Try your best, you'll find no rest
Drowning in the tears of the world
'Don't, Han, don't cry,' Minnie says softly, leaning across the table to me, trying to take my hand. 'Please?'
'I'm not...' I reply stoically, drawing back, out of her reach, but there are tears threatening, stinging my eyes. I blink and swallow hard, determined.
'Don't cry, because I can't go if you cry and I need to go, Hannah. Can't you see that?'
She's changed, Minnie. I can certainly see that. Outwardly and in.
On the outside, she's changed how she looks. Her hair is shorter, though not short. Cut to shoulder length to separate herself from me, maybe. In the way that Cat and Bet always had the same hairstyle to accentuate their identicalness, Minnie and I had the same style too. She's doing her make up differently as well. I'm so used to seeing her with heavily made up eyes and dark red lipstick that now she's wearing hardly anything, she looks starkly different. Just pale pink lipstick, a hint of blush on her cheeks, natural coloured eyeshadow and no mascara or eyeliner.
But these are just superficial things. I can see something has changed inside of her too, something I am responsible for.
What I always loved about my big sister was how fearless she was. Bad things might happen to her, but nothing ever stopped her from doing what she wanted, nothing ever dented her confidence. It's how we managed to build a singing career in the first place; Minnie's unwavering determination. In her mind, this was what we were going to do. No plan B. No other options. She's lost that. That assuredness, that boldness, that... energy. It's gone.
'New York is too small for you?'
'I just need... a change of scenery. A change of... of life,' she says vaguely.
On the hob, the kettle boils. I shunt my chair back from the table and go to make the tea. It gives me a chance to collect my thoughts and try to understand what she's just told me. I feel the weight of Minnie's eyes on me, watching me, but I don't look at her.
I sniff and swallow, trying to keep control, but these aren't tears of sadness, not entirely anyway. They're also tears of anger and frustration.
Since we came back from Los Angeles, nearly three months ago, I've seen her exactly four times. I don't even know where she's been living. She's moved out of the apartment she shared with Cat and Bet. I tried to stay away, I knew she needed time, she was still angry with me. I tried not to worry about where she was or who she was with. I feel stupid for that now. She's clearly not given me a second thought.
'Hannah,' she says, gently.
I ignore her, pouring the water into the pot with care, like it requires a great deal of concentration.
'Don't be upset,' she says, but the words jar with me.
'What's so great about London then?' I ask, sulkily. I turn around and lean on the side, folding my arms, waiting for the tea to brew. She's looking at me, pleading, sorry, but I don't care. She wants me to be okay with this, to say I don't mind, so she can swan off, free and easy, but I can't. I am not okay and I do mind. She can't do this. She can't do this to me.
'It's just somewhere new,' Minnie says, lightly. 'All the music and fashion and stuff that's happening there. It sounds so cool and fun... And it's... well, it's home, isn't it? England?' She smiles hopefully.
'Home? Home, that you swore you'd never set foot inside again.'
Minnie shrugs. 'That was then. That was years ago. London is miles away from Liverpool. It's not like I'm going to bump into anyone...'
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Shelter In Your Love (Beatles Fan Fiction)Fanfiction
Beatles fan fiction. "Never in my mind have I doubted how I feel for George. I've loved him for so long I can't remember when I didn't. I can't remember the moment I fell in love with him. I just always have loved him... But sometimes, lov...