Often

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You say I don't write often anymore

I wasn't aware I needed to write often

I wasn't aware you still read what I write

I wasn't aware you still cared

It's been hard writing everything down for the world to see

Instead of on a page in a notebook in a secret place on my bookshelf

Where only I can see remnants of tear stains

Maybe I don't want them to see how bad it's gotten

Maybe I want them to think that I'm ok so I don't worry them

Maybe I don't want them to see that I still cry at night because I'm terrified and confused

Maybe I want them to never see what I've written down in the notebook that holds my deepest thoughts, my greatest fears, my longest known desires, my stupidest tears

Maybe I don't want them to see everything that has shattered the piece of glass that used to be me.

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