Be More Homo {Be More Chill Book} •{DISCONTINUED}•

Couple Swap: Why Can't He Leave Sooner?

This is from the Couple Swap au GalaxyGal-103 and I created.

{Tw: Swearing, Panic attack, thoughts of suicide, all around angst}

"I was thinking about this moment. About what I was gonna say to you." Jeremy said, trying his best to sound upset and not relieved, because at least his friend was ok. "I had this... really.. pissed off monolog. An-an epic journey through t-twelve years of friendship." He looked at Michael, who looked... relieved? "What? What is it?"

"I'm just... really relieved to see you." Michael said, and it took everything in Jeremy not to start crying right there. He was relieved to see him.

'No, not right now. Focus.' Jeremy thought, getting back to what he was going to say.

"I was hoping... when you knew what I found out-"

"W-wait, what did you find out?" Michael asked. A pause. "I mean... there's nothing on the internet about it-"

"Which is weird, right?" Jeremy said, finally getting to his point. "I mean, what's not on the internet? So I started... asking around. And finally, I found out my bro- t-this guy I play Warcraft with? His brother went from a straight D student, to a freshman at Harvard. Do you... do you know where he is now?"

"R-really happy and successful?" Michael asked, sounding hopeful.

"...h-he's in a mental hospital. Totally lost it." Jeremy said quietly.

"I don't see what this has to do with-"

"Think, man! We're talking an insanely powerful super computer. Do you think it's primary function... is to get you laid? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey?! Of all possible applications for something like a... a mind-blowingly advanced technology, d'you ever wonder what it's doing inside you?" Jeremy finished, pausing for Michael's answer.

"...and I thought Brooke was jealous-"

Jeremy was actually upset now. "No, I'm honestly asking-"

"Really?"

"Yeah-"

"Because I think... you're just pissed that I have one.. and you don't."

"Oh, come on-"

"Yeah, maybe I'm lucky, alright? Is that so weird? I mean, with my history... I-I'd say that the universe owed me one! And look, I don't- I don't know about your- your 'friend's brother's' whatever. But if it was his squip that made him crazy-"

"His Squip didn't make him crazy."

"Alright then-"

"He went crazy trying to get it out!" Jeremy yelled, tears streaming down his face.

"Well.. then- then I've got nothing to worry about. Why would I want it-"

Michael tried to walk out, but Jeremy stood in front of him.

"C'mon, man, move it." Michael said, trying to get past.

Jeremy chuckled. "Or you'll what?"

Michael stepped closer, a look of pure anger on his face.

"Get out of my way... loser." He said, pushing Jeremy out of the way and leaving the bathroom.

Jeremy just stood there, processing what just happened. Michael, his Michael, had just called him a loser.

He could feel his heart breaking even more, and he felt like shit. If Michael didn't love him, didn't even want him as a friend, who ever would?

He sat down, his heart racing. He felt like he was gonna throw up. Is... is this what Michael felt like when he had panic attacks? Because Jeremy was pretty sure he was panicking right now.

His only friend had left him at the biggest party of the fall, fully aware of his horrible social anxiety. He took some deep breaths, trying to steady his breathing.

Tears were falling down his face. If he dissappeared right now... no one would even notice.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, small hiccups escaping his lips from the crying.

He had no friend to help him, no other half, and it was all because of that damn Squip.

Did he even deserve to call Michael his friend? He wasn't in any way attractive, and Michael had clearly shown that he didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

He felt dizzy, and wondered if he should just end the pain right now. No, he couldn't leave his dad, not after his mom had left. He might've had Heidi, but... Evan... he needed to see Evan again, especially after everything that'd happened to him.

Someone started knocking on the door, and Jeremy's panicking got worse. His breathing quickened, trying to take in as much breath as possible, and trying not to break down again.

The knocking turned into banging, and Jeremy stood up, trying his best to calm down. He went to the sink and splashed water in his face, feeling a lot more stable. But then... the knocking stopped.

Jeremy loosed a breath. He really wanted to leave sooner, but... god, he was such a loser he was afraid of people looking at his tear-stained face when he could just blame it on weed or something.

He slid to the floor, tears starting to fall again as he realized there was no way to go back to a different time, where he and Michael were still friends.

All these people knew about him was his name, hell, he wasn't even invited to this party in the first place.

"Awesome party, I'm so glad I came."