Alone Together {Patrick Stump}

Chapter 19

The days wore on. I eventually told Chloe and Summer, with the help of Danni. I'd gotten no word about Patrick from anyone, but I didn't pressure. It was Saturday and I was sitting on the bed in the guest room alone when there was a knock on the door.

"What?" I asked.

"Ly?" came a voice I hadn't heard in days. I jumped up and ran to the bedroom door, flinging it open and jumping into his arms.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean any of it. I don't know what got into me, Ly." I hugged Patrick so tightly, like if I were to let go, he would leave and never come back. "Please come back home."

I nodded. "Of course," I whispered. "I never wanted to leave in the first place."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I want you to come back home. The house is so lonely without you, Ly. Too quiet." I nodded.

"I'll pack in a minute," I whispered. "Right now, I just want to stay here. Just like this. I missed you." He nodded. We stood there for awhile longer before we reluctantly separated and I set about packing while Patrick talked to Andy. I finished packing quickly and dragged it out into the living room. They smiled at me and Patrick took my bag.

"Let's go home," he smiled. I smiled back, nodding, and we went back home. I unpacked everything into my bedroom and sat on my bed. I liked being home again. I liked being with Patrick again. But I was still losing it. I had lost control of my past, and it was taking over my life day by day. But I wasn't going to say anything. Not yet. My life was finally coming together. I didn't want to ruin it again. I pulled out my phone out and texted Pete. I hadn't talked to him since Tuesday.

Lyra - Hey. I'm sorry. I should have called. Thank you, though. Patrick came by and got me. I'm home again. Thanks, Pete. For everything. I need to talk to you, though. If you could come over as soon as you get the chance, that would be great. It's not super important, so don't worry about it. Thanks again. :)

Pete - Don't apologize. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation :) I'll come by sometime soon and we can talk. As long as you're sure it isn't important.

Lyra - Thank you :)

I set my phone aside and lay back on my bed. There was a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in!" I called. The door opened and Patrick walked in. He sat on my bed and I rolled over to face him, smiling.

"It's good to have you home," he said.

"It's good to be home," I said.

"I'm sorry about what happened," he sighed, looking at me. "I don't know what I was thinking. I can't send you away. It'd be too lonely and quiet."

"Patrick, you are perfect," I said. "I wouldn't want to live with anyone else. I don't care if it's just us. I would actually prefer it to be just us for awhile. Unless, of course, you want to bring someone in. . . ."

He shook his head. "There is no one right now," he said. "And if there never is--"

"Then I'd be just fine with it," I cut him off. "I don't care, Patrick. I don't care if it's just us. I don't care if there is never someone. I don't care if there is someone. I just want to be here, with you. I love Brendon and Sarah, I really do, but I'd rather be with you. We will fight, I know we will, but I will always come back. If I run away, which will probably happen, I will come back. I'll get mad, I throw fits, I'll say I hate you, but I will never go far. I couldn't stand these last few days. I cried and I screamed and I didn't hardly sleep. I never told anyone how I felt, though."

"Lyra, talk to me," he said. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"I'm going back," I said. "On Wednesday, I smudged my eyeliner. Thursday, I was going to call Pete. I didn't. I shut myself in Andy's guest room. I hardly spoke to anyone." I started crying again. "My life before I met you is consuming me again and I can't make it stop. I almost committed while I was at school and at Andy's. I had to force myself to stop. Pete had to stop me on Tuesday. I'm trying, but I can't make it stop." I was in tears, looking at Patrick. 

"I'm sorry, Lyra," he whispered, hugging me tight. "I didn't mean for this to happen." I shook my head.

"It started before Tuesday, Patrick," I whispered. "I just ignored it. And now it's too late and I can't make it stop."

"We'll get Pete over tonight so we can all talk about this," he whispered into my hair.

"I already texted him," I replied. "He said he'd come over soon so we could talk."

"I'm telling him to come tonight," Patrick said. "We can help you, Lyra, you just have to ask for it. All of us, the whole band, are here for you. We love you, and we don't want anything to happen to you. When you were in that coma for about a month, none of us got hardly any sleep. We love you, Lyra."

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry I've been such a burden. I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve any of this. It's just like they said." I was talking more to myself than Patrick. I knew I didn't deserve them. I knew I didn't deserve to be alive. 

"Don't talk like that, Lyra," Patrick said sternly, but I could tell he was concerned. "You deserve the world. You deserve everything the guys and I could ever give you. You deserve more than we could give you, even. Never listen to what those girls at the orphanage said. Ever. You are perfect just the way you are. We love you for who you are as a person, now how you look or how talented you are or what music you listen to. We could care less about those kinds of things. They mean nothing to us. But you, you mean everything to us."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Let's go call Pete and then we can watch a movie downstairs, okay?" Patrick said. I nodded. 

We walked downstairs and I picked out a movie while Patrick called Pete. I sat next to him on the couch and proceeded to start the movie while they talked. Finally, Patrick hung up and we started the movie.

"Pete will be here in the morning," Patrick said. "He said he couldn't make it tonight, but he'd drive down as soon as he got up tomorrow."

"Okay," I said, starting the movie. "Can we make popcorn?"

"Yeah, of course," he replied, smiling. "I'll go make some." He got up and I curled under the blanket, watching the introduction to the movie. 

When he got back with popcorn, I curled up next to him with the blanket, eating popcorn while the movie played. The movie was almost over when Patrick fell asleep. I slowly and careful got off the couch, careful not to wake him. I went into the kitchen and got a bottle of pills from the medication cabinet. It said two was the right amount for a fourteen year old. So I took five. If I couldn't stop myself from taking any, I'd force myself to take small amounts at a time. Then I'd tell Pete or Patrick. And they would help me. Soon, I might actually be able stop. Taking five pills instead of two was better than taking an entire bottle or cutting. It was enough to satisfy the feeling, but not enough to kill me.

I went back to living room and curled up with Patrick again, listening to his slow, even breaths. I soon fell asleep, unsure if the pills would actually do any damage and I would actually wake up.