside me.

George stirs and turns onto his back, pushing the bedclothes down, uncovering his chest. He looks beautiful when he is asleep. His hair is quite long now, fringe falling into his eyes. It's also rather mussed up at the moment. They've usually all got such well combed mop tops, it looks funny. I want to touch it, but I don't want to wake him.

Am I going to do this? I wonder as I watch him. Can I do this? Leave Ricky for George. And on our wedding day, of all days I could choose. What about the filming for the show? How much money has already been spent on this wedding? They're all counting on me; the producers, the director, the crew... The girls, Maurice, Ricky.

Ricky.

Could I really let them all down? If I leave, if I go with George, that will be the end of The Raindrops. It would be for me, at least. Maurice would fire me, undoubtedly.

I know what I want to do, but... but it's going to cause so much trouble and grief. It's going to be horrible. I can barely believe this is happening. I can't believe George is here, with me, like this. It seems surreal. It seems impossible... 

I reach out to him and trail my fingers lazily across his torso. He flinches, slightly ticklish and laughs softly before opening his eyes.

'Mornin', love,' he says, sleepily, a warm smile on his lips.

'Hi,' I reply.

He moves on to his side, propping himself up on one elbow. 'How are you feeling?'

'Fine.'

It's absurd. We speak like we're meeting at a cafe for a cup of tea, not naked in bed together, contemplating ruining the lives of everyone around me.

He shifts suddenly so that he's above me, leaning over to kiss me. He gives me a soft, lingering kiss. I don't feel like I'm responding to him properly, although he doesn't seem to notice. I'm still surprised by his directness. I'm not used to George being like this with me. I'm not used to anyone being like this.

It was so nice to spend the night next to him again, his arm around me protectively, my head on his chest, listening to his rhythmic breathing as he slept. Ricky isn't one for lying in bed together. As soon as he wakes, he gets up.

I feel a twist of guilt as I think about Ricky. He doesn't deserve this. I picture him waiting for me at the church. He wouldn't be there yet, but he will be soon. What will he think if I don't arrive? He'd be angry, he'd be hurt. Humiliated. If we were a normal couple, it would be bad enough, but we're not. Our entire relationship has been conducted in a very public arena. He proposed to me on national TV. The wedding will be filmed and form part of the first episode of the new season. There will be newspapers and radio stations covering today. If I leave him - literally, at the alter - the carnage wreaked will be monumental.

Last night it felt like George and I could have been the only two people in the world. The morning light reminds me very clearly that we're not.

George smooths his hand around my waist, pulling me into him as he kisses me again, oblivious to the thoughts running through my head.

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