The Free Pass

Chapter 71

"You okay?" Mallory asked as she started to move the cart forward.

"Not really."

"Let me just get a couple things so I can cook dinner and then we can go," she said.

"No, let's complete the list. You don't need to run back out again tomorrow. That's ridiculous."

We went up and down the aisles in the grocery section, gradually filling the red cart. I felt relief as we got in line to check out. I shouldn't have gone out today; I wasn't in a great frame of mind.

At home, we put everything away. When that was done I started to feel antsy. I couldn't stand the results hanging over my head.

"Want to watch a movie?" Mal asked as she approached me with Grace in her arms.

"Let's just do it now," I said.

I sat down on the couch and held my arms out to hold my daughter.

"You want to know the results?" she asked. "Now?"

"Yeah, I'm getting more and more agitated as this fucking day wears on. Let's get it over with."

I leaned down and kissed Grace on her pink cheek.

Mallory sat next to us. "We'll be okay, right?"

It hurt me that she was so worried I'd leave her over this. She had good reason, of course. I'd been so angry and confused at first that I'd come right out and said I wasn't sure if I could remain a family if Grace wasn't mine.

"I've told you, hun, I'm here to stay. I know it's going to be hard, but it won't break us. I've played out a hundred scenarios in my head showing how things could change. In every one of those hypothetical situations, you're by my side."

She reached out and touched my cheek. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"I think I'm the one who got lucky," I said. I meant that.

"If the news isn't good, I'll understand if you're mad at me. It's my fault for being such an irresponsible drinker. Just try to forgive me."

"I can't promise you I won't feel a whole bunch of different emotions, but just know that I'll get over even the ugliest of them. And I promise not to punch any walls."

She smiled half-heartedly. "If you do, I know a great drywall guy."

Gracie was watching us as we talked. I often wondered how much she understood. She wasn't even seven months old, so she couldn't talk, but she seemed to follow conversations.

"You know what, maybe we should wait until we put her down for her nap. I don't want her getting upset by our reactions."

Mallory nodded. "She'll nap in about an hour. Want to watch a couple episodes of Entourage?"

She put Grace in her activity saucer and we curled up on the couch. Two episodes later, the baby was cranky. Mal fed her and put her in the crib.

Instead of getting out her phone or tablet, she sat on my lap. I was familiar with the look in her eyes.

"Shawn, before we check, can you make love to me?" she asked.

I knew what she was doing.

"Baby, don't do this. Don't act like this might be our last time. I've promised you we'll be fine."

"I know. I also know that if we find out Grace isn't yours, things are going to get really crazy really fast. Even if you accept it and are okay, things will get nuts with having to notify Garrett and telling our families, not to mention how the publicity could impact your new album," she said, her voice rising as she grew more anxious.

"Shhhhh. Calm down, Mal. Why get yourself worked up before we get the results?"

"I'm scared, Shawn. I think I keep preparing myself for the worst because that way it won't seem as bad, but deep down I desperately want her to be yours."

"Same. But it's time to find out. Let's get it over with," I said.

Mallory got up and grabbed her phone out of her purse. She sat down next to me, holding the phone in both hands in front of her.

"Mal, just unlock your phone and open the email. It's okay."

I watched as her home screen popped up. It was a picture of me and Gracie. She then opened the email app. I saw the email in her file. Unopened and ominous.

"You don't want to do it?" she asked.

I could tell she was struggling. I reached over and tapped the email, causing it to open.

The letter was generic. It went over the method of collection and how paternity was determined. At the bottom was a link to view the results.