imagines :)

Chris evans imagine

'ca-can you ss-ss-stay-ay on the phone, until ii fo tt-tto sleep?' you asked as you tried your best to hide the embarrassment in your voice, 'of course doll.'

when you woke up, you noticed that Chris had texted you several times:

I worked it out to where I can come home this Thursday babe! -7:39am

I just have to finish the post credit scene and then I'll be done -7:41am

I love you sweet -8:15am

make sure to tell dodger good morning for me -8:17am

you soon replied:

yay! I cant wait to see you <3 -9:26am

I love you more, dodger says good morning -9:28am

you got up out of bed to start the day. your stomach was stilted in millions of knots, and your arm had fresh cuts on them, damnit y/n! you thought to yourself, Chris is going to be disappointed.

he hated seeing how you kicked yourself, it made him feel that much more worse. you hated the affect you specifically had on him. it made you feel disgusting.

you then realized it was Wednesday, you rushed around getting everything ready for his return home. cleaning every room spotless, cleaning every dish you saw, making windows so clean you'd think theres a hole in the wall, everything had to be perfect.

once you finished, it was 11:34 pm. you went to go take a shower, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror. you were in your bra and underwear, you weren't looking at your face, you were looking at the stretch marks across your stomach, legs and back, you were looking at the way your baby fat poked out because of your bra, you were looking at the way your thighs didn't gap like every other girls.

you were looking at imperfections, not perfections.

you stepped into the shower, you could feel yourself crying, but you couldn't pick out which were tears and which were water droplets. you felt the weight in your chest again. this time heavier.

you didn't bother to put a bra on, you just slipped on boy shorts and one of Chris' t-shirts and crawled into bed, not looking at your phone.

you found yourself not physically being able to cry anymore, your heart was aching, all you wanted was to be able to hold Chris and thats all. just you in his arms telling you everything will be okay.

you didn't think it was possible to wait until he got home. you could hear your phone buzzing, but you didn't want to get out of bed. you ignored it and went to sleep.

when you woke up, you smelled coffee and bacon. he's home, you thought. you put your hair up in a bun, wrapped a robe around your body and stepped out of your bedroom. 'babe? is that you?' you heard dishes clanking together, 'yeah! its me!' you eagerly bit your lip and rushed down stairs.

you ran behind him and gave him a hug, a tight one. he turned around and grabbed your arms, no no no, his thumb felt the scar, you tightly closed your eyes because of the piercing pain, and his eyes, his eyes were filled with guilt, and so many other emotions.

'babe.. why didn't you tell me?' you teared your arm away from his grip, and made sweater paws with your robe. he knew that every time you did that, it meant you were embarrassed or insecure about something in the moment.

'I didn't want you to be mad at me..im sorry' he took you into a hug, one that you needed.

he picked you up by the hips and set you on the kitchen island, rubbing his hands up and down your arms and back. he knows exactly how to comfort you.

'im so sorry Chris, I cant do this to you!' he tilted his head, 'y/n what does that mean?'

'im just. im too much to handle, I do this, I have metal breakdowns, im depressed all the time, I cant go one day without doing one thing wrong, im half empty with out you, Chris, and with you im full all the way to the top. but when youre gone, I dont know what I'll do.' at this point, you were just letting words flow out of you.

'and-and I get in the way of your work, and im not the person for you. im just not.' you started to see tears in his eyes, but on your face was the Niagara Falls, 'how? how are you not? your perfect to me In every way y/f/n! you cant tell me different!'

'I just really fucking hate myself. I really do Chris. and I hate what I make you go through.'

he pulled you into a kiss, with passion and love you haven't ever felt before. this was real love. this feeling, the one you felt, and only with him you felt it.

'remember, a few weeks before I left, you asked me what I thought the definition of love is? and I told you I didn't have an answer?' he asked you in a soft and gentle voice, 'yeah' you sniffled

'I know what it is. it is two broken people, trying to fix each other. thats love'

this was a lot for me to do.

1-800-273-8255 -u.s suicide hotline

866-567-8352 -u.s depression hotline

you are all perfect the way you were made.

feel free to message me anytime you want.