Alone Together {Patrick Stump}

Chapter 18

My life was falling apart. Again. I had to go to school, even though all I wanted to do all day was lay in bed eating ice cream and cry. But, I couldn't. I forced myself out of the bed I was using at Andy's. It was early. The sun hadn't even risen yet. I jumped in the shower and took my time. When I had finished, I dressed in black skinny jeans, I plain white tee shirt, and a black jean vest. I pulled on my sister's boots, glad to have something familiar that wouldn't change. My fifteenth birthday was coming up, and I hadn't told anyone about it. I was going to tell Patrick sometime this week, figuring he should know when my birthday was, but I couldn't for obvious reasons. I went into the kitchen to find Andy making a vegan breakfast. 

"I hope it's okay," he said. "I don't have any non-vegan food."

I smiled. "It's okay. I'm sure it'll be great."

"Great," Andy said with a smile. "I want to just go about life like you normally would with Patrick, Lyra. Don't worry about him or what will happen. We'll figure it out. We won't make you go back to that orphanage, I promise. Patrick will come around." He smiled at me and I nodded, smiling back. 

I ate my breakfast, which was amazing, and went to finish getting ready. I blow dried my hair the rest of the way and applied my makeup. I went pretty thick with the eyeliner today, and smudged it just a little. I was slipping back to where I was before Patrick every day, and that wasn't good. I'd worked so hard to get out of it for Patrick and the guys, but I was slipping. Without Patrick, I couldn't hold on to it. It was slipping from my fingers and taking control. I would have to call Pete today. No. I couldn't. He was already busy with the Patrick problem, and he wouldn't be if I hadn't texted him. I couldn't bother him with my problems anymore. Oh God, what was I saying? I was shutting people out again. I shook my head. I turned around to see Andy standing in the doorway.

"Are you okay, Lyra? Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered. "I'm almost ready to go."

Andy nodded, but I don't think he was satisfied. I did my hair and grabbed my bag. Andy tossed me a lunch bag and grabbed his keys from the hook as we walked out the door. Andy's house was so much more organized than Patrick's. It was cleaner too. I'd heard Pete talking about how much of a neat freak Andy was. We jumped in the car with no trouble and drove off to the school.

Andy waved goodbye after I got out of the car at the front entrance to the school and drove off. I took a deep breath and turned to come face to face with Danni.

"That wasn't Patrick," she said with a straight, yet concerned, face. "Patrick always bring you to school. What's up?"

"I need to get my locker," I said, avoiding the subject. "I'll see you later." Danni grabbed my wrist and led me out across the lawn, away from people and prying ears.

"We have time," she said. "Speak. Now."

I sighed. "We got into a fight yesterday," I said. "He was acting weird, different from his usual self. He was trying to send me away for good. I had to text Pete, who brought Andy with him, and Andy and Patrick were yelling." I felt my eyes brim with tears. "Pete had to stop me from committing. I was scared. Now I have to stay with Andy until the guys can get this whole Patrick situation figured out. Please don't tell anyone, Danni. I'm not ready for anyone to know. Especially that I tried to overdose last night. I'm scared." Danni hugged me tightly.

"It's okay," she said. "I won't tell anyone. You can the girls when you're ready. But you should tell them."

"I know," I sniffled. "I'll tell them sometime this week. I don't know how long I'll be staying at Andy's, but I hope it isn't long. I miss waking up to find Patrick making breakfast for me in the kitchen every morning like he always did. I just to be able to go home and cuddle up with him while we watch movies, Danni. Is that too much to ask for?"

"No, of course not, sweetie," Danni whispered, comforting me. "You should want to go home. But they'll figure it out and you'll go home. It won't be long." I nodded. 

When we pulled away, I wiped under my eyes to get rid of the tears and smeared makeup. We picked up our bags from the ground and walked back to the school building. I said goodbye to Danni in the main hall and made my way to my locker. Chloe was waiting.

"You're late," she smiled. "Sleep in, sleepyhead?"

"No, Danni dragged me off. She needed to talk about something," I replied. Chloe nodded.

"Well, hurry up," she laughed. "We gotta get going." I put my stuff in my locker and grabbed my books I would need. We walked to Math together, laughing and talking. I had actually almost forgotten about yesterday. Not quite, but almost. I would never be able to fully forget what happened. It would be impossible. How could I forget the look on his face when I pulled away? How could I forget the feeling when he told me he was sending me away?

The day seemed endless. I just wanted to go home to Patrick's. But that couldn't happen. I had to go back to Andy's. I would call Pete and ask if he'd made any progress. Or maybe I'd wait a few days. Maybe I'd sit in the shower and cry, letting the noise of the water drown out the sound of my cries. Maybe I'd just sit in my room in silence. Maybe I'd drown out my thoughts with My Chem. music. Maybe I'd quietly do my homework at the kitchen table before curling up in the bed and watching movies. Maybe I'd eat ice cream while I watched the movies. I didn't know what I'd do when I got back.

At the end of the day, I walked out with the girls. I smiled as I waved to my friends and climbed in the car. I put my seat belt on and looked at Andy. He smiled slightly and put the car in drive. We drove away from the school, the one place I could push my thoughts to the back of my mind, and went back to Andy's. We sat in silence the whole time. When we got back, I went into the guest room and shut the door behind me. I felt bad, but I needed to be alone. I sat on the bed and did my homework before staring at the wall. There was a sudden knock on the door, startling me from my trance.

"Lyra? Are you okay?" came Andy's voice from the other side of the door. "You haven't hardly spoken all day. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen."

"I'm okay," I replied. "Just not feeling great today."

"Do you need to take something? I have some Tylenol and stuff if you want something," he replied softly.

"No, I'll be okay," I said.

"Okay," he said. He didn't sound convinced, though. "I'm going to find something to make for dinner. I'll come get you when it's done, okay?"

"Okay," I replied. I heard him walk away from the door. I sighed in relief and took out my phone. I debated texting Patrick or Pete, but I decided it would be a bad idea. I sighed and put my phone down. I couldn't text them. I couldn't call them. I just couldn't. But I couldn't push them away, either. I needed to grab my past self by the collar and put it back on the leash. But I couldn't catch it. My past was out of control, and there was no way to catch it.