Alone Together {Patrick Stump}

Chapter 35

~Patrick~

My head snapped up and I looked over to see Lyra awake. She looked so sad and in pain. And there was nothing I could do to help her. I had failed at being her father. I had failed at protecting her.

"Dad?" she asked again. "What's going on? Pete? What's happening?"

"Lyra, this is something Patrick should tell you," Pete sighed, looking at me. I sighed and got up off the ground, relocating to Lyra's bed.

"Lyra, the doctors told us you're really sick," I explained. I felt like crying, but I needed to stay strong. For Lyra. "They found a tumor on your brain. It's inoperable. They can't remove it without damaging your brain." She didn't look at me.

"I'm so sorry," she cried. She looked up with tears drowning her cheeks and eyes. "I should have told you. I didn't want you to know. I knew it had to be back, but I didn't want to say anything. I- I was afraid you wouldn't want me if you knew."

"Knew what?" Pete asked. I swallowed hard.

"Lyra, what do you mean when you say you knew it had to be back?" Andy asked from the corner.

"The tumor," she said. "It started when I was six years old. It came back three years later. It's been gone for six years, so I thought it was gone for good. A few months ago, while we were on tour, I recognized the signs. I ignored them. I thought if I pretended it didn't exist, it would go away and I wouldn't have to tell you."

"Lyra, you know you could have told us," I said. "I don't love you any less."

"So it's bad, isn't it?" she whispered. "You can tell me. I've been hearing it since I was first diagnosed. I can handle it."

"They said it's pretty bad," I said. "It's inoperable as is. It's gotten too big."

"It spread, didn't it?" she asked. "It spread last time too."

"It did spread," I sighed heavily. "But they can remove the spreading tumors. They give you three months without therapy for it. With chemo and radiation, the doctors think they can shrink the tumor to the size they need it to be before they can remove it."

"So I was right," she said. "It is bad." I nodded.

~Lyra~

I knew it. I knew it for a long time. A Little after the accident with the tour bus, the signs started showing. I felt nauseous sometimes. My headaches returned and got worse. My vision blurred sometimes. I lost my balance just walking. When my headaches started getting worse and happened more frequently, that's when I knew it was coming back. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I hadn't wanted to tell them because my life was finally getting better. I didn't want anything to do with my past. And then this happened. Now I can't escape it. I let it go on for too long. Now I have to leave Patrick. Even with chemi and radiation, I won't live long. The doctors were barely able to remove the whole thing last time. It's just going to come back. So I'm not doing chemo or radiation.

"I've decided I don't want chemo or radiation," I said. "I did that six years ago. I don't want to do it again. I know, you're going to tell me I'll die without it. I'm going to die with it. I know how this works, Patrick. And I want to see my scans. I want to see how bad it really is." He looked at me, completely shocked, but got up and left the room to find my scans. He came back with a doctor.

"I hear you want to look at your scans?" He asked. I nodded.

"I've had this exact same tumor two other times," I said. "This would be my third time battling it. And I'm fifteen. I learned how to read scans when I was eight because I was tired of living in the dark. I wanted to be able to see what was happening with my own brain. So I learned how to read them. You don't even have to tell me anything. All I need are the scans. That will decide if I fight the tumor again or not." He nodded and handed me a folder. I took out the scans and held them up to the light.

"It sure is something," I breathed. "Right on the frontal lobe. I see why it's inoperable. If you cut there, it'll damage the undamaged tissue. If you cut there, it could cause a serious brain bleed. Instant death." I was really talking to myself, but I knew everyone was listening. "It's too large. I can't do it. I can go through chemo and radiation long enough to get it down to an operable size. And even then, it'd be risky. The tumor being as close to the frontal lobe as it is, I'd be surprise if any surgeon would be willing to operate on a tumor that bad."

"I know plenty of surgeons if that's what you're worried about," the doctor said. I shook my head.

"No, I'm not worried at all," I said. "I just can't do the chemo and radiation it'd take before someone was willing to operate and remove it. So no, I'm not doing it. Just send me home to spend time with my friends and family for three months or so. I'll be fine."

"I can't let you do this to yourself, Lyra," Dad said. He was crying again. "You have to fight it. It's the only way."

"It's not the only way," I said. "We can do a lot in three months. I can go to school for one week and say goodbye to everyone. Then we can spend the rest of the time traveling or doing whatever. Just remember I'll be dying happier than I could have ever believed."

"But I can't go on without you," he said. 

"You can, I know you can," I said. "You can adopt again. I'm sure there are plenty of teenage girls needing adopted."

"Lyra, you have the chance the fight!" Pete said suddenly. "You have the chance and you're refusing to take it!"

"Pete, I know how tumors work," I sighed. "I've been through chemo and radiation. It's awful. My skin deteriorates and my hair falls out. I refuse to let anyone look at me when I'm like that. It makes me self conscious and I hate it. Just let me decide what's best for me myself."

"I can't let you," Dad said. "I won't let you. It's the only way you can live."

"Don't you understand," I said, starting to cry. "I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you. But I can't go through that again." I started to sob uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. But I couldn't make him understand. I knew he wouldn't let me not get treated. I was fighting a losing battle, but I had to try.