Bright

Chapter 29

Two Months. Eight weeks, 60 days, 1,460 hours, and so many miscellaneous minutes. That's how long it's been since Dezzy was born, how long since Harry and the boys went back to work, and how long it's been since that psycho kidnapped and tortured me. I was thankful for my son's constant needs because he kept my mind busy. I didn't have time for postpartum depression. Instead, it was all the hours in between when Des was sleeping and didn't need me. The panic attacks weren't getting better, the jumpiness had me dropping all sorts of stuff from dishes to my phone. 

I was surprised to find that Remi was a great idea. Anytime I gave him the command 'baby' in French, he would run directly to Des, regardless of wherever he was, and he would guard him with his life until I gave him the 'heel' command. He was smart and I watched him grow everyday, right alongside the baby. He slept in the nursery every single night and during the baby's naps. He was always the first one into the car and the first one out wherever we went, and he didn't let anyone he didn't know or trust too close. 

Though Harry was gone more often, he stayed in touch with me every day. I made sure he could FaceTime with the baby and it thrilled me to no end to see Harry be carefree and smitten with his son. Even with the dogs and our firearms, Harry had a state-of-the-art security system put in place. One of the extra bedrooms was converted into a nerve center with monitors that surveyed every inch of the inside and outside of the house and property. The boys would be home in a few days and I couldn't wait. I longed for Harry when he was away, but I hadn't been able to be intimate with him since everything had happened. I was hoping to change that this time. Today was different, it felt different when I got up, like it was destined to be a good day and I couldn't place my finger on why. 

I'd already lost my baby weight and was back to my original weight before I got pregnant and I felt pretty good. My hair was longer and more blonde from spending more time in the sun. I had a healthy natural tan and everything on the outside seemed normal, good even. I wish I could say that about the inside. I found myself zoning out during the day, even in conversations, at the boutique, when I was nursing the baby, and during other tasks. I was having nightmares and flashbacks, losing my appetite, and I hardly spent time with anyone other than the baby. 

Today was my day at the boutique with Anne and I thought it would be good for the baby to see his grandmother and get out of the house for a few hours. I parked the Range Rover out back and grabbed the baby carrier while Remi led the way into the backdoor of the building. I heard Anne greet Remi with kisses and treats, and then she was giving me a hug with kisses to both cheeks. "How are you doing, sweetie? You're looking better." She comments. I smile and set the baby carrier on the couch. 

"I'm feeling alright. Today felt different, but in a good way. I feel good." I tell her with a smile. She clasps her hands together and smiles. "Oh, sweetheart, that's fantastic to hear! One day at a time. Now, can I hold my grandbaby?" She asks. I tilt my head to the side and give her a 'really, Anne?' look. "You do not ever  have to ask to hold the baby. Besides, he absolutely adores you and he needs grandma time." I say. Anne unbuckles him and scoops him up as if he's weightless and Dezzy cracks a huge toothless grin and giggles as she coddles him. 

"There's my happy boy! Oh, grandma loves you so much. Papa Des will be here later to see you, too." Anne talks to him as if he understands every word she is saying. His only reply is giggling and drooling on himself. I gather the account books and take them up to the register so I can make sure the receipts and the drawer in the cash register all add up, and Remi follows by my side, only to sit loyally on his bed by the door. 

With my nose buried in the books, I hardly realize that it's past lunchtime and I need to nurse Dezzy. Closing the books, I walk to the back office, where Anne is on the couch with Des in her arms. "I just realized I need to nurse him and then we can go get lunch." I whisper. She nods and sits up with him, causing him to get fussy. I take him into my arms and talk to him. "Oh, you're alright. You can go back with grandma after I feed and change you." I sit on the couch and lift my shirt and bra. I hold his head up to my breast and it only takes a few seconds for him latch on and begin sucking. Anne places a blanket over the baby and I thank her.