Alone Together {Patrick Stump}

Chapter 39

I woke up the next morning to a knock on the door. Pete was asleep by my bed, so I shook his shoulder. He looked up in alarm before relaxing when he saw I was okay. 

"Someone's at the door," I whispered. Another knock. Pete got up and walked to the door, opening it.

"What are you doing here?" I heard him say, but I couldn't see who he was talking to. "I thought we told you not to come back."

"Listen, Pete, I need to talk to Lyra." It was Dad. What was he doing back here?

"She doesn't want to see you. I thought yesterday taught you that, but clearly I was wrong."

"Please, Pete, I just need to talk to her. I talked to Charlotte yesterday. Please, just let me talk to her." I heard Pete sigh and he stepped aside, allowing Dad to walk in. He looked at me and approached.

"What do you want?" I asked sternly.

"I talked to Charlotte yesterday after what happened. It's over. I'm not seeing her anymore. She wouldn't understand that you are most important to me, so we aren't together anymore. I understand if you still aren't ready to forgive me, because what I did wasn't right. Until you are ready to forgive me, I'll stay away." 

He left without waiting for a reply. I was still angry, but I wanted my dad. I hated seeing him like this. It was turning into the day I had to call Pete to come get me before I took the whole container of pills. He was drifting. I only wanted my dad, but now I was losing him again. All over my idiotic self getting all defensive about him dating. Even after I told him I wouldn't care, I got defensive. Why did I do that?

I couldn't help it. I started crying. My sobs and gasping breathes woke Andy and Joe. Pete tried to calm me down, saying I was okay, but I wasn't. I wanted my dad, but instead I kept pushing him away. Why was I like this? What was my problem? Dad would be better off without me. . . .

I screamed and ripped at the wires connecting me to these beeping machines. I wanted out! I screamed and cried and twisted away from Pete. Andy and Joe tried to help him keep me still. They tried to calm me. But I couldn't. My body wanted out. My mind wanted out. I wanted out. And the only way was death. Agonizing, terrible, death. Then Dad would finally be free to do whatever he wanted. This was his chance to start fresh with someone new. Have kids of his own. Kids who don't have so many problems. Kids who would never cry at night about their dead parents and sister. Kids who wouldn't constantly be suicidal. Kids who would be happy. Kids who would be spoiled. Kids who wouldn't have to worry about the outside world, because they'd have their parents to protect them from it. Kids who weren't me.

"Lyra, calm down!" Pete pleaded. "It's okay! You're okay! Lyra, you're okay!" I continued to scream. I continued to twist. I continued to pull and tear and rip at the wires covering me, attaching me to the annoying, insufferable, beeping machines. Finally, Pete lay across my chest gently, restricting my movement. He held me tightly, refusing to let go as I screamed in his ear and tried to twist out of his grip.

"Joe! Go find Patrick! Andy, help me keep her still until he gets here!" Pete ordered. "Lyra, it's okay. You can calm down. You're safe. Patrick's coming. The doctors will be here soon."

"No!" I screeched. "No, no, no, no!"

"Lyra, calm down and tell me what's wrong," Pete said calmly. I tried to squirm, still screaming, but Pete had me pinned down. Andy held my legs together with strength, but his grip was still gentle. When the door opened and I saw Dad staring at me in shock, I screeched and cried and struggled with all my might. Dad rushed over after getting over his initial shock.

"L, sweetheart, calm down," he whispered, stroking my hair as I continued to struggled. "I'm so sorry, baby. It's all my fault. Please, calm down. Tell me what's wrong. We'll get you the help you need, I promise." I stopped screaming and struggling, but my tears kept falling and my breathing was still rapid. Pete and Andy reluctantly let go, and I breathed heavily as I tried to calm down.

"I can't take it," I sobbed. "I hate the doctors. I hate the hospitals. I hate the medication. I hate the chemo. I hate the radiation. I just want it all to end. I'm sick, I know that, but I'm tired of it all! It'd be easier if the damn tumor just killed me already." I cried, and Dad held me.

"I know it sucks, but it'll be over soon. You'll be able to go back to your life as normal. You'll go to school, you'll play music, you'll be home, you'll be healthy. Everything will be okay. You just have to get through this and beat the cancer. If you think you're up for it, I can see if Danni can come by and see you. She hasn't been here for awhile." I nodded, still crying. I wanted my best friend. Chloe and Summer hasn't cared to come and see me. I don't know what got into them. They didn't answer my calls, they didn't answer my texts, they didn't answer my emails, they completely ignored me. They did the same with Danni. Danny said she'd been trying to talk to them at school, to tell them I was in the hospital again. 

When the door opened and Danni entered my hospital room, she came over and hugged me tightly. She began a long winded explanation about why she hadn't been by in so long, even if it was only a few days— a week at most. She explained that she'd started a new band, and couldn't wait for me to be released so I could join. She explained that Chloe and Summer still ignored her, even though she'd tried everything to talk to them. She broke the news that her family was moving, but her parents were going to let her stay at the school since she'd begged them. She explained that she had said I would need her when I came back from the hospital and I was finally able to go back school. She told me all about the new band and how everything just wasn't the same without me. They had a lead singer, but she was leaving a bass position open if I wanted it.

"Of course I'll take the position!" I smiled. "I've been practicing as often as I can between sleeping and treatments. As soon as they release me, I'll be ready to play." 

"Only if your doctors say you can play," Dad said. "You can't be performing when you aren't strong enough. Do you want to end up back in the hospital?"

"No," I sighed. "But that won't stop me from practicing, even if I have to stay bedridden while I do it. Cancer isn't going to keep me from music."

"I'm glad," Danni smiled, laughing. 

Danni spent the night with me, and we had fun. She pushed me around the halls in my wheelchair; we hid from the nurses when they told us to stop; we went by and said hello to some of the other kids on my floor; we even rode the elevators up and down, Danni pretending to be a nurse taking me to get tests. We headed back to my room when I felt tired and Dad wasn't happy to find me so tired. He warned me, once again, the dangers of tiring myself out. We stayed in my room the rest of the night, playing board games. Around 9:30 that night, I was yawning constantly, but I didn't want to go to sleep just yet. 

"Lyra, if your tired, you can sleep," Danni said. "We have time tomorrow, too." I nodded and she put up the board game we had been playing. I fell back onto my pillow and made room for Danni to lay with me. She climbed into the hospital bed and lay down next to me. I fell asleep almost instantly.