You're My Last Hope (Under Edit)

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

Most people would call what I'm standing in front of right now a house, but it's not a house to me. It's more like a vessel of dark memories, foul words, vituperative names and pain. Every wall of that house had bad memories in it. There wasn't even one inch of this land that didn't harbor some dark memory. Not even Max and my old bedroom. All the happy memories that used to be there, they were layer over with depression and sadness. I didn't think I could do this. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept shaking my head. I felt like I was going to cry.

"I-I don't kn-ow if I-I can do thi-s...." I shakily whisper, keeping my eyes locked on the house until I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I quickly turn around and looked down. I could feel myself shaking hard. I was surprised I was still standing and not on the ground. I tried to even out my breath, but with no success. I knew I was most likely going to have a panic attack. I could usually feel them coming on, especially in moments like this.

I felt a hand on my back, but I didn't jump. I knew who's hand it was. I could tell by the warmth it made me feel, despite the snow.

"Kellin baby, what's wrong?" she asks, concern laced through her voice. I moved my hand from my mouth, but words wouldn't come out. I felt like my breath was stuck in my throat. I felt a rough hand grab mine. Anthony.

"He's having a panic attack." he answer for me. I felt Anthony pull me somewhere and make me sit down. I wasn't exactly sure where he had led me, I had been looking down the whole time, trying to force my breath back out. I looked up. Anthony had brought me to Cody's car and sat me down in it. Taylor, Cody, Anthony and Anna were all around me. Anthony still had one of my hands in his, Anna had the other in hers. She was standing right beside me with her other arm around my shoulders. I felt kinda embarrassed by that. She could feel how bad I was shaking.

"Kellin, look Kellin, you need to calm down. Okay? Listen, try to breath with me." Anthony said, kneeling down in front of me so we were eye to eye. I could tell he was trying to stay calm, but he was scared. I could hear it in his voice. I looked over at him and slowly nodded.

"In." he took a deep breath in. I tried to follow his suit, but the air got caught in my throat again. I felt like I was choking, maybe even like I was drowning. I've never really been swimming, so I don't know what it's like to come close to drowning, but I think it feels something like this. I felt so light headed. My head felt like it was spinning. My lungs were burning. I had panic attacks a lot, but I could never get used to this feeling. I usually passed out from it. I didn't really want to pass out here, in front of all my friends and my girlfriend, but the pain was horrible. I kinda wanted to pass out, just so I didn't have to put up with it.

I made some weird choking sound. Anthony's eyes flashed to Anna's. worry taking up all the space in them.

"W-w-what was that sound for?" Cody asked, scared. I don't think I've ever seen or heard Cody while he was scared. A part of me thought it was because he cared, but that other side knocked it down. Thst couldn't be true. Anthony looks at Taylor and Cody.

"Guys, can you go get Kellin some water? Please?" Taylor quickly nodded.

"Yea yea, sure. Anything to help. Come on Cody." Taylor ran off and into the house. Cody looked a bit hesitant, but followed after him. I jerked a bit and tried to stop them, but no sound came out. I didn't want them to go into the house. I didn't want them to get sucked into the sadness of it.

But they couldn't get sucked in, only I could. I was the only one who could remember those things that had happened, the reasons that some of the floors and walls were blood stained.

Thinking that jut made the attack worse. Breathing in was getting hard and breathing out still seemed impossible. At this rate, I was likely to pass out at any moment.