Our Deepest Scars

Chapter 23

~Possible T/W~

After fully comprehending what she had just revealed, Camila wouldn't have ever taken it back. Instead of being anxious about Lauren's response, she simply felt relieved that she had finally told her girlfriend how she felt. All her concerns melted away as she looked into the dazzling green eyes a few inches from her own.

A wide smile spread across Lauren's face as the words sunk in. Caressing Camila's cheek softly and leaning in once more to press a gentle kiss to the smaller girl's lips, she replied in a whisper, "I love you, too Camz."

Both girls embraced, overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the meaning of the words they had just expressed. But they knew they was true, and Lauren felt deeply that if Camila hadn't said it to her, it would only have been a short time before she had said it to the younger brunette.

Lauren was just placing a delicate kiss on the end of Camila's nose when the waitress returned with their drinks and fruit salad. The instant she saw the food, the petite girl stiffened, her heart rate increasing dramatically. All too aware of her girlfriend's panic, Lauren thanked the waitress before grabbing two forks and pulling the drinks towards herself and the girl now curled up against her.

"Camz, here's your water," she said, passing the glass to Camila. The younger girl reached out a hand to take the cup, but quickly withdrew it when she saw how much the extremity was shaking. Lauren also noticed, so placed the glass back down on the table in front of them. She needed to calm Camila down first.

"Laur, I c-can't do this," Camila confessed, her voice quivering as she spoke quietly. Lauren knew she was trying not to cause a scene.

"I really want you to try, Camz. For me." Lauren spoke gently to the smaller Latina, and handed her a fork. Spearing a piece of apple on the end of her own fork, she brought it up to her mouth to eat it. When the green eyed girl finished, she pushed the bowl of brightly colored fruit towards Camila. "Just one piece," she pleaded with her girlfriend. She knew it was hard for the younger girl, but this was getting serious. Camila hadn't eaten in days, and she was, to Lauren's increasing concern, getting thinner and thinner. Her skin, which was previously glowing, was now dull and pale. The chocolate eyes which had once sparkled with life and happiness now seldom showed anything but anxiety and pain; the only respite from this being when Camila was with Lauren.

The fork in Camila's hand (which she had been reluctant to take from her girlfriend in the first place) was trembling wildly in her anxiety. Staring down into the bowl, she watched as a tear dripped down from her eyes and landed on the rim of the china. Hastily, Camila wiped it away, hoping the action had gone unnoticed by Lauren. It hadn't.

It physically pained both girls to see the other in this way. Lauren was ripped apart inside every time she saw Camila cry over eating, and the younger girl felt a deep agony at her girlfriend's unwavering offer of help and guidance; knowing that it was useless. She was never going to get better.

A breath rose sharply in Camila's chest, but came out as a small whimper. Lauren moved her hand to rub tiny circles on her girlfriend's back, but these had little effect. They only made the smaller girl more angry at herself.

"I'm so messed up..." she mumbled, and her fingers immediately went to the hairband on her right wrist, twisting it unconsciously. "I can't do anything like a normal person can..."

These words broke Lauren. "Camz, you are norm—"

"No I'm not, Laur!" Camila suddenly shouted, attaining shocked glances from both Lauren and the other people in the café. She rubbed her temple and grimaced in pain at her now-throbbing head before continuing. "Is it normal to have a panic attack over eating a piece of fruit? Does everyone freak out every time food is brought up in a conversation? No! It's just me! And you all think that you understand, but y-you don't, and you never will, because you don't have an eating disorder! I-I'm the one who's screwed up in the h-head, not you!" By this point, Camila was crying freely, sobs wracking her tiny body.