Your Lies

Chapter 21 - Realization

Chapter 21 - Realization

As I lie against the roof of the house, watching all the stars blink at different times, I think about all the things that happened so far. From when I first said my first word (which was 'chicken') to now where I'm finally settling down to where I feel like I belong. 

Home.

I think about when I first visited my mom's grave in Dallas with dad by my side, sobbing his eyes out even though it had been years since she had passed away at that time. Every time we would visit her grave, there would always be a middle aged woman looking at us in sorrow. I would guess the same thing happened to someone close in her family, but I never bothered to ask, believing that it would be kind of rude to nose in her business.

I think about the time when dad would show me his wedding album of him and mom together, illuminating the room as they dance together, or when they were holding on to each others eyes with lust in the photo.

But after she left, all those photos are nowhere to be seen. He hid them away from me, from anyone who steps into our house.

It got to the point where dad felt lonely, he started blaming things, blaming others for his loss he had been mourning about. He felt alone. And part of me was concern about him, but something about him changed. Not only his manners and appearance, but what he held deep down in him was all gone. 

I can't say I feel sorry for him, but I cant say I completely don't. It would be cruel not to. But the way he has changed into a dark living soul, a complete madman, was hard to forgive and accept the way he is. He is my dad after all.

Then there is another question I think about... why didn't my dad just find another woman? I get that it is hard to forget about someone you love dearly, but it's better than moaning and wailing about the same person for years and never do anything about it.

Is it because he thinks we won't get along well?

But then when I think about it, if my mom never left, he would have never acted like this. Like a lunatic.They as in the doctors said she died a few days after I was born. I didn't believe it but I had to. There was no other explanation of how she could hide herself and her identity without being recognized, unless she was part of the FBI or something like that.

I even tried to ask dad years ago about her, but he would just look at me with a mixture of rage and depression and shrug it off. Leaving me to take my thoughts to the most weirdest assumptions, only because I was little and I was also an idiot for not understanding the pain dad was feeling.

I couldn't really feel the same way about my mother who had passed away like how dad does. I couldn't feel all that mixture of anger, sadness and pain dad was going through at once. I felt  dull and confused. Although I must admit that I still feel sad to this day I didn't get to know who she really was. Yes, she is my mother, but I wanted to know everything about her.

I wanted to know her scent, the way she'd speak to me, and the way she'd hold me like all the other children who gets to spend time with their mother.

I sigh and shake my head as the fog is almost getting cleared up, I'm stuck between the truth or a lie. The thought that my mom never really died or it was just a lie to cover up the hidden answer. But for all I know, I can't assume anything even though I should have the rights to, but no one would tell me. 

But if she's alive, then why is she hiding? 

Now that I am on my own, well living on my own in California, I feel kind of relieved to have a distraction around me. So I wouldn't have to face all my problems that continuously bug me. I have got great, yet dramatic people who support me all the time. Even though I wouldn't mention about them much, I still care for them. Even my weird neighbor Nora...

I then realized that it was around 11 pm, by the looks of the slightly empty road and not many lights turned on in peoples homes. I should have gone to bed long ago, but I wasn't tired enough to as my mind was filled with so many questions that would make me think too hard causing my head to pound.

It was like some stupid math equation, the more you look at it the more your head starts to wander around and then you pretty much lose yourself into a bunch of non-sense. Like come on I was good at math when it came to 3 + 3 but then the alphabet decided to join the equation cause I guess it was feeling useless , so then I just happened to become a complete noob at math all of a sudden.

These are my late night thoughts children, I got nothing to hide.

I chuckle at my idiotic sense of dry humor, once again shaking my head in shame wondering how lucky I am to have all my friends supporting me. 

Standing up from my spot on the roof, I watch a car coming towards my street, driving quite slowly.

I watch it like the stalker I always am (and will be) as it gets closer and closer towards my house, and then stops at the sidewalk in front of my porch.

Ok, now who the hell wants to come over late at night here? I don't have any good food apart from that baked bean chilling in the cabinet.

The cars engine turns off as the person climbs out of the car, jingling the keys into their pockets. The person then walks towards my front door step, as I could still not see their face, only their body as I could easily tell it was a guy. 

"What are you doing up there on the roof, Pearl?" 

Well at least he could see me from down there.

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Eyyy~ What's up people.. 

Yea it's been a while since we last published, we apologize deeply for that, but it was a must. Now that exams are finished, there will be more frequent updates :DD

And the depressing chapter... welp it just had to be ://

School  is also finally finished so we are relieved about that smh, it took forever tho. Obviously meaning more time to write crappy chapters like this one of course. I still wonder why you guys are here tho :/ 

Anyone wondering who's the guy at Pearls front door step? ;3

~TeenDreamingUniCats