WINTER. changlix, seungjin

[4] do re mi

f e l i x

i felt that my heart was sinking even farther down than it already had. was that even possible? i must have been dreaming.. no, i must have been having a nightmare. i closed my eyes, blinking over and over again, as if trying to erase what i saw right in front of me. but this was reality, and i was wide awake.

the first thing i saw when i arrived at the big mob of students shouting was hyunjin. he was being held back by two of his friends. he was trying to break free of them, obvious anger flaring in his eyes. he struggled, saying "let go of me!" but his friends didn't budge. they looked almost scared of him, like they had never seen him like this before.

i looked at hyunjin, trying to catch his eye. one million thoughts going through my mind about why he was so angry and why his friends where holding him back. my heart ached. every time i looked at him. those eyes that used to look at mine with an overflowing amount of love. but now he didn't even glance at me.

his eyes where staring down at the ground, glaring. i followed them and they landed on an even more horrible sight.

changbin was lying on the floor, fresh blood dripping down from his lips, and nose. his eyes where glazed over, visible tears dripping down from them. he held his wrist, gripping it hard to stop the pain. my breath accelerated, not knowing what to do. i wanted to reach out to him, hold his hand... but my feet where glued to the hardwood floor. i couldn't process what was happening. did hyunjin do this? how could he? a surge of emotions was going through me.

i locked eyes with changbin. he looked lost, blank. i wondered how i must've looked to him. cowardly? pitiful? my feet where about to move towards him, but he all the sudden shut his eyes. his breathing slowed down. i froze, my palms sweating.

the teachers were yelling at students to get back to class, but they sounded like a distant echo. in that moment, it was only me and changbin. was he okay? i kept waiting for him to open his eyes again, but they stayed shut. kids around me started to clear out and file back to their classrooms. i felt a hand on my shoulder, asking me if i was alright. i didn't answer. i couldn't find my voice. it was somewhere deep inside my throat.

next thing i knew, changbin was being picked and carried off in the other direction, hopefully to the nurses office. i stared at the empty space were he once lay. why did i feel like he was still there?

my mind snapped out of its thoughts quickly, remembering my boyfriend. i looked over at him. he was staring at me, knowing that he had fucked up. finally. he gazed at me pleadingly, as if he was begging for something. his lips parted, about to speak to me but then the teacher, a heated expression on her face, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him off to the principals office, cursing under her breath.

the bell rang for class, and it felt like i stood there in that empty hallway for hours. i probably did.

***

i stood outside the principles office, leaning on the brick wall. my foot tapped impatiently on the ground, tap tap tap. the sound of my shoe filled the heavy silence of the hallway. it was after school, and hyunjin had been in the school office all day. i had been waiting for almost one hour for him to come out. anger ran viciously through my veins. i was done waiting for him. i had been doing this for too long.

i stood up straight as the door opened and out walked out hyunjin. he saw me immediately, knowing that i would be here.

he looked guilty, his eyes traveling my face, not knowing were to look. his hands shook, he held them together, gripping tight.

"felix.." he said, i had never heard him speak this way. so soft spoken, the sound of his voice rolling off his tongue so soothingly and quiet.

i crosses my arms, never looking away from him. i was done with this. "i can't believe you." i said, making sure every word was strong and loud. i wanted him to hear me for once.

"i'm so sorry. you don't even know how sorry i am." he states.

"i don't believe you. don't act like you're sorry when you're not even one bit." i bite back. his words go through one ear and out the other. i will not believe his lies anymore.

"...listen..changbin started it. he provoked me." he says, his eyes traveling to the ground.

i couldn't believe it. "are you actually serious right now?" i exclaimed.

"yes! he started to say to me about how i was a bad boyfriend and how i was a self-centered asshole and all this other bullshit! he started the fight. not me, felix!"

i closed my eyes tightly and clenched my fists so hard that i could feel my nails dig into my skin. but i didn't feel anything. nothing but pure anger. i was fed up. i was tired of being some toy for hyunjin to play with whenever he was bored. i wasn't going to hold anything back anymore. i didn't care.

"well maybe he was right!" i yell at him.

"...what?"

i stepped closer to him, in a threatening way. "you are a bad boyfriend. you are a self-centered asshole who only cares about himself. you never loved me and if you did, it was just pity love. i'm tired of just sitting around and waiting. waiting for you to get your act together and actually be my boyfriend. you never pay attention to me anymore! it's like im not even here. i bet if i killed myself, you probably wouldn't even realize that i'm gone."

"i'm a human being, hyunjin! don't treat me like some object. don't act like you don't know what you're doing to me. i'm visibly hurting. hell, i've made it so clear that i'm struggling. i'm struggling just because of you. well, today i'm going to stop having a hard time just because of some player."

silence. he didn't say anything. he looked at the ground blankly, his lips parted. silent tears stained his cheeks. but i didn't feel any sympathy for him. in fact, i hope he felt that. i hope that hit him. hit him right in the heart. he should feel what i had been feeling for the past months. i almost smiled at the sight of him.

"nothing to say, huh? that's what i thought. i pity you. you look so helpless now. i hope you feel like this everyday. i hope you think of this day when you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning."

"i hope i'm lucky enough to never speak to you again. good riddance, hyunjin." i spat at him, making sure every word hit him hardly.

i spun on my feet, marching confidently in the other direction. i didn't bother to look back behind me at him. there was no looking back now. i thought i heard the faint sound of sobs. but again, i felt absolutely nothing towards him.

i wanted to forget him completely.

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DO RE MI - BLACKBEAR

sorry for the slow updates, again. i have no excuses expect that im really lazy and i forget that im even writing a book on here. it makes me depressed to see people have not commented but yeah I don't know lmao. please feel free to ask any questions you have about the story and leave your thoughts below :) it would make my day.