Fifty Shades of Gay Anthology Series [NON-Cannon] 18+

Pain Arc ~ (2): A Dream That Can't Come True

Christian POV:

I sit in my apartment contemplating on what my father just said, maybe I did push it too far with that psychologist. That was poor taste... Nothing I have ever done has been on poor taste, what the hell is wrong with me. Thanks to my recent outbursts I lost the company, I guess I should have seen it coming but I guess the company is in good hands now. I meant a CEO that would cross the edge like that, it was like I was reverting back to my old self... no this is another side of me, I've seen the dark and I've been over the edge but nothing compared to this, losing Michael was something I couldn't comprehend. It was like if I was in a dream from which I cannot wake up, reality didn't seem real, nothing seemed real.  

...

"Well you've seen better days", says a voice as the elevator door opened. 

"Candice", I say.

"Hello Christian", she says.

"I'm not really in the mood, go home", I say to her.

"But I come bearing gifts", she says as I notice someone behind him. 

"Josh", I say in shock. 

He looked a mess, Leo wasn't kidding, he looked so depressed and out of it. 

"I don't want to be here, take me home", he said as he looked at the apartment and started freaking out. 

Oh right, Josh was with him that night, Josh was with Michael... right here in this apartment. 

"I can't be here", says Josh out of breath as he raced towards the elevator.

"You're not the only one suffering Christian", whispered Candice as I look at Josh. 

His body was shaking and he was terrified as he stood in the elevator with his quivering lips. I then walked to the elevator as Josh got more scared.

"Ch..ristian", he said with tears in his eyes.

"Josh", I say to him.

"Sorry, I'm, I'm so... sorry, I couldn't save him", said Josh as he fell to his knees crying. 

Josh... 

I then hugged him as he cried in my arms.

"I'm so sorry", he yelled as he trembled.

"It's not your fault Josh", I say as he cried as Candice stood next to us with tears in her eyes. 

I'll never forget the tears Josh shed that night, it was etched into my brain, I'll never forget the horrified look on his face. That opened my eyes, I wasn't the only one suffering. I was thinking of myself all this time, trying to hold this pain on my own, just like Josh has... Josh then fell asleep on the couch as Candice handed me a glass of water.

"I hate to make Josh an example but you see now how hard it's been for us", she says as she sat down. 

"I wasn't there for any of you and I'm sorry", I say as I grip the glass.