Prompt: Beckett tells Kaz he's going to be a father
A.N.- Not requested, just something I had in my head for a little
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The doorbell rang and Kaz went over to and pulled th e door open. Beckett stepped inside, kicking the door shut.
"Someone being murdered?" Beckett asked.
He could hear screaming and yelling from upstairs. Kaz just shrugged it off and sighed.
"Probably my husband," he said, leading Beckett into the kitchen. "Caine claims Ben stole his favorite shirt. I'm pretty sure Malley just fucked up when he did the laundry and put the shirt in the wrong room, but he won't admit it, so now they're all just fighting. I'm assuming someone started throwing pillows and it snowballed from there."
Kaz grabbed two beers out of the fridge, handing one to Beckett. They went into the living room and sat on the couch together.
"So, what did you need to talk about?" Kaz asked.
Beckett sat silently, staring at his beer. The yelling upstairs was dying down, though he could occasionally hear Killian begging someone to "drop that pillow or so help me god I'll call the police".
"Beck?" Kaz said, shaking Beckett's car keys in his face.
"Hey." Beckett glared and snatched his keys back. "I need those."
"And I need you to focus. You're the one who said he needed to talk," Kaz said. "If you need a minute to think, I can run upstairs and try to stop my husband from getting our kids arrested over a pillowfight."
Beckett took a slow, deep breath. "My wife is pregnant, Kaz."
Kaz frowned. "Is that...a problem? Wasn't that the goal? I mean, I know I don't have a wife, but generally when she stops taking birth control and you guys start having sex constantly, it's not just because you want Russian roulette thrills without actually dying."
Beckett looked frustrated. "Look, I know, we wanted this. We were tyring for this. But...Kaz, it's real now. It's real."
Kaz put a hand on his shoulder. "Coming to my house when the kids are ready to fist fight us over a T-shirt was probably a bad idea."
"Kaz!"
Kaz sighed and squeezed Beckett's shoulder. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You worried you'll be like your parents?"
Beckett ran a hand through his hair. It had taken him years to control his anger and finally sit down and talk openly with his parents about everything. They were still trying to fix their relationship. It was a process, something that had hurt all of them for years.
"They...my parents loved me. I know they did. My anger issues were always there, and they tried to help me find a healthy outlet. But then they started putting all that pressure on me. They wanted me to have a good future, but I also think they wanted to prove they had such a smart son." Beckett dropped his head a little. "How do you know, Kaz? How do you know when you're helping your child and their future, and when you're hurting them? I wanted to please them, so I didn't speak out about it. How do you know when you're doing something wrong if no one tells you?"
"Parenting isn't easy. My parents struggled between their trust in me and their distrust in Aaron," Kaz said. "My mom blamed herself for a long time after everything happened. But my kleptomania and Aaron's abused were things she couldn't stop." He leaned back a little on the couch. "Malley's parents hurt him a lot when they rejected his sexuality. Parents aren't perfect. I'm not perfect for my sons. I just do the best I can. That's all you can do sometimes."
"I don't want to hurt my own child," Beckett said quietly.
Kaz looked over at him and offered a smile. "So don't hurt them. You know how hard it is to be under constant pressure. Be vocal with them. Ask them if they're stressed, if they need help, if they need a break. It's okay to push your kids a little, but only if you're making sure they know it's safe to tell you when you're pushing too hard. Teach them how to play the piano, and how to do yoyo tricks. Let them bully Leon Constance's kid to blow off steam."
Beckett rolled his eyes and lightly hit Kaz. "You think...I'll be a good dad?"
"I do," Kaz said honestly. "You won't be perfect. No one is. But you take the things that hurt you as a child, and you make sure those things don't happen to your kids. You take the best parts of your parents' parenting methods, and you incorporate your own beliefs into it. Being a dad isn't easy, trust me. But I love my kids. I'd do anything for them. Sometimes I get it wrong. That's okay. I know I'm doing my best for them. Have you told your parents yet?"
Beckett shook his head. "Only you. Our parents are coming for dinner tomorrow, and we're going to tell them then."
"Be for them what you needed as a kid," Kaz said.
"Thanks, Kaz. Thank you," Beckett said. He'd watched Kaz and his other older friends start their families, and he knew they'd all been nervous too. They hadn't ended up at Conversion Academy for nothing, after all. They had their own struggles they were worried their children would repeat.
But his friends were all good parents. Even Pete, who'd struggled with alcohol and divorce, had pulled his family together and done right by his kids as best he could.
Maybe Beckett could be a good parent, too. His friends would always stand by him and support him. He knew that.
"I'll even loan my kids out as babysitters when they're older," Kaz said, grinning. "Can't promise they won't taunt your brat, though."
"Yours kids are staying far away from mine. Caine will steal my kid," Beckett said.
Kaz held up Beckett's phone. "Can't promise I won't do the same."
"Asshole." Beckett smiled, just a bit.
"You'll be great as a father, Beck. You got this," Kaz promised, handing Beckett his phone back. "You know my number if you need any help."
Beckett had told Emmett yet. But it didn't matter.
His real brother would be there for him through the next 9 months. Kaz would always help.
Kaz lifted his beer, knocked it against Beckett's and gave another grin. "Drink up, Beck. Better build up a hefty tolerance, because you'll want a few shots when the kid learns to talk."
Beckett laughed, feeling a lot better. He was still nervous, but at least he had Kaz there to help him through it all.
