WINTER. changlix, seungjin

[14] falling

f e l i x

"will school end already?" jisung sighed, throwing his pencil down and laying onto his back while staring at the ceiling.

"jisung, it's only winter. we still have a long way to go so might as well suck it up and deal with it." minho bit back, clearly annoyed at him.

jisung looked at him like he was crazy, and put his hands up in the air in an i surrender kind of gesture. "geez, sorry. what's your deal today?"

he scoffed, and focused his attention back on his paper. "nothing."

jisung obviously didn't believe him, but he decided to let it go.

minho had been like this for a while now. he'd always get mad at the littlest things and snap very easily. we had tried to talk to him about it, but he would just say that nothing was wrong. even though we all knew something was up. we didn't try to ask him anymore because we knew how stubborn minho can get.

minho was right though. it was still only winter and we still have a long school year ahead of us. right now, the mid-term testing is going and everyone is stressed and anxious about it. maybe that's why minho was snappy lately. the only free time we all get together recently, is studying and doing homework with each other. it feels like i do nothing but look at books all day, and solve math equations.

i look down at my math book, and try to focus on the question i'm on, #1. but my head aches severely. this is probably the worst headache that i've had so far this school year, and i get headaches every day at school. i grab my temples with my fingers, trying to suppress the pain.

i feel a hand rest on my thigh.

"you okay?" changbin says, taking the focus off from his work, which he's already half way through with.

"yeah, just a stupid headache. nothing new." i say, smiling to reassure him.

he mouths oh. "isn't this like your sixth headache this week?"

i can't think of anything right now. "uh, i don't know. it's not that bad. i can live through it."

he nods okay, but still looks at me worryingly. i hope that he lets it go. i don't feel comfortable when people worry about me. there are better things to worry about. i'm not that important.

"need help on the homework?" changbin says, looking down at my math sheet, which is completely blank.

"no, it's fine." i feel embarrassed. changbin is smart, and i'm dumb when it comes to every school subject. i can never keep up with him. i don't want to feel even more stupid about myself.

"oh, come on, felix. if you need help, you should ask for it." he says, smiling at me.

i start to oppose again, but before i can even say anything he starts to explain the equation to me. i try to listen to what he says, but i still can't understand it.

after him trying to explain it to me for the 5th time, i start to get frustrated with myself. "i'm so stupid. it's just one fucking question, why can't i understand it?!"

"you're just a slow learner. that doesn't mean you're stupid. you'll get it, trust me." changbin says, trying to convince me that i'm smart, which i'm definitely not.

he launches into it for 6th time, and I'm already lost.

"ugh," i say, "why is math so hard?" i pout, resting my head on changbin's shoulder without thinking about it twice.

he suddenly stops talking. i can feel his eyes look down at me, and i immediately regret laying my head on him. why didn't i think about what i was doing before i did it? it just felt so natural to me. i tell myself that it's not a big deal, that it's okay if you rest your head on your friends shoulder. it's completely normal. but why does it feel so weird all of the sudden?

"um..." changbin starts to say but he's cut off by a huge gasp coming from chan's mouth.

"what happened?" woojin says, everyone looking in chan's direction.

he has his hand over his mouth, the light from his phone illuminating his face. he doesn't say anything, just stares at his phone with his eyes wide.

"earth to chan! are you gonna tell us what happened or not??" jisung says impatiently.

chan keeps quiet, and passes his phone to jisung. jisung does the same thing. he has a shocked look on his face, like he can't believe what he sees on the phone.

"what is it?" minho says, looking at jisung.

he gulps, his eyes still on the phone. "...it's hyunjin."

my head snaps up at the sound of his name. i thought that i wasn't ever gonna have to deal with him again, but he just keeps finding ways to pop up back into my life. what could possibly be wrong now?

"what about hyunjin?" changbin says, a bitter tone to his voice. the fight that he had with hyunjin pops into my mind.

"it's says he tried to... kill himself here." jisung says quietly, all the joyfulness taken from it.

my heart drops. hyunjin? trying to kill himself? that must be some cruel joke. he never seemed like the type of person to do that kind of thing. he was always a happy person when he was with me. i start to think the worst. why would he do that? could it be because of me? i recall the last conversation we had with each other on the day i broke up with him. oh my god... i'm an asshole.

"that's got to be some joke right?" jeongin says, looking at everyone, waiting for an answer.

but nobody says anything. we all just stare at each other like what in the hell?

how could i have been so rude to him? i just walked out on him while he was crying. i always would complain about how rude he was to me but now i realize what an asshole i was to him in the end. all the time i made him cry and didn't even care... i start to feel myself getting worked up. my eyes start to water and before i try to hide it, everybody notices.

"felix... please don't say it was because of you. it wasn't..." changbin starts to say but i'm already getting off my bed and leaving the room.

i can't let them see me like this. i don't even want to see myself for now.

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FALLING - WHY DONT WE

20 COMMENTS TILL NEXT CHAPTER❤️
holy crap. guys I'm so sorry that i unpublished this story for a long time. I had writers block but I'm through it now and I'm hoping to start writing again. what did you all think of this chapter? thoughts? :)