Crossing Paths

Fourteen

The remainder of dinner, along with the car ride back to the loft moved on with minimal exchanges. Mostly only pleasantries being shared when forced. After my outburst, all of us were pretty much rendered speechless. Mom watched me carefully for any signs of another breakdown. Ry secretly stole worried glances wondering what might happen next. It wasn't until we were a couple of blocks away from my place that I noticed him fidgeting. Excited fingers tapped a beat against his thigh, while his other hand white knuckled the steering wheel.

When he parked a few spaces down from the yellow door, I knew if I didn't move fast he'd try to speak. My stomach rolled urging me from the car. No way I'd let him see me heaving my dinner up. Jumping from the car, I ran to the yellow door with one mission in mind. Open the damn door, fast. Footsteps echoing in the hallway pushed me to run faster, taking the steps two at a time. Shoving the door to the loft open, dropping my stuff, I raced towards the bathroom slamming the door behind me. Falling to my knees in front of the toilet, annoyed that for the second time tonight my stomach felt the need to empty itself.

Laying my head on the cold toilet seat, wondering how long I'd spent hidden away in the bathroom. Now that I finished heaving, muffled voices leaked through the thin wall. Why was Ry still here? Originally, the plan was for him to stay and run interference until mom fell asleep. But, that was before. Honestly, I don't know if I have the strength to face him anymore tonight.

"Sweetie?" A light tap got me moving, falling to my butt propping my back on the wall. "Can I come in?" Cracking the door and peeking inside.

"Yes." I answered, shocked by the raspy voice leaving my mouth.

Shuffling inside making sure to close the door behind her. Sliding down beside me, gently brushing some stray hair from my face, "Feeling better?"

"Almost."

"How concerned should I be? Are we on high alert? Or, should I give you space to process?" Worried motherly eyes settled on me waiting patiently for me to speak.

"Mom," I didn't want to talk. Not to her, or him. I wanted to be left alone to process this on my own. If I didn't say something she'd smother me all night. "I'm ok. I got mad. I'm processing, not reverting. I promise, I'm not going to have a breakdown. Please trust me."

Watching her listen to my pleas, I could see the wheels turning. She wanted to trust me, but she was worried. That much showed in her eyes. It took a long time for her to break down the massive walls I built around myself to protect me. We'd talked about these types of issues when I decided I was ready to attend college. Dealing with setbacks. How to recognize them before they snatched me up. How I'd deal with pressing issues and added stress.

Resolved, "Ok. I'm going to bed. But, Sweetie," Turning so I could see her better, "The guy out there waiting for you," pointing to the door, "He truly cares about you. I think you should talk to him. If given the chance, he might surprise you," Pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Love you. I'll see you in the morning."

Once alone, I let her words replay. When did she shift to backing him? Did she see something I missed? Had he said something to change her opinion of him? Pushing my weakened body from the floor to brush my teeth. Sweeping my hair into a messy bun, I went to find him.

"Ryder?" My unfamiliar rasp whispered through the resting loft.

Jumping from the sofa as soon as he heard me. "Rylan? I'm here." Stepping towards me hesitantly. "Are you ok?"

Crossing my arms to close myself off, "I'll be fine. Mom's gone to bed so you should probably go," Trying to avoid his eyes.

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying for a while. Make sure you're ok."

His voice tugged at my heart. "Let's go down stairs so we can talk without disturbing her." Not wanting her to worry, "Mom, I'm walking Ryder out. I'll be back up in a minute." He followed me closely down the stairs.

Reaching the door I turned surprised to find him sitting on the steps. Damn it! He's going to make me talk. I hoped he would have mercy on me and leave quietly. Without talking. We could talk tomorrow. Or, the next day. Or, never.

"Please talk to me Rylan. I never expected to drop this on you. Not like this. I wasn't thinking clearly. Your mom totally threw me for a loop. Say something, please." His voice close to begging.

Sighing from exhaustion, "You don't have to apologize Ryder. I shouldn't have over-reacted the way I did. You're allowed to date whoever you want. It's wrong of me to judge you." Shifting my weight from one foot to another.

"Bullshit." Standing, his voice raised. His hand running through his hair. "Why are you being so nice all of a sudden? You were pissed earlier."

Completely flooded by emotions, "Of course I was pissed, glad you noticed. And stop trying to play dumb. You know damn well why I'm pissed. Of all the girls on campus, you pick... HER." Unable to bring myself to say her name.

"I didn't pick her. You make it sound like I searched her out. I didn't ask her out. She, asked me out."

"But you chose to say yes. Knowing how it would make me feel. How it would hurt me." His mouth fell open in shock. "You could have said no."

"You're right. I could have. I probably should have. But, I was mad..." His voice lowered as his words trailed off. He was mad? About what?

"I know I'm right. And it doesn't change anything. You still said yes. I don't want to talk about this right now." All I wanted was for him to leave so I could be alone. "Listen Ry, it's late. We've had a long day. Thank you for coming to dinner. Tomorrow, Chloe and I will take mom out. You shouldn't be bothered with the mess. It was wrong of me to expect you to drop everything in your life. This is my problem and I should handle it on my own."

"What?" His eyes wide, "Where is all of this coming from? It's no problem. It's what friends do for each other. I didn't drop anything. Besides, I've already got everything for dinner. I had the place cleaned today. I've got everything ready and waiting." Inching towards me, sad eyes cutting me to my core. "I'll see you in the morning. Everything will be better in the morning."

Did he plan on inviting her to dinner? Would he do that? I had an odd feeling that maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought. I'd never have expected him to hurt me this way. Just the thought turned my stomach. "Ok."

Stepping onto the sidewalk, "Rylan?" Pulling the door back open, "Nothing's changed. I'm still the stalker guy, and you're still Little Miss. We're still friends. Right?"

It killed me to lie. What else could I do? He left me no choice if I wanted him to leave. "We're fine. See you tomorrow."

Locking the door tothe loft and sliding to the floor, the awful feeling I'd been holding offcrushed me. Tears streamed from tired eyes. I didn't want to lie. Didn't wantto lose my best friend. At the moment I couldn't see any other outcome. Andjust like that my past came rushing back. The space I held inside me for him,already emptied, leaving behind a hole. Grateful that she found me and helpedme to bed. Drifting to sleep listening to her whisper, tomorrow would bebetter. I wished I believed her.