struggling Joshaya

Part 19

Few months later:

*MAYA*:

Today is Valentines day and Joshs birthday. Me and Riley have been so bisy witg wedding planing that I forgot to get him a present.

I got up from couch when I heard Eliot crying. He is now 5 months old. I went in to his room and picked him up.

-"Aww what's wrong buddy?" I started to talk calmly... "It's 9PM you should be sleeping. Did you have a bad dream?"

I kept rocking him in my arms untill he fel back to sleep. I put him back in his crib. As I was closing his room door I saw Josh.

-"Hi gorgeos" he smiled and kissed me...
-"Hi baby! I am so sorry. I forgot to get you anything"
-"What? What are you talking about?" He looked shocked...
-"Josh. Today is your birthday and Valentines day" I said...
-"Oh crap. I completly forgot. We are so buisy with Eliot and work and wedding" he said as he collapsed on couch...
-"Yeah I know." I sat right next to him...
-"How about we ask your parents to watch Eliot on weekend and we have our Valentines day then?" He asked with smirk...
-"Perfect"

I leaned in for a kiss. He deapened the kiss. I felt his arms on my waist. He pulled me on top of him. I felt his arms starting to grab tge hem of my shirt when Eliot started crying....

-"I will go get it" I said as I was climbing off of Josh...

I walked in babys room when I heard door bell.

-"I'll get that" Josh screamed...
-"Who is it?" I asked as I was picking Eliot up..

I got nervous when Josh wasn't answering. I walked out in livingroom with Eliot in my arms. My heart dropped when I saw the man in our doorway...

-"Umm. What are you doing here?" I asked confuesd...
-"I came here for you. But it looks like I am too late" Alex said...
-"Alex" I started, but he cutt me off...
-"It's just after that night in London I tought that we could be something again. I..I.. I should probably just go" he said...
-"No Alex wait" I started but he ran off...

I turned aroun and started to walk back to Eliots room when I heard door shut behind me. I turned around and saw Josh angry...

-"What the hell is wrong with you. I have a baby in my arms" I whispered screaming...
He looked at me amd without saying anything went to sit on couch. I gave him annoyed look and walked in Eliots room. I rocked him but nothing was helping. I laid him down in crib and walked to kitchen to get milk...

-"Is he sleeping?" Josh asked...
-"Oh I don't know. Would you sleep if I shut the door in your ear" I answered sarcasticly...
-"Maya" he started...
-"Can we do this later? There is baby that's waiting for me in that room" I said and walked back in Eliots room...

I picked Eliot up. Sat in rocking chair and fed him warm milk. Finally after an hour he fell asleep. I kissed his forhead and put him in his crib...

I walked in livingroom but there was noone there. I walked to apartment door to lock it. Then went in kitchen and cleaned up in there.
When I was done I walked in bedroom hoping to see Josh sleeping. But he was wide awayk...

-"So. Can we talk now?" He asked woth his arms crossed...
-"Josh. Today was a hard day. Eliot wasn't naping and he did't want to sleep. I am exousted. So can we talk tomorrow?" I asked...
-"You slept with Alex?"He spit it out...
-"Josh."
-"No answer me. Did you sleep with Alex?" He asked again...
-"Yes, but that was in my second year in Paris. Me and my friends from college went to London and I met Alex. We got drunk and you know the rest" I said...
-"And you didn't think that I should probably know that?" He started to get mad...
-"We weren't even together the" I started but he cut me off...
-"It doesn't metter. I told you about Carol. I told you about her even when I didn't know she was pregnant"
-"Ok. I am so sorry that I started new life with you. I am sorry that I don't want to look back on past. And I am sorry that I don't think it was a mistake.ok? I wanted to have sex with him. He was my first. I won't lie to you. That night felt good. Because in that night I wasn't thinking about you. One night I could finally stop thinking about YOU. So I sorry I was trying to feel better and I am sorry I was pleasured by another man" I screamed in whisper so that I wouldn't wake Eliot up...
-"Maya" he started but now I cut him off...
-"No Josh. I am done for today. I am tired. I just want to take a warm shower and go to sleep. If you want you can scream in my face tomorrow. Ok? Because all I want now is shower and bed"

I went in to bathroom and closed the door. As I was getting ubdressed I started to feel tears streaming down my face. Few seconds later I colapsed on floor and was full on crying loud...

-"Maya. I am sorry" Josh said as he enteres bathroom and sat down on floor next to me...
-"Josh can you please leave? I just want to take shower" I said...
-"Yeah sure" he got up and walked out of bathroom...

Next morning:

I woke up at 7AM to Eliot crying. Josh was already gone to work. When I walked in Eliots room I saw a note that was scoch taped to his belly...

NOTE: momy we love you. please  don't be mad. Dady is stupid

I read the note. And started to giggle...

-"Are you ready to get up?" I asked my baby boy...

That evening:

I put Eliot down for night. Sat down on couch and put on a movie. Finally Josh got home. I didn't bother getting up. I cuddled up in blenkets and kept watching my movie...

-"Hi gorgeous" he said, but I didn't answer. "Maya please talk to me. Baby please. I am sorry" he kept talking...
-"yeah you should be" I gave hima cold look...
-"Oh cmoon I am trying here. It freaked me out yesterday. I am scared to lose you" he sat down next to me and grabed my hand...
-"Josh I don't know what to say anymore. I live with you, I said I will marry you, and I am raising your child. What else should I do for you to underatand that I am not leaving, that I am here to stay. Josh I keep having to fight the same toughts that are not leaving your head" I put my other hand on his...
-"I know. I just really love you"
-"I love you too"

He cuddled up under the blankets with me. Then out of the blue I said...

-"Josh. I know what I want for our wedding from you" I shocked him...
-"What do you want?"
-"I want to get paper that says that I am Eliots mom. I want that paper. Because he is mine. He is my son. And" I bursted in to tears...
-"Ok ok. Maya. We will get you that paper. If that means so much to you we will. I know he is your" he kissed me...
-"Thank you Josh. It means the world to me"