Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome To My Daddy Review

This is Running on Empty, Slime Review

Written by @illneverusethis1

(Reviewbrah's P.O.V)

Slurp slurp slurp. My left fang in my lover's neck is like a hypodermic syringe that can suck up blood like a straw. The right fang injects my muscle relaxing saliva, ensuring Y/N doesn't struggle like some kind of... I'll put this politely, like some obese elephantine man waddling over to a Taco Bell. Ze falls limp in my hands, comparable to something I'd rather not mention... However, fear not ladies and gentleman, and everyone watching, there's medication you can take to regulate the blood flow to that area. Though, if it lasts longer than 4 hours, you should immediately go see a doctor. I cannot stress that enough. And with that said, my public service announcement is over and my movements are serpentine as I coil around Y/N who lays unconscious on the floor. Ze takes it like a champ, out like a light as if I've just administered a heroin laced elephant tranquiliser...

I mean, I suppose that's partly true. I did technically lace hir porridge with a heroin elephant tranquiliser for extra added flavour. And still, I evolve... hypnotised by my primal instinct...my PRIMAL URGE. I SLUUUURP down hir sweet sweet blood which tastes like a Monster Energy Drink because of hir subpar lifestyle, diet and personal hygiene. A comforting taste reminding me of home - planet Earth, 2018. Nostalgia, I crave it. It's driving me wild. Suddenly, key lime-pie slime exudes from her pores as a natural fight or flight response to the situation at hand. I grin ear to ear, it reminds me of the days when slime challenges were popular on youtube. Youtube? Remember those days. I would always scoff at the content creators who made slime because I secretly wanted to eat all their slime. Now's my chance, I thought, while unclenching my fangs, I pull out my camera and press record. "Welcome back ladies and gentleman, and everybody watching, to another food review. Today I'm reviewing the slime from Y/N's arm. Going in."
Running my tongue down her goo covered arm, I consider the slime in its entirety."You know, slime... there's no middle ground when it comes to slime. That's a fact. It's either going to be all the way good or absolutely terrible. There's no such thing as middle ground - it doesn't exist. It's either going to be delicious or the worst thing you've ever eaten and that was the worst thing I've ever eaten quite frankly. For what it was, it was honestly dreadful. You know slime, you get the ones that are just... they have just a little bit of breading and then you've got the ones that are crispy and crunchy. And this is a crispy slime. It has a crisp to it, but the inside is still a bit... tender...so to speak. The quality wasn't the highest, because it's slime, but the slime quality is similar to that of slime fries. Y'know, for comparison. And in terms of spice level, it was spicy but not, you know, burning hot. However, the spiciness is there, it's manageable though.

A drink of blood would be a good accompaniment if I were to give my own assertion. Let's try it out... I clench my fangs down harder into Y/N's thicc beefy neck, sucking hir dry. Oh no... what have I done? Seeing hir lifeless corpse all wrinkled on the blood-stained bear carpet like some measly prune makes me defang. I call out to her, poking hir slimy cold skin but there's no response. Even when I violently shake her. Salty tears burst from my ears and spill down my cheeks like some piping hot tea I'm serving. How could I have been so blinded by my urges? I've been such a fool. While wiping the tears from my eyes, Y/N spontaneously defecates. Now, I realise this is a natural part of the process, but I can't help feel disgusted and ashamed. Being a man of class, I pinch my nose and the idea that it's time for me to leave springs to the surface. Quickly, I put this genius idea into fruition, leaping to my feet I brush off the slime which has tarnished my avant garde Alexander McQueen suit jacket with bumble bees on the lapel. Then, I proceed flying out the window into the ancient mahogany brown forest, flapping my arms like an Alaskan hummingbird. What waits for me there within the creaking trees, I don't know... All that I know now is that I'm free.