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Yoongi can't help but touch his ribs. They're uncomfortably poking his skin, the irritation finally being too much to handle. He looks at the full-body mirror and he can't help but notice how ugly he is. His bones are clearly visible, including his sunken in rib cage.
He knows this is unhealthy. He knows not eating and exercising too much is unhealthy but he can't stop himself. Being perfect is all he wants to be but he seems to have screwed up his body too much. There's no way he, by himself, can fix this. He needs his friends but the embarrassment of having to admit his problem to them is too much.
He'd rather die. And he basically is.
Yoongi no longer goes out and meets new friends, he doesn't play sports, he has no hobbies, all he does is wake up, go to college, go back to his dorm, do homework, then go back to bed. And the cycle repeats. He might talk to his friends a bit but ever since Hoseok's overdose a week ago, he feels like he can't face them. He's ashamed because he's as fucked up as Hoseok, if not a bit more and while Hoseok can admit his problems, Yoongi is a fucking coward and can't ask his friends for help.
But, his body hurts so much. Getting out of bed has become a struggle and talking has been excruciating. Yoongi's weight has dramatically dropped to 96 pounds.
So he basically is dying, his organs have been starting to shut down.
But at the same time, he's so pretty.
His thighs don't touch, he has a flat stomach, he has thin arms. This is what he wanted except now he looks like a skeleton. Is this how models feel?
The media has portrayed that being skinny is the way to have a good life, you'll get a boyfriend or girlfriend, everyone will like you, people will want to hire you for jobs, except that's not true. And Yoongi has finally realized this but he's already too fucked up. No one can love him.
With one last deflated look at his ribs, Yoongi pulls his shirt down and exits his bathroom, or should he say hell?
The bathroom has always been a place Yoongi either hated or loved.
He loved when he used to be able to look in the mirror and be happy and be able to love himself, but nowadays that seems impossible. Wherever he looks, he feels eyes and mirrors looking at him. Everyone's judging him and hating him and...and calling him fat.
Now he hates the bathroom and often covers up the mirrors with clothes or just turns them around.
Yoongi walks out of his bedroom with a sigh. Taehyung had left early for classes so he's left alone by himself.
Feeling slightly hungry, something he hasn't felt in awhile probably due to his shrunken in stomach, Yoongi goes to the kitchen and puts one slice of wheat bread in the toaster. While that's being done, Yoongi collects his books and other materials such as pencils and pens then puts them in his backpack.
The toaster dings and his single piece of toast exits the burner. Yoongi has given up on a visual calorie counter and just keeps all the numbers inside of his head. 60 calories.
Without putting any jelly or butter on his toast, he eats it slowly.
Without rushing, Yoongi finishes up his 'breakfast' and then grabs his bag. Yoongi exits his dorm and locks the door.
When he's outside, his body shivers although spring has already come. Often, his body can't produce heat and he's left freezing. Now, the cold reminds him that he's alive.
College has become a nuisance, the homework and assignments plus the stress of eating has often left Yoongi crying on a Friday night.
While walking to his class Yoongi pulls out an Advil then realizes he's almost out. Recently, his headaches have become more often and prominent. Yoongi grabs his water bottle and sticks the pill in his mouth. While still walking, Yoongi is able to take a swig of the bottle and swallows the pill successfully.
Entering his classroom, Yoongi takes a seat all the way in the back of the lecture room. He's ten minutes early, so Yoongi decides to rest for a bit.
Closing his heavy eyes, Yoongi can feel the stress start to disappear from his body.
